z

Young Writers Society


16+

The Rage (Chapter 2)

by MissGangamash


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Chapter 2

Ezra held his phone to his ear, feeling more and more panicked the longer the ringing continued. When it went to voice-mail, he sent a text instead.

‘Just heard about the raid. Is everyone okay? What’s happened?’

Staring down at his phone screen, he searched within himself for his bond. Not his bond to Lillian, but the bond to his own Maker. It was still there, faint due to distance, but there. Ezra closed his eyes with relief. At least his Maker wasn’t dead.

For the remainder of his break, he sat on the doorstep staring at the screen, chewing the inside of his cheek as he awaited a response.

“Dude, it’s suddenly got super rammed. Gonna need you back,” said Mitch, slapping the doorjamb. When Ezra turned to look at him, he furrowed his brows. “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Ezra got to his feet.

“You sure? You look spooked.”

Ezra walked past him. “Yeah, I’m fine. We’ve got customers waiting.”

Ezra felt like he was on autopilot for the rest of his shift, he barely remembered serving anyone. He spent the next four hours either checking the clock or his phone. Now who’s being unprofessional?

When it finally got to 2am, he handed the keys to Mitch to lock up and headed home to grab the car. He usually vampire-sprinted his way to the city but with what the News was covering at the moment, he felt it was best to be extra cautious, even if it did mean the journey would take twice as long.

The aqua coloured Mini Cooper had been Lillian’s car when she had been human and married to her boring accountant husband, Derek. He had bought the car for her as a way to apologise for being a workaholic. Now the three of them shared the vehicle. It wasn’t to Gabriel’s and Ezra’s tastes but it saved them from clogging up their narrow street with three separate cars.

It was just coming up to 4am when Ezra drove by Moonlight. The windows were bordered up and the police tape was still there. Usually at this time, the club would still be heaving, with groups out in the smoking area making new friends and girls trying to chat up the security guards.

Ezra kept driving until he found the other club he frequented. Black Velvet was still in business. He found a parking space a few streets away and headed inside, not without being stopped by the bouncer at the door. Ezra showed him his fake driver’s license and popped out his fangs. The bouncer nodded and stepped aside.

Black Velvet was much more lowkey than Moonlight. It was a simply decorated club with low ceilings and high stools – velvet, of course. For a Thursday night, it was pretty empty. There were a few groups in the booths and a couple of people lingering around the bar, but there was a melancholy feeling in the air.

The music was slow and sensual. The red strip lighting beneath the bar and booths that pulsed to the rhythm of the song added to the sexy feeling. Ezra spotted his friend behind the bar and crossed the dancefloor.

“Dalia,” Ezra said in greeting, showing the bartender an easy smile.

“Thought you’d stopped doing business with us,” replied Dalia with a smile of her own. The woman had dyed white hair pulled up in a messy ponytail. Her skin was also lily white, contrasting with her blood red lipstick, black corset and leather trousers.

“You know it’s nothing personal.” Ezra eased onto a bar stool.

“I know. You can’t stand the heat.” She winked.

The truth was, Black Velvet attracted the kinds of vampires out to find an extra body or two to join them in the boudoir, and so very much not Ezra’s sort of people.

“I tried calling Silas but I’m not getting through. What the hell happened?”

“You not watched the News?”

“I read an article but I couldn’t get my head around it. Seemed like they were holding a lot of story.”

Dalia shook her head and sighed. “It was a drug bust.”

“What?”

“Humans were claiming they went there for nights out and forgot what happened. It’s been going on a while and I guess they just brushed it off as people getting too drunk. But then it just kept happening so police probably thought it was some spiking situation. Of course, we know it was rookie vampires not compelling right.” Dalia looked tired of the whole thing. “So yeah, police raided the place and found a bunch of vamps drinking for humans down in the basement.” She leaned back against the back counter, folded her arms over her chest and let out a bitter laugh. “And now we’re all in the shit, aren’t we?”

Ezra was silent for a moment as he processed what she’d just said. The News had said nothing about drugs – just that the club was raided for reasons that were not being disclosed. He had been to Moonlight at least twice a month for the past five years and, of course, he knew that they bled humans there. It was where he got his stash from. But he’d had no idea that they had vampires actually drinking from the vein hiding in the basement.

