Published February 8, 2009
The Wind
What am I? I’m just a breeze
I can ruffle your hair
I can make ripples on the pond
I can move the trees
I can propel aeroplanes
I can creep through cracks in the windows
I can wriggle through gaps in your clothes
I can cause goose pimples on your arms
I can refresh you on a summer day
I can freeze you on a winter day
I can pick up a feather and carry it far
I can push a boat
I can generate power
I can throw dirt into your eyes
I can bring in the rain
I can spread a fire
I can wave the leaves on trees
But for now, I’m just going to blow
Carrying with me clouds
And soil
And planes
And boats
And leaves
Because that’s what I do
I’m just a breeze.
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141,430 Literary Works • 674,411 Reviews
I'll come back to critique this later. You've got an IOU for today. But there are somethings I'd like to adress.
First of all, Reviewing on your own piece to earn points is unfair. Like Nutty implied, you really should post on others works to earn points. In that way, you are helping the entire YWS community. Remember, you should review two works by other users before you post something of your own. It really helps the community!
Second of all, you posted your second poem, "the Rain", as a review. Instead please post it as a new poem so that more people can view it. It does cost points to post a new story, but you should be earning them by helping others.
I hope that these guidelines have helped you. When I first started, it was really helpful to me when I looked over the rules that Nate posted. He basically lays it all out for you.
No need to be sorry! Just try to post some reviews. I'm sure you'll find many pieces that you'll love.
PM me with any questions.
-dd9
The Rain
Who am I? I am the rain
I beat down steadily
Day and night
I rush along gutters
I gargle down drains
I drip off roofs
Because I am the rain
And that’s what I do
I make the flowers grow
I am your water
Your water of life
Filtered, much filtered
But still it is I
Because I am the rain
And that’s what I do
I pour down on children
Pensioners and adults
I creep down their necks
And dampen their clothes
And make them shiver and whine and moan
Because I am the rain
And that’s what I do
Everybody hates me
They think I’m a pain
They sing the Sun’s praises
But what about rain?
You moan when I’m here
You groan when I’m not
Make up your minds
Because I’m the only water you’ve got
Sorry, lol
0.o Is that even allowed?
....dude, that's...kinda sad. Why don't you just go and review someone else's work? The point of the points system is so we all help each other out.
I really like the first person nature of this poem!!!
It's so true and it makes the wind sound so fed up!
Yes, I know I'm reviewing my own poem but I don't have enough points to post another one!!!
So, yeah, it's a great poem and I can't wait for the next one
Maybe I could try rhyming in the next one?