Published May 22, 2009
I pretty much got bored one time, late at night, and spilled out some words and voila
I'd just like some feedback on what works, what doesnt, you know.
Why ever a sunrise?
Why would she have me here?
Why the timeless wash of the waves?
Why soft sand and a setting sun?
Why ambiguity and serenity?
Why words in the dying light?
Why no sweet buss?
Why fierce eyes and stolid lips?
Why?
Why does she smile when she means not to?
Why ever in the translucent air of dusk,
Could my dry heart not be seen to shatter?
Why must a quivering lip catch liquid memories, a single tear
Sliding from my cheek?
Why another drop among the turbulent waves?
Why my mind cascading around me?
Why would balance desert me?
Why the steady buzz of loss droning inside?
Why must odium snatch my breath?
Why hatred oozing between my lips?
Why words?
Why words becoming sobs becoming bile?
Why must my heart die with the setting sun?
Why does silence hurt the most?
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I really love the emotion because it's raw and I enjoyed the line "...must a quivering lip catch liquid memories..."
I like what you're trying to say at the end, but have you considered making the last line a statement instead of a question? I think it'll make the poem a bit more powerful.
Why ever a sunrise?
Why would she have me here?
Why the timeless wash of the waves?
Why soft sand and a setting sun?
Why ambiguity and serenity?
Why words in the dying light?
Why no sweet buss?
Why fierce eyes and stolid lips?
Why?
Why does she smile when she means not to?
Why ever in the translucent air of dusk,
Could my dry heart not be seen to shatter?
Why must a quivering lip catch liquid memories, a single tear
Sliding from my cheek?
Why another drop among the turbulent waves?
Why my mind cascading around me?
Why would balance desert me?
Why the steady buzz of loss droning inside?
Why must odium snatch my breath?
Why hatred oozing between my lips?
Why words?
Why words becoming sobs becoming bile?
Why must my heart die with the setting sun?
Why does silence hurt the most?
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Complex and beautiful.
It was nice.
Hey. I like that poem, it made me feel like I was there, watching the sunset.
I think the part that I liked the most had to be