Dalia was smirking at him. “And you thought this place was too seedy for you.”

“But… how could they be so stupid?” Ezra could feel anger, hot and acidic, boiling in his chest.

“Apparently vamps pay good money to drink from the vein in a comfortable and safe environment.”

Ezra shook his head, disappointed with his species. “What’s gonna happen to this place? You had police here?”

“Nah.” Dalia looked down at the floor. Ezra could tell that she was trying to act cool and casual for the sake of saving face. This raid was a big deal, they both knew it. Being the owner of a vampire bar was not a good situation to be in right now. “We’re good. But if you need new supplies, you’d better get them now because I’m gonna have to cut people off, at least ‘til this blows over.”

By the way she was watching her boots and hugging herself tightly, it was clear she didn’t want to discuss this matter any further.

“I’ll take twenty bottles of 0 negative, if you’ve got it.”

“Sure.” Dalia pushed herself off the counter. “But you’re gonna have to buy a regular drink too, club policy.”

“A pint of your cheapest beer, please.”

She smiled and poured his drink. It was obvious she needed a distraction, so Ezra was going to sit and nurse his disgusting human drink and keep her company until that smile looked real.

Ezra returned home at just past 6am, with about an hour to spare until sun-up. He sensed that Gabriel was home even before hearing his TV on in his bedroom. He also sensed Lillian in her room, asleep but not alone. His jaw clenched. He’d deal with her at sundown.

In bed, Ezra lay in the dark, staring at the ceiling. He had a dilemma. Should he tell them about what was happening? If they hadn’t heard it already. Perhaps it was best to hear things from him? Gabriel would dismiss the whole thing – tell them that there was nothing to worry about. But Lillian would panic. She’d only been a vampire for twenty years. She wasn’t ready to deal with something of this magnitude.

In truth, was he?

It was 6pm when Ezra awoke and headed downstairs. It was his night off but he really wished it wasn’t. With nothing to do, his mind was playing his conversation with Dalia on a loop. He had been right in thinking that she had needed company last night. They had reminisced about the past. About how they had both moved around throughout their lives. Dalia had lived in almost every European country in the past seventy years and was considering moving again. Ezra hadn’t asked, but he knew why. But if the government started sniffing around for vampires here in England, how long would it take the rest of the world to follow?

“Good evening.”

Ezra looked up from the table to his company. Lillian strolled into the kitchen in her fluffy pink nightgown and matching slippers. Ezra’s smile fell when she was closely followed by Ben.

“So, he’s staying over now?” Ezra arched his eyebrow at Ben over his steaming mug of blood.

Ben audibly gulped and his wide eyes found Lillian like a frightened child.

“Be nice.” Lillian swatted Ezra playfully on the shoulder. “Want me to make you some eggs?”

Ben smiled enthusiastically but then caught Ezra’s death glare. “Actually, I’d bet get going.”

“You sure, hun?”

Ezra watched him. “Yeah, you sure, hun?”

“Stop that.” Lillian swatted him again, this time with an oven mitt.

Ezra put down his mug. “But seriously. What do you do all day when she’s out cold, huh?”

Ben shrugged, pulling at the hem of his checked shirt awkwardly. “I dunno… play on my phone. Watch Youtube videos.”

“While she’s just lying there like a corpse next to you? Please don’t tell me you cuddle her.”

“Well-” He looked to Lillian for help.

Ezra’s lip curled up with disgust. “That’s creepy, dude.” He shook his head. “So creepy.”

A beat of silence followed.

“So.” Lillian clapped her hands together. “Eggs?”

“No, really, I’d really better get going.” Ben dropped a quick peck on Lillian’s cheek, very clearly avoiding Ezra’s gaze, before swiftly exiting the room. “I’ll see you later!”

When they heard the front door shut, Ezra was whacked again. He smiled.

“Why do you have to be like that?” Lillian scolded. Even though she had left that housewife life behind her two decades ago, she still hadn’t lost that shrill mumsy voice of hers. Her blonde, 70s shoulder-length hairdo that was all kinks and flicks also added to the misinformed image that she was a tired baby boomer chastising her son for being mean to his new stepdad.

