So lost...
Without anyone else
I lost...
Everything that matters most to me
I lost...
The one I love most
I lost...
My happiness forever
I hate...
The person I am without you
Can't Stop...
My tears or the pain
Nothing to do...
But suffer through each day
Without you.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Hey! SecreteJournalist here to review for The Green Lanterns! Happy review day to you, and welcome to YWS!
I like this poem a lot, but I do see a few flaws.
I will show you stanza by stanza.
So lost...
Without anyone else
This needs a period at the end of the sentence, as well as every stanza after this besides the last one! Either than that, great. I wont mention the period for the rest of the poem/
I lost...
Everything that matters most to me
I liked this, short but mysterious.
I lost...
The one I love most
This left me wondering who!
I lost...
My happiness forever
This was really dramatic .-.
I hate...
The person I am without you
Heartbreaks are sad :/
Can't Stop...
My tears or the pain
the pain in what? Explain just a little bit/
Nothing to do...
But suffer through each day
Without you.
Ah, and now I understand the pain in the last stanza.
You did a good job, I found close to nothing to correct! Great job, keep writing, I will keep reading!
~Sincerely
SecreteJournalist
AKA
Brie
First thing I got to say... Wow. I just recently lost my Grandma and... Wow. This whole thing is true. It's all just amazing! The meaning behind it is really good, and just from this shirt little thing I felt the tears burning in my eyes. You're an amazing writer and I really hope that I can read more of your works
Hitting you with another review
Sl4y4
Hey!
I'm loving the concept, the way you've written this has given the lines a emphatic length. You've really conveyed that when you lose a person you also lose a lot more.
My biggest suggestion would be to use some boring punctuation. I think you need periods at the end of sentences to create some clarity.
"I lost...
Everything that matters most to me
I lost...
The one I love most"
Maybe consider some re-wording here to get rid of the repetition of 'most'. It makes those lines a little clunky.
Very emotive writing, really good stuff!
Hey there, KrystaG here. I am going to review your poem.

First off, this is very rateable and I find that being able to have your readers relate to your piece of work is always a good quality to have. I have lost a lot of important people to me and the first thought I always have is "I hate who I am without you" so I found irony in this. Many people find that it is a good thing to have people who feel the same way as you. You have no grammar mistakes or anything like that so this is a very good piece.
~XOXO