We Sat
Crosslegged
Wide Eyed
Children
with minds
for soaking
up the world
and imagining
it beautiful as possible
we saw the far off lands
we tasted the bountiful fruits
we smiled up the future
we closed our eyes
and pretended
we were already there
the dreamers
us children
of god and the earth
where our hearts
we did find
in the souls of simple creatures
a brushing of wind
through our hair
we were there yes
because we really knew
we are going to be
we are the ones to
look over the valley
and be absorbed by thoughts
and images of a deep
feeling within a soul
where we just long
to touch where we keep seeing
and smell the breeze
hugging our hearts
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,027 Literary Works • 672,773 Reviews
Touching where you keep seeing. Meaning dreams come to life.
Which I guess is what this poem is really about.
Hey, Moksha. Nice to meet you. I'm Mizzle, and welcome to YWS. You should take some time to go introduce yourself in the Welcome Area.
It may be free verse, but make it as good as free verse can get. Make it flawless, so I'd have nothing to nitpick at. Unfortunately, I do. D:
Anyways. Kayla's quite right, Moksha, in fact, you do need capitals.
You, most surely, need to remember your punctuation, Moksha. Keep in mind of that, as well.
Now, this line did not make much sense to me:
"to touch where we keep seeing"
I think it'd be better as "to touch what we keep seeing".
This was okay, but I didn't like it too much.
Nice job, though.
Tata.
-Mizz
I assure you capitals mean nothing in this type of poetry. There is nothing better than freeverse poetry. Words together as I see they fit.
What exactly is this about?
Remember those capitals, nice though.
good luck...
Kayla