For a while we pretended that we never had to end it but we knew we'd have to say goodbye. You were crying at the airport when they finally closed the plane door. I could barely hold it all inside.
Kenzie's P.O.V
I finished packing my suitcase. I looked over at him. I knew he didn't want me to go but I had to. Hold it in. I told my self. "Ready?" I asked him to break the silence. He looked up with red eyes "um yeah...do you need a hand with your bags?" don't do it. You can't cry. I took a deep breath "yeah that would be nice. I just need to get my hand bag from my room. Ill met you at the car." He took my bag and nodded. I when into my room and pocketed the necklace. I grabbed my phone charger and a few other things and shoved them into the bag. I looked around my room. Nope I got everything. I though. I smiled and left the apartment. I walked out to the parking lot and got into the car. I turned to Calum. His face glistened. "You ok babe?" I asked. He sniffled "oh yeah." He put the keys in the ignition and drove off. We reached the airport and he helped take my bag in. I checked in and handed my bags over. Airport security allowed Calum to come through until I had to leave. We sat together in silence in the departure lounge. My head rested against his shoulder. I looked up at him. "I'm gonna miss you Cal." I said he looked down and kissed my forehead. "I know. You don't have to say it." "Could all passengers who are boarding flight 167 New York to London please make your way to the departure gate. That flight 167 new York to London." We heard over the speaker system. We got up and made our way over. When ever you're ready. Let it go. "Calum wait. I need to give you something. "He looked at me. I pulled the necklace out of my pocket. "Here." I said cracking on the end of my words. He held it in his hand then he brought it up to his neck and placed it on. "I'm gonna miss you so much" he said holding me close. I left a drop of water land on my shoulder. "Me to" I said in between tears. I let go of his hand and walked to ward the door. I looked back and ran into his arms with tear filled eyes. "Your gonna be ok. Call me when you land." I nodded and walked over. I stood at the door waved good bye and left.
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Hey guys this my first story on here so its probaby going to be rubbish.
i hope you guys like it
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Well...this one was a bit off there with the two POV's of what appears to be the same thing but...that aside, this does make for a pretty interesting start here, certainly showcasing quite a lot about these characters in this piece here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okayy...I am not sure what this part is meant to be. Is this somehow separate from the rest of the chapter as a narrator point of view or...its just a little confusing as to what this is doing here, cause it doesn't seem to be part of the part below which is in a specific POV but this while it is in someone's POV its just kinda out here as a random paragraph. This certainly does catch your eye though...we've got what appears to be a goodbye of some sort that seems to affecting both parties quite strongly...so that is an interesting touch but well let's see what's happening in that next part I suppose.
Okay...so this is potentially an alternative look at the scene in that first bit which makes me wonder if perhaps this is just meant to looking at the same scene in two different points of view or something along that anyway...it just doesn't quite seem clear why both of these need to be present here...but oh well let's move past that point now.
Getting to the actual story itself here, you have done a pretty good job of showcasing the emotions of this departure here, you can really see that it is hurting both of these people to have to be separate for whatever reason it is here...and that really shows you what can relationship they share and how much this trip here will effect them.
At any rate, it makes for quite a scene to be starting a story on, it appears we're going to be following the story these two perhaps as they have to deal with the results of them separated for this reason...here...and well its a pretty good pick for a starting scene here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, a pretty solid start here, just a couple of minor nitpicks that I had in this one. And it certainly seems like it leads to a pretty interesting that I just may have read here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hey girl, welcome to YWS!
Don't say your writing is rubbish, all writers are different and have their own special way of writing.
I'm a grammar freak, I'll come right out with it. Every time someone new talks, you need a new paragraph, and commas. Punctuation is key.
This was a really good story, definitely love.
Keep up the good work.
~Aarica
hey thank you so much for reading it. im glad you like it. ill be sure to edit it when i can
Hey MissMikerowave, Welcome to the Young Writers Society.
Alright to start with, if this is really your first story, WOW! My first story was literally RUBBISH!
Okay, so things you've got to work on:
1) Braking up your story into paragraphs. You see, if your story is all in one block it makes it really hard to read but if you brake it up it makes way easier to understand and enjoy.
2) When writing in first person it can be hard make it as interesting, because you are always 'telling' the reader what is happening instead of 'showing' them.
Other then throughs few things I think your story was great and has a lot of potential.
~Nikki
hey thank you for the comments. ill be sure to edit it when i get a chance. ill make sure chapter 2 is better
Heya! First of all, don't say it's going to be rubbish. No writing is rubbish!!
I like your first line, it's a good introduction but that's not what I like about it. What I think is awesome is how it sounds when you read it! Goodbye and inside almost rhyme, and they turn your first line into a sort of poem.
You should probably have a comma here.
You just forgot some formatting here. You need a capital for Yeah and a full stop after taking the deep breath.
The last nitpick I have is that you need to paragraph this chapter. Instead of having it all in one chunk, break it up. You could do that when a new person starts talking, or when there is a new 'thought'.
That's all I can find that needs to be fixed! Your story sounds awesome and I hope that you continue it!
im gald you like the begining part. its actually the lryics to a 5 seconds of summer song called wherver you are. ill be sure to take your addivice and edit my story.