I feel as if I've already lost you.
I feel like a burden that your holding onto,
Like some child holding onto an unrealistic dream
All I hear is I miss you by Blink 182 blasting threw my headphones.
I can't do this is, I don't want you holding onto me, I'll only pull you along with me down the drain and I don't want that for an amazing girl like you.
All I taste is the bitter sting of whiskey and lemons on my tongue and around my mouth including the faint taste of blood.
I've lost so many times before but this time I can't loose you, I can't and I refuse too.
All I feel is the numbness engulfing my wrist and forearms, I like it.
This love was powerful but it was distrupted by my cowardice.
All I think are violent thoughts fighting against my hangover.
Everything you said wont stop running threw my head.
All I smell is the liquor on my breath and the salty tears.
I'm sorry I did this too you, I can't believe myself.
All I see are the blood-covered-blades.
I love you but I'm sorry.
I'm gone.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hello!
First I'd like to say, awesome piece. Very profound and thought-provoking. You have some grammatical errors, but they have been pointed out in other reviews. Your prose is great, very flowing. That being said, the line "All I taste is the bitter sting of whiskey and lemons on my tongue and around my mouth including the faint taste of blood." is a bit awkward. Maybe consider breaking it into two sentences or consolidating.
Keep writing, good luck to you!
Profound. The way you've captured with the power of words the immense guilt of forbidden love is impressive. The blame is put squarely on the shoulders of lover and not the loved, even though in all honesty it is the loved who is the one causing the most grieve. This is a well written piece, and I found no obvious mistakes aside from what the reviewer below me has already brought to light.
Hey ... here for a review...
Um... The whole thing was nice but just a few errors that I'd like to point out here..
- "I feel like a burden that your holding onto," - It should be *you're*.
-All I hear is I miss you by Blink 182 blasting threw my headphones.- *through* my headphones...
-All I taste is the bitter sting of whiskey and lemons on my tongue and around my mouth including the faint taste of blood. - There should be a comma after "my mouth" , but you probably just forgot that, so it's alright.
-I've lost so many times before but this time I can't loose you, I can't and I refuse too.- "I can't and I refuse *to* ."
The same error of "threw" and "too" is there in the following lines-
"Everything you said wont stop running threw my head."
"I'm sorry I did this too you, I can't believe myself."
Otherwise, it was all nice ( though dark) xP....just try to focus on the homophones ( words having the same pronunciation but different spelling. E.g- knew and new.)
KEEP WRITING, STAY AMAZING!!! xD