Young Writers Society

Hey! I just want to say, at first these poems reminded me of Frozen, with the whole idea of lies and ice. Just a random coincidence.
I love the alliteration in your first poem, Frozen Danger. It’s amazing. It adds a sort of slick, deceptive quality to the poem, which adds to the theme that ice is deceptive. You describe how beautiful ice and snow is, but then you go on to show how it can also be very dangerous. I think this is a great message, and it’s even more powerful because it’s not just specific to ice. It’s not just ice that is deceptive. There’s a lot of things that are deceptive, and initially lure you in, but then reveal their true nature as dangerous.
I also love your second poem! You have some really great similes there. For example, “lies are a never-ending snake slithering around your neck”. There’s a sense of tension in the poem, and a sense of momentum, which I think shows how lies can spin out of control.
The one suggestion I have is to elaborate more and be more specific. These poems are both very short, and it feels like they gloss over the topics without really diving in. For example, in Frozen, could you give some examples how ice can be dangerous? Maybe you could describe someone standing under an icicle to take a picture, and then the icicle falls and impales them. And in The Truth About Lies, you could add more specific examples of how it could affect someone’s life. How does it affect their friendships? How does it affect their reputation? Just more details about the impacts of ice and lies would really solidify the theme of those poems.
Overall, though, amazing job! I loved these poems.

Hey! Silverquill12 here with a review. Since there are two poems on here, I'll just... split the review in half, I guess.

Frozen Danger

Wow! This poem is really an exercise in alliteration and adjectives, isn't it? It's incredibly descriptive and visual, so good job!

I wondered if perhaps you could have done with a few metaphors to give it a more poetic feel, rather than just throwing in a bunch of adjectives. They're very useful at times, but I think too many of them clog up a piece, which is kind of what you have going on. The alliteration filters it somewhat, but it still feels slightly juvenile, or that you vomited a thesaurus on it.

Your line about the diamonds was good, and your comparisons to crystals were nice, albeit a little cliche.

One more thing: in the last line, I'd recommend replacing "amazing." It's a very simplistic adjective, and not one that fits with the tone. It feels to positive to be part of a warning, which is how it is used in your poem.

Overall, though, nice work! I like how you showed the beauty and danger of the ice in your poem.

The Truth About Lies

Already, great title. It sort of lends itself to irony, as how can there really be truth within lies? And wow, this poem has already made up for the lack of metaphor in the other. I love, love, love the part that describes a lie as "a car that won't stop." I'm not sure if you're familiar with the plot of Dear Evan Hansen, but it reminded me of how lies in that piece keep growing bigger and bigger before ultimately undoing everything.

The ending of your poem had a nice message, but again, it was displayed in a very blunt way. I wondered if you could perhaps lead up to it a little, so it's not as abrupt.

I also think that perhaps the pacing of your poem could be worked on, as I found myself having to reread the poem to accurately comprehend it. You start with two lines dedicated to the same metaphor, than go to one line, then back to two, then to three, then two, then two, then one, then the ending line. I think you should even this out and make them all two, to create a sense of poetic pattern that makes it more easy for the reader. It would flow better too.

I enjoyed this metaphor-rich poem very much. I found it painfully accurate and well done.

ALL IN ALL: Great work! I liked both your poems. Keep writing!