z

Young Writers Society



insecurity

by Monakeya


"Insecurity"


She feels so insecure
putting pictures of models on her wall to motivate her
After she eats she sticks her finger down her mouth
out comes a big wave with chunks of the pizza she just ate

she cries and cries
She so insecure
About her thighs
Her belly
the guys

The guys
they look at her snickering
making nasty remarks about her thighs rubbing together as she walks

The next her mom notices there something wrong
asking her why she hasn't been eating
she says she's fasting
she's an insecure liar

One moment she binges
Next she's over the toilet purging
she wonder's why she isn't looking thinner

But for what?
So guys will like her
So the cool girls will accept her
She's so obsessed with changing herself
She doesn't notice that she's killing herself

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42 Reviews

Points: 1016
Reviews: 42

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Tue Apr 28, 2009 11:32 pm
bailecielo wrote a review...



It's sad how everyone's obsessing about being a size 0! I love that you talked about something a lot of girls can relate to.

Regarding the poem, I can't say I love it, but i enjoyed reading it because I found myself agreeing to the harsh realities of what society dictate to us. Work on your form and rhythm. Poems are a lot better if they have meter. Try counting and balancing the syllables. Rhymes make poems a lot more enjoyable to read. You might want to work on that as well! :)

Keep it up! :D




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38 Reviews

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Reviews: 38

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Tue Apr 28, 2009 9:55 pm
Erica says...



This is so true, I hope girls will read this to avoid going through it. to amny already have.

The next her mom notices there something wrong

"The next" is a little ackward to me. I would change this, but nothing else.




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34 Reviews

Points: 1412
Reviews: 34

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Tue Apr 28, 2009 8:18 pm
Icefire63111 says...



This seems very real to me, as a person who used to have an eating disorder.
I LOVED it!
YAY!
GOLD STAR!




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122 Reviews

Points: 1656
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Thu Apr 16, 2009 7:55 am
WaterVyper wrote a review...



Hey Monakeya, and I have to say that this is a marvelous poem. It touches on a very sensitive topic, and keeps everything sounding very real. Eating disorders are a sad fact here, and you cover emotions and thoughts very nicely. One thing bothers me though: your capitalization. It looks a bit random with some lines capitalized and others not. I figure that if you fix that up, this will be lovely. I especially love the ending bit.

She's so obsessed with changing herself

She doesn't notice that she's killing herself


Try to vary your vocabulary, but not too much. The words seem a bit plain right now, but that doesn't remove from the overall poem. Good job.





I didn't know beards could do that ;)
— ShadowVyper