z

Young Writers Society


16+ Mature Content

The Rage (Chapter 5: Part 1)

by MissGangamash


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

“I still don’t think we should be going,” said Lillian, holding the apple pie she’d made tightly like she needed the warmth.

“It’ll be suspicious if we don’t.” Ezra was five steps ahead like he always was when they travelled in a group. His long-legged strides looked cool and casual. His dark hair was styled and shining in the moonlight. He’d never specifically said it, but Gabriel knew he walked ahead because he thought he was their protector. He was sure he had played the classic if you want them, you’ve got to go through me scene in his head a thousand times. And if Lillian’s anxious ramblings were anything to go by, this may be the night he got to try to be a hero. Emphasis on ‘try’.

“Everything will be fine. You’ve got me.” Ben squeezed Lillian close to him, a reassuring smile on his naïve little face. “They’re still your neighbours. Nothing’s changed.”

Everything had changed. Ezra had told him about the kid that died. An innocent kid playing a stupid prank; thinking he was funny. He had acted like this mass hysteria was a joke and was cruelly proved that it wasn’t. But Gabriel knew how humans worked. He’d been around long enough to know that when they’re scared, they put on a brave face and laugh about their problems. Even when people die, it’s fine because it would ‘never happen to them’. If a threat isn’t on their doorstep, it’s a meme.

All four of them stopped in front of the door. Lillian and Ben looked to Ezra, eyes wide and shining. Gabriel could feel Ezra’s nerves thrumming from him like an electrical charge. But just as he was about to open his mouth to say something about taking the lead to embarrass him, Ezra pushed the door open and to his surprise, Gabriel felt his stomach lurch in protest.

Gabriel expected everyone to stop. For the music to screech to a halt. For everyone to turn and stare. For the world to stand still for a moment.

None of that happened. The four of them entered the party and blended in seamlessly. So seamlessly that Ezra quirked his eyebrow at Gabriel as he crossed the room in an I told you so way that had him clenching his jaw. Not that Gabriel wanted them to be run out of the village like a bunch of monsters, but what drama that would be.

Across the room, Becca stood with her housemate Maeve, wine glasses in hand and caught up in conversation. She was wearing a signature summer dress, and her long, dark hair styled and curled. Gabriel fought the urge to go over and speak to her. He hadn’t stopped thinking about their moment in Julian’s living room. If the old man hadn’t called out for her, what would have happened? Would they have continued flirting? Did he even want them to continue flirting? Sure, he had strong feelings for her but he had ended things for a reason.

Knowing full well that talking to her right now would only confuse him and end up with him spewing awkward chit chat before he made an excuse to leave, he followed Lillian and Ben over to the food.

“Someone else made a pie.” Lillian slid her pie onto the gingham table, her shoulders wilting as she looked at the cherry pie next to hers. This one had pastry crossing the top, exposing little windows of glistening cherries. Lillian’s was plain with just a cross detailing the centre. Gabriel had to admit, the cherry pie looked a lot more appealing. Not that he was going to taste either.

“I bet it’s not as good as yours though, my sweet,” said Ben.

Lillian was still pouting.

“Try it,” she said. “Tell me if it’s better.”

The colour washed from poor Ben’s face. “I’m not that hungry.”

“Please.” Lillian fluttered her long eyelashes and Gabriel couldn’t help envisioning her doing the exact same thing to Ezra eighteen years ago. Back when she was human and he was, to her, the enticing young barman that was going to spice up her boring marriage. “For me?”

A dimple cratered in Ben’s cheek. “Fine. For you.”

She bounced a little and planted a kiss on his jaw.

Gabriel stood there, hands in his trouser pockets, wondering why the hell he hadn’t left yet. Ben took the cake knife and cut out a tiny triangle piece of the cherry pie. The first piece. There was always something about being the first person to cut the cake at an event that felt wrong. Although, in the back of Gabriel’s mind, he did think that being around Ben while he ate should divert suspicion. He didn’t particularly like the way he swooned at everything Lillian ever said or did, but he did help them blend in and he irked Ezra to no end so he was good to have around.

“The pastry is flaky,” Ben commented, spitting crumbs. “And I’m not a fan of cherries. Apple pie always wins.”

Lillian smiled wide. “Now you’ve gotta try mine.”

