Momo shivered as she sat in a cardboard box. It was the coldest yet happiest time of the year. She watched the hustle and bustle of the city life, humans going from store to store getting last minute gifts. She wanted to be swept up by a loving two-legged and taken home to be loved and cared for. Momo whimpered and looked up as a snowflake fell onto her nose. It would start to snow very soon. The humans were walking past her like she didn't even exist, too caught up in their own business. Did they not see her cold and alone?
“Mommy! Mommy! Look a doggie!” A little girl cried happily.
This was her chance to get taken in by a human. No more cold and loneliness. Momo wagged her tail and went for the friendly dog look. This always got humans to take puppies home.
“Oh aren't you just the cutest thing?” The little girl’s mother cooed picking Momo up.
“Can we keep her mommy?! Please?” The girl pleaded.
The mother bit her lip as she saw her husband coming up.
“Lois what is that?”
“Oh honey, it’s a puppy isn't she cute?”
“Put it down. Dogs are filthy it probably has mange.” The man sneered. Momo observed the man curiously he didn't seem too friendly, but the women was so nice and warm.
The women held Momo close. “Please she’s cold and all alone.”
“Please daddy.” The little girl asked softly.
“I said put it down.” The man said his tone rougher in anger.
The women sighed her eyes glancing over Momo sadly as she lowered her. “Am sorry girl.”
Momo tilted her head as she watched the family leave. “Wait you forgot me!” Momo took off towards the family and suddenly felt a sharp pain in her side and saw the man’s foot lowering. She looked at the man in fear from her place on the ground. Whining loudly she slowly got up and limped back to the box. She stopped and took a look back to see the family walking away and saw the women look back to her sorrowfulness sketched into her face. Momo sighed in pain and continued back to the box hopping in and curled up tightly shivering. The snow started to fall heavily as she fell asleep.
“Hey! Are you up?” A voice asked.
Momo whimpered as she heard the voice. She woke to her body aching from last night’s abuse.
“Are you OK?” The voice spoke up again.
Momo opened her eyes sighing as the sunlight made her head hurt. “Yes, thank you.”
“Why are you in there? Come out here.” The voice seemed to smile.
“I think I am safer in here, but thanks” Momo spoke shyly.
“Aww come on out, I will help you.” The voice said excitedly.
“Wait no!” Momo yipped sternly. The voice pulled on the box until it fell over. Momo yelped coming out of the fallen box rump first. Her head hurt more now thanks to whatever had did that. She turned around starting to stand when she came nose to nose with the creature she had been talking to— a cat. The two glanced at each other and then parted blushing.
“Am sorry, I didn't mean to.” The cat muttered lowly.
“No it’s fine I had to come out anyway.”
The cat smiled. “My names Kioshi nice to meet you.”
“My names Momo.” The dog said feeling a warm feeling spread within her.
“Hey, Momo what’s that on your side?” Kioshi glanced to her side worriedly.
“It’s nothing just a bruise.” Momo scoffed. She didn't want the cat to worry about her. It was her fault for being too trusting.
Kioshi meowed scolding Momo for the blunt disregard of the injury. “That’s serious. I know a place where they can fix you up.”
Momo eyes widened a cat was going to help her get better? That as absurd. “Why help me?”
Kioshi smiled his eyes closing. “Were friends now aren't we?”
Momo blushed softly and nodded.
“Come on.” Kioshi giggled.
Momo smiled and trotted slowly after her new friend. This was just the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Aw, how cute. The entire time I was reading this I pictured your avatar and kept wondering how that man couldn't think sh was cute. I love the two animals names. Only one thing I saw that could be changed, this line:
"She stopped and took a look back to see the family walking away and saw the women look back to her sorrowfulness sketched into her face."
I think a comma belongs between "her" and "sorrowfulness". I knew how I was supposed to read it, but I still think the comma is needed.
Again, love the poem, such a cute story. XD
OMG OMG THIS WAS THE CUTEST THING I'VE EVER READ THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BRINGING THIS INTO THE WORLD. I LOVE THIS. BEST THING EVER. A STORY FROM A PUPPY'S POINT OF VIEW AND THEN SHE MEETS A CAT AND THEY BECOME BEST FRIENDS OMG ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME CRY
:3 thanks for reading. I am glad you like my story. ^^" no its not my intention to make anyone cry its just a story i decided to write and then thought i would post :3. To be honest ive had this story on papaer for a looong time and just recently decided to put it online
This is really cute. OMG! It's so adorable. Well it's kinda sad, buts it's adorable ina way. It's really good and your way with words is awesome. I like so YAYYYYYY
Alright, first of all, there were way too many errors. You wrote "I'm" as "Am" and forgot commas, misplaced commas, sometimes periods, and as TiffanyToy mentioned, you wrote "women" instead of "woman". That's quite a few errors, which suggests to me that you wrote this without editing. Other than that, it was pretty good. My heart really ached for poor Momo. I hate it when puppies are abused or neglected. Actually I hate it when any cute animal is abused or neglected. So, good job on making me feel for your character!!!
Yeah i know there are mistakes, but yes beleive it or not i did go back and edit before posting lol. I am just horrible at placing commas and periods where they go. Its kind of hard to catch mistakes when its only you the person that wrote it looking for it...if it makes any sense. I know its no excuse you may say, but obvious the problem lies with me :/
That's alright. I'm just one of those people that has an extremely sensitive eye when reading. I pick out lots of errors in some of the officially published books I read such as Warriors and such. I guess you could say I'm the Bloodhound of errors.
Ah, yes i understand. :3 i love warriors *0*
I love it too, but I've cried a lot reading it! (Ex. Yellowfang's death, Her siblings' deaths, Cinderpelt's death, etc. etc.)
Yea ;( but i havent read warriors in so loooong.
I'm working on Omen of the Stars. I need the third one.
Nice i dont think ive gotten to that yet but am close :/ i stopped because the schools i was going to didnt have them and neither did the public librarys ( they sucked and suck so badly lol) and now am in college so yea x3 but i still love warriors and i want to start back reading them soon.
It sucks when schools don't have things! :'(
I know right?! ;/ I have had the displeasure of going to some awful schools in my opinion. some i loved some i hated. o3o woah we should really talk in messages ^^" want to?
Er...i'm not that experienced with the art of messagespeak. (i have NO phone!
)
X3 no i meant on the site messages :3 instead of right here which is for comments or reviews o3o
Oh! Sure thing!!
Ok
Hey!!
So, I love the names and the description in the whole piece! Great job!
P.s. The title dragged me in! Great job on that!
But, sad to say, I have a few nitpicks...
In the 9th paragraph, before how you described the man, I am thinking the structure would look and sound better with a comma or period. To start a new sentence there.
In the 13th paragraph, is should be 'woman' not 'women' because it is not plural.
In paragraph 22, it should be did not done. Also after parted, it would look better to have a comma before saying blushing.
Wow! I love the ending! So.........inspirational!!
Great job, all in all, though! It was captivating the whole time!,
~Tiff
Thanks am glad you enjoyed. Yeah i know their are mistakes am trying to look up grammar on websites to improve :/