z

Young Writers Society


12+

The Rage (Chapter 19)

by MissGangamash


The park was desolate. The absence of people only amplified the sound of the wind rustling the leaves and the tinny clang of abandoned cans rolling across the concrete pathways.

Gabriel relaxed back against the wooden bench and gazed up at the full moon. Now that it was the beginning of October, the nights were getting longer. It had only just past 7pm and the sky was a beautiful inky black.

In the corner of his eye, Gabriel saw Becca rub her gloved hands together before wedging them between her thighs. White clouds left her mouth as she let out shuddering breaths.

“You’re cold,” stated Gabriel, and unwound his scarf. She smiled as he wrapped it around her neck.

“Are you sure?”

“I don’t need it. It was more of a fashion choice. But it looks better on you, anyway.”

She snuggled against his side and he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her even closer.

“Are you sure we’re okay?” she asked, her voice muffled by the scarf.

“It’s been a month. We’ve had no other attacks on our house. Sure, me and Ezra have had some funny looks on the streets but people just seem to keep their distance now.” He squeezed her quilted arm reassuringly. “And now we’re on a nice, stable diet of animal blood, they’ve got nothing to fear.”

That wasn’t quite true. But he had kept all the grizzly stuff from Becca. She didn’t know about Ezra’s vampire friend going missing – most likely dead. She also didn’t know about the growing number of cases of human on vampire hate crimes in the more densely populated areas of the UK. Gabriel had not joined Ezra again on his meetings with Silas, but Ezra would come back with grimmer reports every week. It was not helping his mood swings but at least now he felt able to come to Gabriel when stuff was playing on his mind; even if it was just to vent.

“I’m so glad Maeve is staying with her mum for a few nights so I can actually breathe. I do feel bad for her, though. All this stuff is really getting to her. Does Ezra know you’re seeing me again?”

Gabriel’s eyes shifted to his lap. Guilt lay heavy in the pit of his stomach. No, he hadn’t told Ezra about this little meet-up. But he had been cooped up in the house for over a month. Surely, he was entitled to a reward? And what he doesn’t know can’t hurt him.

The last time he left the house was to get his monthly supply of blood from the butchers. The exchange wasn’t the most pleasant of interactions. The butcher had refused to make eye contact and spoke only in angry mutterings and grumbles. It seemed to be a human condition, that when they were alone, they were mostly harmless. But get those same people in a group? They seemed to coalesce and become bodies sharing one fearless, mindless, immovable mass.

Gabriel kissed Becca on the forehead but said nothing. She closed her eyes and rested her head against his shoulder. Her hair blew across his face and he smiled at the way it tickled his nose. Underneath the smell of her vanilla shampoo was something else. It took Gabriel a second to place the familiar metallic scent but then there was no doubt about it. It was blood. Becca’s blood. Now locked onto the scent, his hearing attuned to the sound of her slow, steady pulse.

This was different. Sure, Gabriel often unwittingly sensed the melodic thumps of the beating hearts about him, but to smell it? He was pretty sure Becca had no open wounds, so why was the smell of her blood invading his senses?

He shuffled on the hard bench; brows drawn in confusion. She seemed to take his movements as a way to get her attention. She lifted her head and pressed her lips to his. It was a soft, innocent kiss but it had Gabriel fighting off the urge to unsheathe his fangs. He cupped her jaw and deepened the kiss. She mewled in delighted surprise and grabbed his jacket at his chest to pull him closer.

There, alone on the park bench in the moonlight, they were like two teenagers in love that had sneaked out of their houses to be with each other because they just simply couldn’t bear to be apart any longer.

Becca’s heartbeat quickened. Gabriel could feel her pulse against his fingers as his hand cupped the back of her neck. The kiss became even more frivolous. She gasped and writhed against him. His skull screamed at the intense pressure of his fangs against his gums.

The whistling of the wind was gone. The scuttling of night time wildlife had disappeared. The clinking and clanking of litter ceased to exist. All Gabriel could hear was blood pumping through veins. It enveloped him like a warm, intoxicating embrace. He wanted to touch it; to taste it; to bathe in it.

Gabriel jerked back, breaking the kiss. He suddenly felt light -headed, like his brain was starved of oxygen.

“What’s up?” Becca asked but her voice sounded far away.

Gabriel blinked hard and focused on her. “Nothing.” He cleared his throat. “I just thought I saw something.”

Becca pulled away from him, her hand clasping her coat and scarf closed around her throat. “Really, what?”

The noises around him came rushing back, like he’d peeled away the film they had been stuck behind. Becca’s pulse still sounded like a war drum but he was thankful she was no longer wrapped around him.

“It’s fine,” he finally said, more to himself than her. But just at that moment, something did catch his eye. Down by the pond not too far from them, there was a dark figure behind a cluster of trees. It lurked from trunk to trunk in a way that didn’t quite seem right. It disappeared behind a tree and Gabriel waited to see it reappear on the other side. But it didn’t, and he was sure he felt an odd shift in the breeze. The type of subtle change he was all too familiar with.

.

.

_____________________

.

.