And that was Gabriel’s cue to leave. He went over to the drinks station and poured himself a glass of cheap red wine to sip as he milled around. Church functions were never the liveliest. They were just a place to talk to the same people you passed in the streets or met in the shops or in the pub every night. But he liked it here in Hicklesbury. It was quaint and quiet and peaceful. It was the type of place British dramas were always based in. Where there was always some sort of juicy scandal. The only scandal that had happened since he moved here was a bunch of teenagers went through a phase of hiding in wheelie bins and jumping out at people. But that stopped after a week when one of them jumped out on the wrong person and ended up with a black eye.

As Gabriel casually wandered past his gossiping neighbours, he caught snippets of conversations. Tony’s son wanted to study in Birmingham. Carol’s fibromyalgia was acting up again, it took her over an hour to get dressed this morning. Bernice had found a new lasagne recipe that you have got to try. But it was the conversation between Laura, Ryan and Jacob that gave him pause. Gabriel recognised the kids. Ryan was the grandson of one of his first patients. He wore trainers to his funeral and everyone did the small village thing where they talked about how disrespectful it was behind his back but never said anything to him or his parents.

“Bet there’s some new vampire franchise that they’re trying to promote or something. Advertising is taking things way too far these days,” said Ryan, scrolling through his phone.

“Really?” Laura sounded sceptical. “They said they found these people in a club basement. They weren’t exactly out in public. Pretty shit advertising.”

“But it’s all over the internet now.”

“Nah, I bet it’s some kink shit. Drinking blood in the basement of a club? Defo sex club,” joined in Jacob, making Laura arch her eyebrow.

“I mean… people are into some weird shit in the bedroom.”

Ryan nudged her. “Sounds like something you’d be interested in, aye? Look! She’s blushing!”

“Never say never,” she said with a comically dramatic wink. That’s when she caught Gabriel’s eye and flushed beetroot red. Both Ryan and Jacob followed her eyes.

“Sup, Gabe,” said Ryan, his voice noticeably dropping an octave.

“Evening.” Gabriel lifted his glass in greeting. “What’s all this about kink shit?”

Laura pressed her chin into her chest and tried to hide her face behind her cider can.

“You see the story? Some club up north. The police were raiding it for drugs but found a load of people down in the basement chewing on each other’s necks. People are making out that they’re vampires,” said Jacob.

“Really?” Gabriel took a sip of his wine. “No, I haven’t heard about it. Don’t follow the news much. So, the police are saying they’re vampires?”

The boys scoffed.

“Nah, just some tapped people commenting on Facebook. Probably the same people who get their rocks off reading all that vampire romance bullshit,” said Ryan, clearly eager to let his voice be heard. He and Gabriel had spent quite a bit of time together when he was looking after his grandfather. The boy wasn’t much. He hadn’t cared about his grandfather and was very disrespectful to his mother. He liked Gabriel. Well, he always seemed to want to impress him. It was a lost cause. Gabriel had always found him to be a bit of a dick.

“So, what’s the real story?”

“Like I said, kink shit,” replied Jacob.

“That all? So, we’ve got nothing to be worried about?” Gabriel masked his real concern with fake concern.

“Why, you scared, Gabe? Think these vamps will come after ya?” Ryan’s laugh was loud and obnoxious. If Gabriel hadn’t had a rule to drink only from the elderly, he was sure he would rather have this little prick six feet under instead of his veteran grandfather.

“People are a little scared,” Laura piped up. Her cheeks had simmered to a rosy glow, but she couldn’t hold Gabriel’s eyes. She still held the can close to her lips, an insecure reflex. “It’s more than just Facebook comments. People have been putting up videos of people’s eyes changing colour. There’s a video of a woman with fangs. Her eyes are all black and under her eyes are all… like pulsating.” She glanced at Gabriel. It was only for a second but he caught, not fear in her eyes, but exhilaration.

“Yeah, ever heard of special effects?” Ryan rolled his eyes. “It’s just people jumping on the bandwagon. People love to stir shit.”

“It’s real,” she snapped at her friend. “My auntie said it’s crazy in the city. That guy that died isn’t the only one dressing like a vampire. Apparently, it’s like some cult thing. Everyone’s doing it. Well, kids are doing it. My auntie said that she’s been researching how to protect herself. All the parents have. Just in case, y’know?”

“Yeah? And what’s she found out?”

This aughta be good. The internet was rife with misinformation about real vampires.

Laura chewed on her lip, moving the can from her mouth. Clearly, she was getting a lot more confident now Gabriel was focusing solely on her and was intrigued by what she had to say. “Well, first, they can’t go into churches.” She gestured to the crucifix with the dying Jesus above her. “Hence, why we’re in a church.”

“We always have these stupid gatherings here. It’s got nothing to do with the vampire stuff,” chimed in Jacob.

