High School Sucks

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okay....this was a slightly mixed bag here with this start. This protagonists personality appears to be change slightly from scene to scene or I suppose it just cause this is the very first part and we're just now being introduced to them.

Anyway let's get right to it,

High school sucks. If anyone tries to tell you different, it’s a load of crap.

“Oh, but high school was the best years of my life!” says your mum. Pfft. She’s lying. The human brain is programmed to forget the worst – it’s a natural instinct, so obviously they can’t remember the bad, but I can, I’m living it.

Hey there, my name is Tash, Natasha Beckley. And trust me, high school is definitely not all glitz and glam and parties and dances. No, high school is gruelling assignments, lightning quick mood swings, disloyal friends, and worst off all, acne plagues. And don’t forget boy drama’s, cat fights, rumours, and the most embarrassing moments of you’re life.

High school is a hell hole, made to trap young adults on the brink of adulthood. High school’s main purpose is to cage us into a world of conforming and false ideas of reality.

“Tash, come have some breakfast”, my mum calls from the living room.

“Not hungry”, I mutter in a reply.

As I walk to the door, I hear mum start one of those lectures about how not eating breakfast will make me fat, or give me some weird eating disorder, but before she gets into her rant, I walk out (quickly checking my makeup in the mirror by the door) and shut the door behind me. Destination: high school, the only place worse that being trapped in that house with my mother.

Walking along the footpath to school, I count the clicks my heels make on the concrete, thirty three, thirty four, thirty fi-

“Hey”, I hear Alice’s voice call from a distance. I turn to see her running towards me, her barbie doll blonde hair swinging behind her as she closes the distance between us.

God I wish I had hair like that.

“Shall we skip?” I ask her.

“Well,” She begins, contemplating the idea, “we hopped yesterday, so I guess skipping could suffice.” She says, smile growing as she puts her arm through mine, and just like that, we skip to school – well, really we skip for two steps and then continue to walk as if we never did that. (Oh, and don't worry this is all totally normal routine for us).

"So, did you get his number?" Alice asks me, her jade eyes curious and inquisitive.

"No, should I have?" I ask her.

"Tut tut tut" She mutters, "What have I told you about guys?" She asks me. "They're too stupid to be smart enough to get your number on their own, you need to trick them into giving it to you." She says, her tone exasperated.

"But where just friends", I argue.

"If you like him, and you're pretty sure he likes you, you are so not 'just friends', and if you are, there is something seriously wrong with you girl", she exlaims.

Hey Monique!!

It was well and truly groovy. I liked how it wasn't all "I just love school!" like a lot of books are. You really captured the essence of a teenage girl. As we all know, teenage girls are the randomest on earth! Of course, we also only enjoy break times.

The fact that you mentioned rumors, boy drama, and skipping for two steps then walking (that happened to me today actually) made me feel like Tash was a real girl. She had problems, gets jealous of her friends sometimes, and is random.

The other reviews have done my nitpicking for me (thanks guys!) so I'll just leave off here.

Ciao bella! xx

Okay, to start off, I have to tell you that this isn't bad. In fact, your character has the sort of blunt voice that makes the story really move forward, without flowery descriptions and beautiful, long, poetic paragraphs. But as nice as that is, it's also a fatal flaw. The story seems to have no background, no flesh. There's just a voice in an empty room. If you want to improve, you have to flesh out your surroundings a little, and give a tweet more of a backstory - especially since you only just started off. No, you don't need to give us an overload of info about every detail of Her life, but at this point, you have left the reader with no desire to read on. Yes, there's some thing about a boy, and a mother that is probably annoying and overbearing, but there seems to be no potential in the development. So far you gave a great description of how Tash hates school, but it shouldn't be the only thing she talks about, even in a short passage like this. Believe it or not, but it takes away some of the powere, the punch that the statements have. Talk about the boy she met. If she was talking to her friend about it, she would have a brief flashback to a moment she enjoyed, or at least a tiny thought of insight into what happened. At this point, you don't have enough of an interest to keep me hooked.

I'm positive that with a little tweaking, this can turn out to be really great. You have my apologies if I sound too critical but trust me, it will help in the long run.

Thanks heaps for the comments guys, they're really helpful, I'll work on it.

Heya doll. I have a lot of nitpicks for this one. Here it goes, in red.

Chapter 1

High school sucks. If anyone tries to tell you different, it’s a load of crap.
“Oh, but high school was the best years of my life!” says your mum. Pfft. She’s lying. The human brain is programmed to forget the worst – it’s a natural instinct, so obviously they can’t remember the bad, but I can#BF0000 ">- I’m living it.

#FF0000 ">Hey there, my name is Tash, Natasha Beckley. And trust me, high school is definitely not all glitz and glam and parties and dances. No, high school is gruelling assignments, lightning quick mood swings, disloyal friends, and worst #FF0000 ">of all, acne plagues. And don’t forget boy #FF0000 ">drama, cat fights, rumours, and the most embarrassing moments of #FF0000 ">your life.

High school is a hell hole, made to trap young adults on the brink of adulthood. High school’s main purpose is to cage us into a world of conforming and false ideas of reality.

And guess what? (if haven’t guessed by now) I hate high school. #FF0000 ">(You don't need this line)


“Tash, come have some breakfast”, my mum calls from the living room.
“Not hungry”, I mutter in a reply.
As I walk to the door, I hear mum start one of those lectures about how not eating breakfast will make me fat, or give me some weird eating disorder, but before she gets into her rant, I walk out (quickly checking my makeup in the mirror by the door) and shut the door behind me. Destination: high school, the only place worse #FF0000 ">than being trapped in that house with my mother.

Walking along the footpath to school, I count the clicks my heels make on the concrete, thirty three, thirty four, thirty fi-
“Hey”, I hear Alice’s voice call from a distance. I turn to see her running towards me, her barbie doll blonde hair swinging behind her as she closes the distance between us.
God#FF0000 ">, I wish I had hair like that.
“Shall we skip?” I ask her.
“Well,” She begins, contemplating the idea, “we hopped yesterday, so I guess skipping could suffice.” She says, smile growing as she puts her arm through mine, and just like that, we skip to school – well, really we skip for two steps and then continue to walk as if we never did that.#FF0000 "> Oh, and don't worry #FF0000 ">This is all totally normal routine for us.

"So, did you get his number?" Alice asks me, her jade eyes curious and inquisitive.
"No, should I have?" I ask her.
"Tut tut tut#FF0000 ">." She mutters, "What have I told you about guys?" She asks me. "They're too stupid to be smart enough to get your number on their own, you need to trick them into giving it to you." She says, her tone exasperated.
"But #FF0000 ">we're just friends#FF0000 ">," I argue.
"If you like him, and you're pretty sure he likes you, you are so not 'just friends'#FF0000 ">. If you are, there is something seriously wrong with you, girl#FF0000 ">!" she exlaims.
And then, the bell rings.

Hi there.

So I can see your point here, it's that High School sucks (obviously) but it seems that you stray away from this point, especially with the skipping part (what's with that?)
I like your opening though, it gets the point across. The only thing I don't like is the line:

And guess what? (if haven’t guessed by now) I hate high school.

Destination: high school, the only place worse that being trapped in that house with my mother.

“Well,” She begins, contemplating the idea, “we hopped yesterday, so I guess skipping could suffice.” She says, smile growing as she puts her arm through mine, and just like that, we skip to school – well, really we skip for two steps and then continue to walk as if we never did that. (Oh, and don't worry this is all totally normal routine for us).