More articles were cropping up about vampire bars and clubs being searched and closed down. Ezra was sitting at the dining table, phone on his lap as he skim-read his way through different online newspapers. There was no mention of Black Velvet, but he knew it was only a matter of time.

The back door opened and Lillian entered the kitchen, head bent down so her hair covered her face. Ezra arched an eyebrow at the curious thing she held loosely by her side.

“What’s that?” he asked.

She huffed a sad sort of laugh and looked up at him. Her face looked so drawn-out and defeated. She lifted the thing and presented it on her open palm. It was a bone, like from a t bone steak. There were even still pits of meat left on it.

“Where did that come from?”

She gestured to the garden. “It just bounced off my head.”

Ezra dropped his phone onto the table. “What?”

“There’s loads of them in the flower bed. Bits of bone. Rubbish. Styrofoam.”

Ezra looked past her through the doorway, as if he could see his neighbours over their high fence. “They threw that at you?”

She nodded. “Asked if I needed it for a devil summoning.” She made that sad laugh again. “We’re vampires, not witches. I think they’re confused.”

“Did you say anything back?”

She tossed the bone into the bin with a loud thud, then leaned against the kitchen counter. “I shouldn’t have to.”

“I’m sorry they’re being like this. Out of everyone, I thought our neighbours would at least just be civil,” Ezra sighed. “Just for the amount of banana bread you’ve baked them alone.”

Lillian crossed her arms over her chest, knuckles wrapped inside her flannel sleeves. Then Ezra saw her eyebrows lift and her eyes brighten. A silent plea that would shortly be followed by a not-so-silent one. He braced himself.

“Are you sorry enough to change your mind?” she asked, her voice soft like a lost child.

“You were just attacked putting the recycling away in your own back garden. If that’s not proof enough that we need to lay low, I don’t know what is.”

Her nostrils flared but he could see her fighting to stay calm.

“But don’t you think us hiding away is only going to make us look guilty? Like we have a reason to hide.”

“We do have a reason. Them. Gabriel was right. Nothing we do will be make them fear us and hate us any less.”

“Then we should just live our lives.” Lillian pushed herself off the counter and stood tall in the centre of the room. “I’m not ashamed of who I am and I’m sick of letting those narrow-minded dicks think that I am.” Her eyes shone at him. “Just let me see him.”

“I’m sorry.”

Her jaw jutted out and she looked away, the way Ezra did when he was irritated. Spend enough time around the same person, you start to pick up their mannerisms.

“Stop saying that when you’re not. If you were, you’d do something.”

Ezra lent back in his chair, sizing her up. “You think I’m not doing anything? What, you think this is nothing to me? I am trying to protect you. The both of you.”

“Oh yeah?” Her eyes found his. They were wide and alight with anger now. “And where is Gabriel, by the way?”

When Ezra pressed his lips into a thin line, she smirked wickedly.

“Exactly.” She let out an angry huff and stormed out of the room. “You can’t keep us to yourself forever.”

Ezra closed his eyes took a deep, calming breath. Oh, but I wish I could.

Dalia’s death, along with the carnage of the Moonlight raid had Ezra’s nerves stretched so thin he feared they’d snap and he’d unravel like an old cardigan. If having Lillian hate him was the price to keep her safe, he was willing to pay it. At least, that’s what he told himself.

When he heard Gabriel come home, he didn’t have the energy to ask where he had been. He couldn’t face being lied to right now. Instead, he just listened to him head upstairs and shut himself in his room.

Ever since Ezra had told Gabriel what was on his mind and his anger continued to boil just below the surface, he tended to stay out of Ezra’s way. They used to be like two young bucks, butting heads and locking antlers at a moment’s notice. Now, whenever a conversation began to get heated, Gabriel caved instantly. And there was this look in his eyes that read I see you; I know you and I’m here for you. The pity wasn’t exactly welcomed, but it was better than Lillian thinking that he was being difficult for the fun of it. 


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Sun Dec 27, 2020 2:53 am
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Overwatchful wrote a review...



Hey, I'm here.

Seeing as you already have 3 reviews, I'll just leave a few comments.

Well I'm glad it's been a relatively quiet month, but I hope this gets fixed soon!

Can I just ask how they are getting by without any source of income? I don't remember if maybe you already addressed this, but none of them have a job right now, right? And like you said, it's been a month so...

Anyway great job, and I'm headed over to the next chapters!

Hope this helped!
Stormblessed242






Hey!

I totally forgot that I didn't mention anything about that. When it comes to vampires, I feel like that wouldn't really have much money issues because, for these guys, between Ezra and Gabriel, they have several centuries of interest in their bank accounts. They just life of saving they have accumulated over the years. They mainly work to keep up appearances, not for the actual need for a steady income. I'll make a note to mention that in my rewrite!



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Wed Dec 23, 2020 3:45 pm
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starlitmind wrote a review...



Hey you, I'm back for the next chapter! ^_^

The absence of people only amplified the sound of the wind rustling the leaves and the tinny clang of abandoned cans rolling across the concrete pathways.


