lost

Alright I think I'm taking a break after this but here I am to give your poor, neglected poem a review!

Title: This is something you need to think about more! A title could be the difference between someone deciding to read your work and not because it's the first thing a reader sees and it can either draw them in or make them decide to walk away. The best of titles I find are an interesting or unusual phrase, soemthing that maybe doesn't make sense until the poem has been read but that gives an idea of what the poem is about. Some poets choose to take a line right out of their poem and this is also a nice idea as it adds a bit of reinforcement when the reader reaches that line.

Everything is lost
When the darkness means the most

I'd be tempted to flip these two lines around. I think it would be more interesting to start with 'When the darkness means the most'. It's a good concept by the way, better than I was expecting from the title, which goes to show you need a stronger title

Vague Phrasing

Okay so I'm not going to pull out particular lines but a lot of your next section is so vaguely phrased or filled with such loose, abstract images! It's a real shame when your first two lines were so solid and I already had this picture in my head of a man pushed to the point of despair and choosing darkness over light. I want to see more of that, not phrases that mean little and barely have any images attached.

I slept in a cold dark grave
Here I am facing my fate
No music, no song
When grief is far too long

You pick the storyline up a little here again but what I'd suggest is I want to know what's going on. I want to know who this persona is, what has brought them to the point, how they have become lost. It seems to me you've found some pretty words and yes they're pretty and they sound dramatic. Blood, moon, silver. But those are not the real dramatic, the dark and gritty nature of the world. I want to hear how this person has struggled with themself and failed.

I think I'll stop rambling here but hopefully I've given you a few ideas for this or future poems. I'll admit I'm a little disapointed - it started out with such a firm image or idea. I'd just love to see that continued throughout!

Heather xxx