Published September 26, 2005
It's dark outside
cold and alone I walk down the street
my hands in my pockets
my heart beating fast
I quicken my pace
to leave this place quicker
footsteps follow behind me
I look around, no one there
the wind blows violently now
It howls and screeches
calling my name
death is near now I know this for sure
but I'm not afraid to die
Because in death, there is always another life
to be lived
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Canary word: Present
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141,364 Literary Works • 674,382 Reviews
What I See:
I quicken my pace
to leave this place quicker
-to leave this place sooner? maybe. Using quick again is frustrating to the reader.
-Sometimes you use capitals and other times you don't. Is there a reason for this? Sticking to one form is probably the best.
-I think the lack of comas and periods would be okay if you remembered to capitalize the first letter at the beginning of a new sentence.
What I Feel:
This poem gives me very good descriptions, makes me visualize the situation, which is a very powerful thing. Nicely done.
Yeah, same thing here. It doesn't really grab your attention that much. When you're done, you just like, "Oh... ok." There's nothing much else to think about. Maybe if you made it more detailed and got the reader into it more, it's be more interesting.
There was nothing special about this but I guess there doesn't always have to be something special. However, it could use something to make it stick out. As of now it's like...okay, I read it--now what?