“Because he’s human,Lillian. It’s weird,” he complained. “And also, very dangerous.” Especially with what’s been going on lately.

Lillian sank down into the chair opposite him at the small, square table. “But he’s also very sweet and he cares about me.”

“Your relationship started with you biting him and not being able to compel him right to forget but hey, turns out he’s totally fine with you drinking his blood anyway. It’s weird.”

“So, you’re saying it’s weird for someone to love me?”

Ezra sighed. “You know that’s not what I’m saying. What I am saying is are you really doomed to make the same mistake over and over again?”

“And what mistake is that?” A defensive edge crept into her tone. She folded her arms on the tabletop challengingly.

“Picking the wrong guy. C’mon. You had an affair and ran off with a vampire barman when you were human.”

“I had an affair with you.”

“Yeah.” He gestured to himself. “A vampire barman.”

She smiled despite herself. “You weren’t a mistake, Ezra. I’ve loved every moment of being your progeny. I asked for this life, remember?”

“Is that what this whole thing is with Ben, then? Are you planning on Turning him?”

She scoffed. “God, no. Sure, I missed out on being a mother with Derek but now I’m a vampire, I feel like a kid again. I don’t want that responsibility.”

Ezra looked over to the pack of eggs waiting on the side, then at the loaf of bread by the toaster. He smirked. “Are you dating a human so you get to cook for someone?”

She smiled coyly. Lillian had the wonderful ability to look like a stern mother one moment, and a giddy teenager the next. Her agelessness is what had first attracted him way back when. “Maybe that might have a little something to do with it.”

Ezra laughed and took another sip of his blood. Lillian got up and opened the fridge.

“I’m not going to stop teasing him. The boy’s gotta man up.”

“And might that have a little something to do with how Gabe isn’t scared of you?” Lillian peered at him.

Ezra’s smile fell and he shuffled about in his chair. He thought for a moment then shook his head and cut his gaze to her.“Shut up.”

.

.

.

Gabriel dressed into his jeans and t-shirt, throwing his nurses tunic on over the top as he left his bedroom. The smell of freshly baked scones was slowly consuming their quaint terrace house.

Lillian was in the kitchen, wrist deep in a bowl of some sort of baking mix. Ezra was at the table, his eyes stuck to his phone screen.

“You got in late this morning,” said Gabriel with a smirk. Ezra was always the first to call him out on playing fast and loose with sunrise – and in turn, a brutal death.

“Yeah,” Ezra replied casually, not even taking his eyes off his phone.

Gabriel frowned. He rather liked a little confrontation to start the night. And Ezra usually never disappointed. Weird.

“Hey, Gabe.” Lillian smiled over her shoulder and nodded over to the stack of sultana and raisin scones on the side. “I made Julian’s favourite.”

Gabriel laughed. “You know he can’t eat that many. His stomach is like the size of an apple.”

“Well, then pass them around. I know Becca would appreciate the kind gesture.” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

Ezra’s phone buzzed and he was on his feet in an instant. “I gotta go.”

Gabriel watched as he left the room, not even acknowledging him as he past.

“I’m taking the car!” he called back before the front door shut behind him.

“What’s up with him?” Gabriel looked back to Lillian.

She was now kneading what he assumed was bread dough, her back to him. “Dunno. He was just sat there for like an hour. Fridge is fully stocked. Way more than usual. Didn’t think he was going to the city ‘til tonight.”

Gabriel opened the fridge and indeed, there were four times as many blood bottles than his usual pick-up. He shrugged and filled his thermos.

At Julian’s, Becca was sitting in Julian’s chair in front of the blank TV, waiting for Gabriel’s arrival. When he entered the living room, she turned and smiled. There were dark rings around her eyes and her hair had that frayed quality around her temples that seemed to happen when people were tired, stressed, overworked – or all of the above.

“Hi,” she said but it came out as more of a sigh.

“Where’s Claudia?” he asked. It was usually Julian’s daytime care worker who would be sat waiting for him. With a scowl set on her face most of the time. It did make Gabriel wonder how people with very unwelcoming and unapproachable demeanours were able to become care workers. Not that Gabriel was the jolliest of people, but he also didn’t have a frown line so deep you could rest a pencil across his forehead.