“Is your mum on the committee?” She sent him a glare. “No? Didn’t think so. I know stuff you don’t.” She looked back at Gabriel and tilted her head, biting her bottom lip to try to look flirtatious. “They don’t have reflections. Can’t go out in daylight-”

“Then why we having this party in the evening?”

“Because that’s when the church is free,” she answered Jacob without taking her eyes off Gabriel. Feeling a little uncomfortable by this teenager’s lust filled gaze, he turned and spotted Becca still with Maeve by the drinks. As if feeling his eyes on her, she looked up. And smiled. His stomach knotted. “They can’t touch silver,” Laura continued, a little louder to get his attention. “Burns them.”

Silver? They knew about silver? And just like that, he noticed it. Looking around the room at all his neighbours, at the people he had known and grown relationships with, at the community he liked to think he was a part of… most of them were wearing silver.

Earrings. Necklaces. Bracelets. Watches. He’d never seen so much jewellery in Hicklesbury in all the five years of living here.

They believed the stories. They were researching. This was most definitely a problem.

“Excuse me.” He headed for the toilet, grabbing Ezra by his shirt sleeve and pulling him away from a riveting conversation about the new Star Wars series.

He pushed Ezra into the toilets and then slammed open the cubicle door to check that they were alone.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Ezra asked at his back.

Gabriel turned and ran his hands through his hair. “Have you noticed? What they’re wearing?”

At this, Ezra’s thin shoulders slumped. He turned to the sink, clasped the basin and stared into the plughole. “Silver. Yeah, I saw.”

“They believe it. The stories. They think it’s real.”

“Yeah. Because it is.” He looked at Gabriel through the mirror. His dark eyes fixed on him, strong and immovable. It was at moments like this when Ezra’s real age showed through his youthful exterior. “Being here. Secluded in this little village. It gave us a bit of time but the internet… news travels fast now. It was only a matter of time.”

“Apparently there’re videos.”

“Yeah.” Ezra turned and leaned against the basin. “We’re being actively looked for.”

“Do you think anyone suspects us?”

“From what I’ve gathered… no.” His jaw clenched. “I know you don’t like me telling you how to live but you can’t keep killing your patients. Not now. I don’t care if they’re racist or they don’t like your taste in music. They’ll be watching our every move.”

Gabriel’s nostrils flared. “I’ve got a good thing going here. We’ve got a good thing going here. Do you think we’ll have to move?”

“To where? An even more secluded village? Like you said, we’ve all got a good thing going here. Lillian’s all loved up with Ben. As much as I hate it, she’s happy. You’ve got your night-time care nurse thing. I mean, I can be a barman anywhere but this place is our home. We’ve just got to keep blending in. And be extra cautious.” The last comment was accompanied by a very pointed look.

Gabriel huffed. He hated when Ezra was right. “Fine. Whatever.”

Ezra pushed himself off the sink and slapped Gabriel on the back. “Now, we’d better get out of here before we fuel more gossip. You know Doris Lang thinks we’re dating?”

Gabriel pulled a face.

Ezra shrugged. “I mean, why else would you be hanging around with a twenty-year-old you’re not related to?”

“Hey, it’s Lillian who likes them young. Not me.”

“Awh, don’t ruin it for her. Doris sounded so excited to be friends with homosexuals.”


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
465 Reviews


Points: 29825
Reviews: 465

Donate
Sat Sep 05, 2020 7:58 pm
View Likes
starlitmind wrote a review...



Hey hey, I'm finally back for the next chapter!! :D

His long-legged strides looked cool and casual. His dark hair was styled and shining in the moonlight. He’d never specifically said it, but Gabriel knew he walked ahead because he thought he was their protector. He was sure he had played the classic if you want them, you’ve got to go through me scene in his head a thousand times.


Okay this is really nitcpicky, but you started several sentences in a row with "His/He." I think it would be nice to have some sentence structure variation here to keep your reader engaged!

Nothing’s changed.”

Everything had changed.


I love the bitter transition

An innocent kid playing a stupid prank; thinking he was funny.


I think a comma works better than a semicolon

Even when people die, it’s fine because it would ‘never happen to them’. If a threat isn’t on their doorstep, it’s a meme.


Wow, this is such a nice comparison. It really puts things into perspective. Small thing, the period should be put inside the quote ('never happen to them.')

Also, I agree with Stromblessed that your use of pronouns is a bit confusing. I'll give you an example!

So seamlessly that Ezra quirked his eyebrow at Gabriel as he crossed the room in an I told you so way that had him clenching his jaw.


