Published April 18, 2009
I'm always left alone
No one cares about me
Selfish! All they do is care about themselves
And not me
It's not fair that everyone has nice parents who care
But me I'm left alone in the darkness
Sometimes the silence is so loud
'Cause my thoughts are going wild
I hate being alone all day all night
Having to take care of myself
For goodness sakes I'm a child!
I'm not supposed to be so isolated
With no one to take care of me
I'm left alone in the darkness
Friendless and unaccompanied
Completely disconnected from the world
Left all alone
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141,407 Literary Works • 674,390 Reviews
To me this poem sounded like a teenager venting to a friend more than a poem. It could have something to do with the flow or the way it is arranged.
I think this stanza should have ended differently. It feels like something should come after that last line. I think you had some really good lines though, and I think the last stanza is great.
You're right life stinks... Great poetry
I can almost feel the anger and frustration that was put into the work.
I really liked your poem! It reminded me of how I sometimes feel.
Not to sound too redundant, but I agree that the first stanza is kind of weak. Also, you say
and yet you also say
which to me sounds kind of contradictory. Not to be mean or anything. ^^
Also, the flow and rhythm of the poem kind of escaped me. I wasn't able to find a rhythm at all, and the flow was kind of forced, probably because the # of beats in each line is kind of random.
Other than that, I think it's a great poem! Keep writing!
See ya!
~Claer
The poem was okay. It seems as though the flow was forced and you were trying to hard.
I agree with the other person how it was kinda a weak intro into the poem. And while I was reading it, it felt like you were repeating me a lot.
You need to cut the unnecessary words out and be more selective of what you put. An example of that is
Sometimes the silence is so loud.
The sometimes can be cut out.
Same as before get rid of some words. In the third line instead of For goodness sake's
Just say sakes. The last stanza is really good. My favorite of the whole poem. Sorry if i was harsh, I hope that I helped you.
Kay
hey!
i love your poem but the first paragraph is kind of weak...
"I'm always left alone
No one cares about me
Selfish! All they do is care about themselves
And not me"
not to be mean but you sound a little bit like a whiney three year old! but if you used better words it could be great!
but your last paragraph is great
"I'm left alone in the darkness
Friendless and unaccompanied
Completely disconnected from the world
Left all alone"
as your really touch peoples emotions. and so they want to learn more you and the poem. So over all i do really like the poem but use stronger words in the first paragraph it could be brilliant!
dancingclouds