Becca slouched back into the chair. “Claudia’s kid got sick. School called her and she had to leave.”

“What time was that?”

Becca rubbed her eyes. “Just after midday.”

“And you’ve been here all day? You okay? I know he can be difficult.” Gabriel crossed the room to see her better and rested his shoulder against the wall.

She shrugged. “He’s been fine. He’s only difficult with Claudia. He’s alright with you, right?”

Gabriel smiled. “He’s a saint.”

She got to her feet. She was wearing a blouse, and smart trousers. She must have had to leave work to come here. “Good. Because I have a feeling he’ll be up tonight. He’s been napping a lot today. Before I got here, Claudia tried to wake him up and he called her a fat cow.”

Gabriel chewed his bottom lip to refrain from laughing. Becca noticed and also tried to hold back a smile. She looked down at the plastic bag in his grasp. He’d almost forgotten about it.

“Scones.” He stuck out his hand, then clenched his jaw at how stupid he sounded. I’d been doing so well. Her big green eyes shone at him expectantly and she politely took the bag. “They’re Lillian’s. I mean, Lillian made them. For Julian. Or you. If you want them.”

“Awh, that’s so lovely of her.” She headed into the kitchen and Gabriel followed. “I know my grandad shouldn’t eat anything at night but if he does wake, I’m sure he’ll love to have a natter with you over a plate of these.”

“That would be lovely.” And worth the throwing up that will undoubtably follow on my end.

She smiled that tight smile again. They were heading back into niceties territory.

“Well,” she let out another exhausted sigh and ran her hand through her hair before looking at her watch. “Eight o’clock. Right. I’d better go and leave you to it.”

“And you go and get an early night.” Shit. Did that make it seem like I think she looks tired? I mean, she does look tired. But not in a bad way. No. She just has a lot on her plate.

But if Becca took offence, she didn’t show it. Instead, she sighed wistfully. “A bath and bed does sound very appealing.”

And now Gabriel was thinking about her in the bath. His eyes widened and he looked out the window. She stroked his arm as she brushed past him and headed down the hallway. “I’ll see you in the morning. Hope he’s not too much trouble.”

Gabriel opened his mouth several times before spluttering about a garbled, “Yeah, see you then.”

After making sure Becca had definitely left the bungalow, Gabriel sighed and stared at his reflection in the kitchen window.

“You’re pathetic,” he chastised himself. But then he looked down to his left sleeve where she had casually caressed him. Ever since the two of them had stopped dating, they had both, very obviously, tried their best not to touch each other. Which made things very awkward when they both helped Julian move about the house. But that touch had been so deliberate. And was putting the image of her naked body all lathered up in bubbles also deliberate? What kind of game was she playing?

Was this all because of the scones?

Why did Gabriel suddenly feel like a pizza man in a porno?

He shook his head, laughing to himself. You’re in your own head far too much, buddy.


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935 Reviews


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Wed Sep 09, 2020 8:40 am
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Shady wrote a review...



Heya MissGangamash,

Shady back with another review, as promised! Let's get started...

Ezra held his phone to his ear, feeling more and more panicked the longer the ringing continued. When it went to voice-mail, he sent a text instead.


I would really like to see some more description here. Since it's fresh for me reading chapter one I realize that this is a direct continuation from the last scene -- but the setting of each chapter should be more or less independent of the other chapters. Having just a sentence or two to reiterate what his surroundings are like will help orient your reader more quickly so that we can jump into this scene right away.

He usually vampire-sprinted


Not loving this statement. What is a vampire-sprint? Would like a bit more explanation here, and also a bit more of a unique name for it xD

“You sure, hun?”

Ezra watched him. “Yeah, you sure, hun?”


haha I really like Ezra. I think you've done a really good job, even in just these two chapters, of showing his playful, snarky personality, and he's really endearing. I like him a lot already and I think you did a great job with the characterization.

Ezra was always the first to call him out on playing fast and loose with sunrise – and in turn, a brutal death.


This feels a bit too flippant? to really be impactful. I think rather than a dash, you could end it after sunrise, and then give a sentence or two afterwards about why it is that Ezra is so careful about sunrise.

She was wearing a blouse, and smart trousers.