I'm not quite sure who crossed the room and who clenched their jaw. I think it wouldn't hurt to clear up in areas like this who is who :)

If the old man hadn’t called out for her, what would have happened? Would they have continued flirting? Did he even want them to continue flirting? Sure, he had strong feelings for her but he had ended things for a reason.


👀

“Someone else made a pie.” Lillian slid her pie onto the gingham table, her shoulders wilting as she looked at the cherry pie next to hers.


Lillian's pie > the cherry pie c:

“I bet it’s not as good as yours though, my sweet,” said Ben.


I agree!

The only scandal that had happened since he moved here was a bunch of teenagers went through a phase of hiding in wheelie bins and jumping out at people. But that stopped after a week when one of them jumped out on the wrong person and ended up with a black eye.


Haha, I love this small little detail! xD

Carol’s fibromyalgia was acting up again, it took her over an hour to get dressed this morning.


This is a run-on which you can easily fix by replacing the comma with a period or a semicolon or adding a conjunction after the comma.

But it was the conversation between Laura, Ryan and Jacob that gave him pause.


"gave him pause" sounds a bit weird to me. Perhaps "made him pause"?

If Gabriel hadn’t had a rule to drink only from the elderly, he was sure he would rather have this little prick six feet under instead of his veteran grandfather.


Omg haha

Clearly, she was getting a lot more confident now Gabriel was focusing solely on her and was intrigued by what she had to say.


I think inserting a "that" after "now" would make this flow better.

“Well, first, they can’t go into churches.” She gestured to the crucifix with the dying Jesus above her. “Hence, why we’re in a church.”


This cracked me up xD

“Then why we having this party in the evening?”


Since this is dialogue, you don't have to have correct grammar, but I get a feeling you meant to add "are" after "why."

Earrings. Necklaces. Bracelets. Watches. He’d never seen so much jewellery in Hicklesbury in all the five years of living here.

They believed the stories. They were researching. This was most definitely a problem.


Uh oh :o I love the foreshadowing. I have a feeling things are going to get pretty bad soon...

And that's it! No surprise that this is another wonderful chapter c: You're really building tension and suspense. The conversation between Gabriel and those other three people was really informative and important. I like how we got to see humans' point of view on the whole vampire thing. I really enjoyed this chapter, and I hope this helped! :D

Image






I used this chapter for one of my uni assignments and even my tutor was invested in Lillian's pie XD I love that it's become a thing. Lillian's baked good are their own character in this novel.

I've done some switching up of pronouns in my Word doc to make things clearer.

Thanks for the review! Things start happening in the next part!



User avatar
120 Reviews


Points: 5578
Reviews: 120

Donate
Wed Sep 02, 2020 2:31 am
View Likes
Overwatchful wrote a review...



Hello, Stormblessed here!
Great chapter! The tension's really rising!
There are a few mistakes so let's get right to it.

He didn’t particularly like the way he swooned at everything Lillian ever said or did, but he did help them blend in and he irked Ezra to no end so he was good to have around.

This sentence feels really long and awkward, maybe try rewriting it more like this: "He didn't particularly like the way Ben swooned at everything Lillian said or did, but he did help them blend in and he irked Ezra to no end, so he was good to have around."

Ok, so when you say "lasagne," do you mean "lasagna?"
Because lasagne is a variation of pasta, while lasagna is the classic pasta/sauce/cheese dish.

He wore trainers to his funeral

One recurring problem I'm seeing in this chapter is the use of pronouns. It gets confusing sometimes which "he" you mean. Try using names a little more often and that should clear it up.

he was sure he would rather have this little prick six feet under instead of his veteran grandfather.

No corrections here, I just like the way that you've referenced in multiple chapters that Gabriel has killed a few seniors in this town.

"Apparently there’re videos.”

"There're" is not a word. Just write out "there are."

Besides all these, this was great! Like I said before, the tension is rising, and you convey that well in your writing. I'm going to go read the next part now!

Hope this helped!
Stormblessed242
Image






Thanks for the review!

I've been looking up lasagne vs. lasagna and I'm getting so confused. Lasagna is even coming up with a red line under it. Some say it's just the American version and lasagne is British, but then others say lasagne is just the pasta.

But there's lasagne recipes... this is weirdly stressful XD

'There're' is a proper conjunction, it just looks a bit iffy. I only ever use it in dialogue because it's how it's pronounced but I know it looks weird.

Hope you enjoy the next part!




I haven't failed, I've found 10,000 ways that don't work.
— Thomas Edison