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Lies and death

by MoonIris

I’m going to tell you a story about truth. The truth is ugly and bad. It’s sad and disappointing. Sometimes people can’t say the truth. Sometimes the truth is too bad and sad to be heard to be heard by other people. Not because they are cowards, but because the truth is so terrifying. It will make others sad. And those people, whose truth is all about don’t want that to happen. Sometimes the truth is a person crying until she falls asleep. Sometimes a lie is happiness. But the person who keeps the truth for herself is underestimating herself. Sometimes this person wants to scream. Sometimes the emotions are trapped, ready to explode. And if she is afraid to say it out loud, she puts it on paper. Sometimes people  pour down their soul on it. Sometimes if this person gives you a compliment or helps you, it's because they secretly wish someone would do that for them. Sometimes people think that they are out of tears but when words hit them, there are still some tears left. Humans think they know each other but they’re not even close. The truth is ugly and bad. The truth is death, and life is a lie. In the end which one do you prefer? I told you it’s a story about truth, but I lied. It’s a story about death. And sometimes, the paper is the testament.

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Points: 0
Reviews: 0

Wed May 13, 2020 8:12 pm
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Blackho says...

I really love this especially showing how truth is in death cause the truth is everything dies. I however would have liked if you didn't focus so much on how truth can be negative cause every good has it's bad. But really do love this.

MoonIris says...

Thank you for the comment! I know I focused only on how truth can be negative. I don't think truth is always bad but I know a lot of people who don't believe that the truth has a dark side so I wanted to show that it can. I hope you have a great day and that you enjoyed YWS until now! :)

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34 Reviews

Points: 611
Reviews: 34

Fri Apr 24, 2020 12:51 am
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shayspeare wrote a review...

Wow. This was very philosophical. I liked the repetition of the words sometimes, lie, truth, death, and life. I like where this is going. It's very interactive with the audience, and it's kind of Romeo & Juliet-esque as in you know the end before it begins. So, I will say, I'm really enjoying these works you're publishing.

I hope you continue. I want to know who and how these people died.

In the end, you do not disappoint with your vivid and insightful language.


MoonIris says...

Thank you so much!

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26 Reviews

Points: 331
Reviews: 26

Thu Apr 23, 2020 8:42 pm
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AngelLily wrote a review...

‘Sup! It’s AngelLily.
I really like the flow of the story, and the beginning really lured me in.
Right here:
“Sometimes if this person makes you a compliment or help you, its because they secretly wish someone would do that for them.”
I think it would sound better if you put “gives” instead of “makes” you a compliment. Also, “help” should be “helps” and “its” should be “it’s” or “it is”.
I also noticed that on a few of your conjunctions there is not a comma before them, so you might want to check that out.
Indenting— You might want too, but not a big deal.
I loved this story. Just a few mistakes, but we all make them. You have great writing skills. Keep up the good work. 👍

MoonIris says...

Thank you !

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98 Reviews

Points: 4800
Reviews: 98

Thu Apr 23, 2020 4:20 pm
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Plume wrote a review...

Hey! Silverquill12 here with a review.

I really love your last line. It's so thoroughly chilling. I like how your diction lends the reader's eye to picture a child. It makes the claims being spoken even more haunting. I'm interested to hear about the story behind this story. It's not shaped like a traditional narrative, but that makes it all the more intriguing. You have some mistakes littered throughout that impede your readability.

1. "And those people, whose truth is is all about don't want that to happen." I wasn't sure what was meant by this and it didn't sound right grammatically. Look over it.

2. "The person who keeps the truth for himself is underestimating herself." I was confused about the change in gender here. Was it intentional?

3. When you say "they are still some tears left" I think you meant "there are still some tears left."

Other than that, lovely piece. I would very much like to know the context of it. I look forward to seeing more work!! Also, welcome to YWS!

MoonIris says...

Hi, thank you for the review! Firstly,when I say "And those people, whose truth is all about don't want that to happen" it means that sometimes when others (for example pers. A) learns the truth about someone (like person B), it can make pers A sad and B doesn't want that. I know it's hard to understand and explain but hopefully you got it. Secondly, the gender change was a mistake, it should be corrected as well as that spelling mistake. You said you want it to know the story behind it, well there isn't much of a story. It was just that I was having a really, really bad day and I decided to write this. I did thought that it would make a great beginning for a story, what do you think? I'm really glad you liked it! And thank you for the welcome,I'm really happy to be in the YWS!

Plume says...

I think it would make a phenomenal beginning! It's so perfect to serve as a little emotional prologue before the actual story starts. I'm curious to know where you go with it! :)

MoonIris says...

Thanks! I'll let you know when i got it!

The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity.
— Amelia Earhart