What are smart trousers?

Gabriel sighed and stared at his reflection in the kitchen window.


I thought vampires couldn't see their own reflection?

~ ~ ~

This is another good chapter! I stand by what I said in the first chapter, though, about Gabriel and Ezra needing more distinct personalities. I'm really struggling to keep them both straight so far, because their personalities are too similar and are bleeding together in my mind as I read.

I am hoping we get a hint more of plot soon, too! I think this a really good start, but it's starting to feel a little slow, because so far I don't know much about the backstory of the vampires and also don't really have much of a sense about where this novel is heading.

Hope this helps!

Keep writing and Happy RevMo!

~Shady 8)

Please enjoy this banner by the wonderful @HarryHardy, submitted to the Banner Contest!

Image






This is a prequel to a vampire novel I've already written so all the vampire terminology is fixed. Vampire-sprinted literally means sprinting like a vampire. It is later said that vampires can move really fast - in case readers didn't understand that from the terminology. I give my readers the benefit of the doubt that they can work things out for themselves by adding 2 and 2 together without me having to over explain things.

I'm glad you liked Ezra's sassiness haha. And the reason that statement comes across as flippant is because Ezra is just kinda done with Gabriel being irresponsible and I bring the character's voice through the narrative, even if it's third person.

Smart trousers are like suit trousers :)

My vampires can see their own reflections and can also be caught on camera.

I usually use the first 2-3 chapters to ground the reader and get them used to my characters before throwing plot at them, but yes, the plot is coming.

Again, I completely understand what you mean about Gabriel and Ezra needing more fleshing out. Definitely from chapter 4 you can see a real contrast between them.

Hope you keep enjoying the read! Thanks for the review!



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Fri Aug 07, 2020 11:02 pm
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starlitmind wrote a review...



Hey there! I haven't read the previous chapter, but I decided to help get this out of the green room!
This is really well written! You have a nice amount of detailed descriptions and a good amount of dialogue that flowed really well. The chapter is very captivating and interesting, and I didn't get bored once! Your grammar is also great! I'm just going to mention some thoughts and nitpicky things below :D

To start, I love your opening! The descriptions feel very naturally, and your dialogue seems very natural and flows smoothly.

Ezra felt like he was on autopilot for the rest of his shift, he barely remembered serving anyone.


This is a run-on sentence. I'd fix this by replacing the comma with a semicolon

The aqua coloured Mini Cooper had been Lillian’s car when she had been human and married to her boring accountant husband, Derek.


"had been human" sounds a bit awkward to me. How about "when she was human"?

“You not watched the News?”


This isn't grammatically correct, but maybe that's how the character speaks? I wanted to point it out just in case it was an error.

There are a lot of places where you mention a time, but I don't think they're written correctly (for prose, at least). I found this article, and hopefully this can help! https://wmich.edu/writing/rules/times But I also think mentioning so many times doesn't sound that professional. How about describing the sky/sun/moon/temperature outside (like getting cooler) to allude at what time of day it is?

“Because he’s human,Lillian. It’s weird,”


Super tiny thing, you're missing a space between "human," and "Lillian."

Lillian had the wonderful ability to look like a stern mother one moment, and a giddy teenager the next.


The comma isn't really needed here.

He thought for a moment then shook his head and cut his gaze to her.“Shut up.”


Another super tiny thing, you're missing a space between "her," and the quote.

She was wearing a blouse, and smart trousers.


The comma isn't needed here.

And that's it! This story is well written, and I'm curious to find out what happens next! I hope this helped :D






Glad you enjoyed the read and thanks for pointing out the mistakes :D



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Mon Jul 20, 2020 8:15 pm
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StrawberryRock wrote a review...



I really like your writing style, the sentences flow really well and it keeps the plot interesting. However, I did find a couple of little mistakes.

I think you added an extra S after the 'it' in “Dude, it’s suddenly got super rammed."

and in "found a bunch of vamps drinking for humans down in the basement." 'for' should probably be 'from'.

Overall the story is very interesting and the relationships between the characters are very well written. I'm excited to see what happens next.






Ah, sorry for not replying to this, I thought I had! Thanks for the review and pointing out the errors :D




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— J.K. Rowling