Hello, pelsteam here to review.
Judging by the context of the Mayflower, this letter would have been written during the early 17th century. I’m not very well-versed in this historical period, but I did note one or two things as I was reading that might warrant a second check:
I feared hunger, diseases and the relationship with the Native Americans.
The term Native American is much more contemporary than 17th century. “Natives” is probably the most neutral and historically accurate term you could use.
You should know that I have boared this ship with James, one of my dearest friends. Here, we are thought to be married, although we are not so neither in front of God, nor of the law, not even in our hearts, but this was the only way we could have boarded this ship safely. He came here in search of a better place to work and invest.
Although I love your turn of phrase in this second sentence, I question if the writer would admit to this. Most of the people on the Mayflower and indeed people of the time would have been deeply religious. Already Charlotte would have likely done something utterly scandalous in running away, and I think she would try and make herself look as good as possible by either claiming marriage or simply not mentioning a man at all (at least to her grandmother, maybe not if she was writing to a close friend).
I sometimes joined the prayer of the Saints.
Again, I’m not well-versed in the Mayflower voyage nor the religion of the day, but this stood out to me as sounding like something Catholics would do. The Pilgrims were not Catholic.
However, although I had chosen to take care of her, I did not intend to give up on pursuing my dream of adventure and finding treasure that I had at the beginning of my journey.
Again, I query that Charlotte would admit this to her grandmother. The attitudes of the day would largely have been that the women should be maternal and selfless. She would most likely have been expected to work hard despite raising a child, so I would play on this angle instead.
Moving on to a few other points:
I hope to find here a new way of living, riches, the opportunity for a new beginning and, most importantly, the freedom of being truer to my own self, unconstrained by any of the limits and restrictions in our society.
This is a very interesting point and one I think you could explore in a lot more detail to give us a picture of Charlotte’s character. She’s gone overseas with a group of very strict Protestants; has she been at all disillusioned by the “freedom” she’s experienced? What is her idea of freedom? Are her beliefs putting her at odds with the rest of the settlers? These could all be really interesting to explore.
Sadly, I have lost the number of dead bodies... The Indians were not very pleased to see us at first. For quite a lot of time, there was a lot of tension between us and even attacks, but fortunately those did not result in casualties.
Your first line implies the Indians were responsible for the deaths but your second line contradicts it.
I do not know if you are able to do this but we would be delighted if you could pay us a visit here, in our new Plymouth.
As I understand it, casual visits would have been very unlikely during this time period. Charlotte would have been more likely to accept she would never see anyone from England again but perhaps have faith in a reunion in heaven.
Overall, a very interesting piece and I think you could definitely take it down a few different routes if you wanted to explore any of the ideas further.
Points: 1125
Reviews: 7
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