In the shadows,
watching, trembling, and waiting.
Eyes not dark with evil, bloodlust, or rage,
eyes sad and lonly.
No one loves.
No one cares.
All because of father.
My loved one gone,
it can't be true.
The one who loved.
The one who cared.
All because of father.
They look at me and see,
my fathers shadow in me.
Why cant they look past my eyes and skin,
to see what I am inside.
I am not my father.
Why can't they see that?
I have to prove myself twice as much as them.
All because of father.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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when i read this i started to think about about brambleclaw for some raeson
but other than that i really loved this!!!
Well now this poem seems liked...and i hate reviewing a poem after several people because most of it seems repetitive and unneeded so I'll cut to the chase...
I liked the way i could see what was going on. That is one thing i look for in poetry.
So all in all good job
ANNABELLE
I loved this poem! I particularly liked how you described the relation between the narrator and their father. Good job, keep writing!
God Bless,
wraithfound
This is one of your best poems! but you told me that you edited it to seem that it was about a human, well, I hate to break it to 'ya but, HUMANS DON'T HAVE FUR!
lol
Aside from a few punctuation errors it was good, so, fix teh grammer!
luved it!,
Brookie