The Spirit Talker

[size=150]All the shamans of the land had known the ways of nature. It was at the time when the land was barren and had no life so everybody had to rely on shaman’s .No one know how they could possible know about nature yet nobody could figure out .all the shaman’s had a secret, I phantom ghost who know the secret’s of the land. One day, like every other day, a girl had an illness that could be only be healed with the herb Cola. So a shaman went to his hut and got the herb from the phantom. Sadly the phantom felt lonely and also he could see the selfishness of the shaman who only wants the power of the land to himself. The power was too much for the shaman, but what could the phantom do, he was bonded with him for life. Another day a young man asked for water, but this time the shaman asked the young man to pay, so he did.

That continued for about two years, the phantom was at a disadvantage one day a spirit talker could see him and help him. The phantom was really the son of Mother Nature and if the land cried so did he. The shaman was getting richer by the minute and soon became the richest man in his tribe, it was very sad. Some people couldn’t afford to pay the shaman and starved to death. The cries and screams of the victim`s, who have loved ones that died recently. The phantom begged and pleaded and wept but the shaman’s heart was too far gone. Sadness fell over the tribes who depended on the shaman. Many wanted to kill the shaman but they themselves know that they couldn’t figure out how to get the things they needed from nature. The spirits of nature saw this and they were sickened. Not knowing what to do, they just helpless watched and began to slowly suffer under the sadness of the people. Still the phantom kept on wishing kept on hoping that the day will come when the spirit talker saves the day.

Years passed and the phantom was losing hope and so was the villagers. Until one day a little baby girl named Hana was born. When she was first born she had seen a ghost. Hana began to grow up talking to the ones who are dead, because she was surely the spirit talker. When Hana was fourteen years old she had walked by the shaman’s house, all of a sudden she heard someone crying. When she looked over at the window she saw a ghost crying, she’d never seen it before so when she asked the phantom what was wrong. He jumped and looked up tears still fresh in his face. He looked around wondering if she was talking to someone else but he was the only in the room. He knew that she was the spirit talker the one who could save this barren land. Hana was shocked when the phantom told her to enter the house. She at once found the phantom and he was a bit faded but he was smiling. He kept pointing at the top of a pot, Hana removed the top and a light came out, shining the entire sky.

Life began to grow and people found more food. Hana was so happy but when she turned around to thank the phantom he was gone. Deep down she know he moved on. The shaman was so upset having nothing to do with his life, as he turned around a crowd of people was there, and they took him and he was never seen again. Hana was known as a hero, and even today some people still remember her as Hana the spirit talker, the one who saved the barren land.[/b] :thud: :smt005 [/size][/size]

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napalmerski
Review

Hey!
There's lots to do with spelling and sentence strucure here, but it will grow on you as you write more and more. Just to say that I love your dream-sequence-flow of consciousness-fairytale-fable style. In a way your choppy narrative flow makes it as unpredictable and as natural as a child's fantasy. It's all got a very real, authentic feeling.
There's some envy in me I admit. Use the flow while you've got it :D



Perfection is lots of little things done well.
— Marco Pierre White