This is a paper I have to do for school and I need some reviews. Please review and help me out! Thanks.
-ModernWarfare2
I sat thinking on the way home, why did my mom call us that afternoon? The experience at Fort Desoto was lousy but some what fun. The jerky ride home in the car was so boring. I couldn't wait till my dad and I got to the highway, were we would be close to home. Not at Forts Desoto.
The bumpy ride home from the camping trip was soon over. I could see the highway straight ahead. We finally we got off the forested rode and slightly swerved onto the highway.
I was getting drowsy on the way back but my father interrupted me from my sleep. He responded saying that we would be home at a quarter till three pm. I didn't care to sleep any more.
Minutes passed and we zoomed by the new Publix. I was just about to ask my dad "When do we get home?" but then *I noticed the familiar Publix sign so I didn't bother to ask.
I was so excited when we pulled into the garage so I could leap out of the car and charge to the shower. *I wanted to take a shower so bad. The second I walked in the door a white dog with beige spots lifted off the ground onto my face and licked me all over. * I was so surprised that I had a dog that I didn't even know in the house!
I questioned my mom about the dog and whose was it. Then with a grin her face she said,"Our dog." *I couldn't believe I actually had a dog!
* I was so happy, I called up my friends telling them I got a new dog. We played with my dog for the hour. We played some games like fetch were I through a ball for my dog to pursuit. We also did some tug of war. After all the excitement my friends left, my dog was asleep and I finally took a shower.
When I was taking a shower, I thought of all the fun things I could do with my dog. Take her on walks. Play with her Etc.
Over the years my dog and I walked with each other, we played with each other and we were there for each other. My dog, sister, mom, dad and I are still alive today. My dog changed me into being more mature and responsible. 
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
When you joined that was on my birth day. The year was different though. I will try to improve on the errors you spotted though. Thanks
Nice story- I miss having a dog. I would elaborate more on the dog than the carride- you made the focus of the story a bit ambiguous, but because of the end, I think it was supposed to be more on the dog. I would include more details, and if it's in first person, you can remove the asterisks. Overall, I think this was nice but could be improved in a couple of ways. Nice word choice, but try to engage the reader more.
-Coral-