Published September 23, 2012
Smoke my cigarettes
With my cigarettes I left another love
Bottle of Vodka in my hands
Pot to forget my mistakes
The radio is playing
Someone is leaving
She is leaving me
Tears in this empty life
Lord knows i tried to be your man
Lord knows she tried to be your rebel girl
My heart is full of bullshit
I wonder if she will miss me
and our insane life
with my cigarettes I left another love
I live in this drunk love
Good man tonight? no
Bottle of Vodka in my hands
Pot to forget you
Pot to bring you back
Pot to kill health
Alcohol to burn me inside
How I miss our insane life!
With my cigarettes I left another love
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141,364 Literary Works • 674,381 Reviews
wow. nice work. i know that fell bro/sistah. i like the egining the most, and i think you meant to say "I tried to be your man." Instead of "I tried to be your men."
"my heart is full of bullshit." was certainly un expected, but it fit nicely.
keep writing! < 3
"With my cigarettes I left another love" that is a cool line and choice of words, and it and a good deal of this poem make me imagine some punk kind of dude that is feeling lonely but acting out and drowning it out instead of being just some poor sap. A correction, it should be "Lord knows I tried to be your man" not men, and the line "My heart is full of bullshit" although not a bad line, on the contrary actually, but it is kind of just thrown in there randomly and could use some other lines to introduce or go with it. Keep up the work.
Maybe I really like your poem because I can relate, and isn't that what poetry supposed to do? Anyway, the beginning is mostly my favorite then you just kind of repeat yourself. Otherwise, not too shabby. Look forward to reading more from you.