How many petitions
with underlying scars
and broken hearts must
you make before you
realize: there isn't a
point?
And how many times
will you hole picket
signs on the outside
of gray chain fences
until you see you aren't
making a difference?
And how much will you
change yourself for them
before you realize that
they aren't really your
friends, they never have
been?
Identity is hard to grasp
and once found, hard to cling
onto
But you don't need to
change to please me
The only think it takes
to please me is the one
thing you cannot give me:
yourself
Because the boy you once
were is hidden under layers and
layers of scars and defeat
they have buried him there
sentence him to death for what
make you you
But I live for the times
when, for a bried moment, my
face pushes away all of your
fears, and I hear him laugh and
see him in your eyes, and I know
You are still here
i really loved the first two verses, they were so good they made the rest of the poem rather insignificant.
the second to last verse was a little muddled, a little lost.
like emotion_less said it wasn't mind blowing but it doesn't really help to crit what the poem isn't so, for what it is, i liked it.
I liked the conversational tone, but you need to add some interest. Also, punctuation would be a good idea. Not bad, though.
Wow! That was really great. It really touched me and made me think. Very, very, very nice!
How many petitions
with underlying scars
and broken hearts must
you make before you
realize: there isn't a
point?
And how many times
will you hole picket
signs on the outside
of gray chain fences
until you see you aren't
making a difference?
And how much will you
change yourself for them
before you realize that
they aren't really your
friends, they never have
been?
you make you
realize: there isn't a point
But you don't need to
change to please me
The only think it takes
to please me is the one
thing you cannot give me:
yourself
Because the boy you once
were is hidden under layers and
layers of scars and defeat
they have buried him there
sentence him to death for what
make you you
But I live for the times
when, for a bried moment, my
face pushes away all of your
fears, and I hear him laugh and
see him in your eyes, and I know
You are still here
I liked it, but you need to add some punctuation. But take out the colons. Replace them with something better. Actually, the second one's okay.
Also, there's a couple little things
Because the boy you once
were is hidden under layers and
layers of scars and defeat
Very good. The way it was said was easy to understand, and well put. But it was rather vernacular (I don't know if that's an adjective or a noun, but you get the picture). In my oppinion, it could use some more poetic phrasing. But, then again that might not be your style. But, overall, I liked it a lot.
120,211 Literary Works • 649,106 Reviews
I appreciate it. 
Points: 1040
Reviews: 85
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