Lost

PreviousNext

So lost...

Without anyone else

I lost...

Everything that matters most to me

I lost...

The one I love most

I lost...

My happiness forever

I hate...

The person I am without you

Can't Stop...

My tears or the pain

Nothing to do...

But suffer through each day

Without you.

Comments & reviews · 4
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Hey! SecreteJournalist here to review for The Green Lanterns! Happy review day to you, and welcome to YWS!

I like this poem a lot, but I do see a few flaws.
I will show you stanza by stanza.

So lost...

Without anyone else

This needs a period at the end of the sentence, as well as every stanza after this besides the last one! Either than that, great. I wont mention the period for the rest of the poem/

I lost...

Everything that matters most to me


I liked this, short but mysterious.

I lost...

The one I love most

This left me wondering who!

I lost...

My happiness forever

This was really dramatic .-.

I hate...

The person I am without you

Heartbreaks are sad :/

Can't Stop...

My tears or the pain

the pain in what? Explain just a little bit/

Nothing to do...

But suffer through each day

Without you.

Ah, and now I understand the pain in the last stanza.

You did a good job, I found close to nothing to correct! Great job, keep writing, I will keep reading!

~Sincerely
SecreteJournalist
AKA
Brie

User avatar
sl4y41zm3
Review

First thing I got to say... Wow. I just recently lost my Grandma and... Wow. This whole thing is true. It's all just amazing! The meaning behind it is really good, and just from this shirt little thing I felt the tears burning in my eyes. You're an amazing writer and I really hope that I can read more of your works :)
Hitting you with another review
Sl4y4

User avatar
Fizz
Review
Fizz wrote a review · Mon Aug 12, 2013 1:55 am

Hey!
I'm loving the concept, the way you've written this has given the lines a emphatic length. You've really conveyed that when you lose a person you also lose a lot more.
My biggest suggestion would be to use some boring punctuation. I think you need periods at the end of sentences to create some clarity.
"I lost...

Everything that matters most to me

I lost...

The one I love most"

Maybe consider some re-wording here to get rid of the repetition of 'most'. It makes those lines a little clunky.

Very emotive writing, really good stuff!

Random avatar
KrystaG
Review
KrystaG wrote a review · Mon Aug 12, 2013 1:41 am

Hey there, KrystaG here. I am going to review your poem.(:
First off, this is very rateable and I find that being able to have your readers relate to your piece of work is always a good quality to have. I have lost a lot of important people to me and the first thought I always have is "I hate who I am without you" so I found irony in this. Many people find that it is a good thing to have people who feel the same way as you. You have no grammar mistakes or anything like that so this is a very good piece.(:
~XOXO



Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
— George Santayana