I love your opening; I can already imagine the scene, and the sound language is really effective

“And now we’re on a nice, stable diet of animal blood, they’ve got nothing to fear.”

That wasn’t quite true.


Eep, things are getting worse rip, but Gabriel is so sweet to Becca

Gabriel’s eyes shifted to his lap. Guilt lay heavy in the pit of his stomach. No, he hadn’t told Ezra about this little meet-up. But he had been cooped up in the house for over a month. Surely, he was entitled to a reward? And what he doesn’t know can’t hurt him.


Oh gosh, I know this isn't going to go well xD Ezra is probably going to find out, and then Gabriel will get in trouble, and Lillian might be jealous that she can't hang out with Ben. I hope Gabriel tells him soon

Down by the pond not too far from them, there was a dark figure behind a cluster of trees. It lurked from trunk to trunk in a way that didn’t quite seem right.


Oh gosh xD this meeting was probably not a good idea oof

Ezra looked past her through the doorway, as if he could see his neighbours over their high fence. “They threw that at you?”

She nodded. “Asked if I needed it for a devil summoning.” She made that sad laugh again. “We’re vampires, not witches. I think they’re confused.”


Poor Lillian </3 She seems so numb and done with it all. I love how you've written her here; the way you made her sound so innocent by "I think they're confused" evokes even more sadness and pity

“Just let me see him.”

“I’m sorry.”


If Lillian finds that Gabriel has been meeting Becca, she'd probably be pretty upset :O

“Oh yeah?” Her eyes found his. They were wide and alight with anger now. “And where is Gabriel, by the way?”


OH SHOOT DOES SHE ALREADY KNOW OOPS

And there was this look in his eyes that read I see you; I know you and I’m here for you. The pity wasn’t exactly welcomed, but it was better than Lillian thinking that he was being difficult for the fun of it.


Ezra really seems to be dealing with a lot. He's taking the responsibility of protecting them all, so I think that's putting a lot of strain on him. He's also lost Dalia, and his bar is probably going to be closed down soon. They're all dealing with a lot, and I think Ezra is taking a lot on right now.

You've written this chapter so well, as always. I think I say this every review haha, but I absolutely love how well you portray the characters' emotions. I find myself immersed in your characters, and when they're feeling sad or happy, so am I. I think that, along with your dialogue, is my favourite part of your writing <3 I really enjoyed this chapter, and I'm excited (and nervous) to see what happens next! c:






For some reason I didn't get notified about your reviews so apologies for the late replies!

Lillian is just so done, she doesn't have the energy to be angry or sad anymore. It's like the parental 'I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed' XD

There's definitely a lot of snips and bickering going on between the three of them. I do feel sorry for Ezra, he's just trying to keep them all safe :(



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Fri Dec 18, 2020 9:38 pm
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keystrings wrote a review...



Hello there! Thank you for requesting a review, and I hope this helps.

Judging from the categories, and from the first few lines I read, this closer to an "urban/real-life" fusion of supernatural/fantasy-esque, which is interesting to start. I think that world building is really necessary in this kind of setting, but obviously that is developed over time and not just in a single chapter. I think the bits of Gabriel reflecting does a fair job at giving the reader some insight into the current story/plot line without being too obvious of a retelling.

There are definitely some interesting character points from both Gabriel and Ezra here -- I assume they are both vampires alongside Lillian, but Becca's the sole human that appears in this chapter. Gabriel seems like he's playing a dangerous game here, with going out and meeting a human in the open, even if the park is currently empty - or is it? He's conflicted in a nice mixture of emotions, from wnating to see Becca, and from wanting to keep the truth from her, which how effective is that really going to be in the long run, and then just thinking about human-vampire interactions in general.

I think just a bit of description here in terms of physical appearances could help distinguish between characters, even just a simple adding "brown/blond/blue." For example, there's a mention of Lillian with her hair in front of her face, and adding one word to describe that hair wouldn't interfere with the story or that sentence at all. But that's more to help out readers like me get a feel for these characters even in the middle of a story.

Overall, I think this serves as a nice chapter -- Ezra also gives some nice reflection at the end, and seems like an interesting character as well, along with Lillian who's got some feelings of her own, that's for sure. I really liked this, as well as that I really dig a fusion of realism and fantasy. I hope this was helpful!






Hey! Yeah, this novel is urban fantasy, there just isn't an option for that. There is physical descriptions in other chapters, this just happens to be one without - and you've gotta find the balance of reminding the reader what they look like but without shoving it down their throat.

Glad you liked the chapter! Yes, emotions are running high at the moment!

Thanks the for the review :)



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Fri Dec 18, 2020 11:44 am
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ChrisCalaid wrote a review...



Hola! I'm here for a reviewy review :) I'm mostly going to talk about grammar since English is not my first language and although I have been writing for some time I'm not an expert. But before that, I just wanted to tell you that you are an AMAZING writer and you are really good at continuing the story (I don't have many stories I've finished in my life, so that's a big thing for me even to see people do it). And that I think this story is well written every time I read it!


With all due respect and no offense,

It had only just past 7pm and the sky was a beautiful inky black.


This isn't really important but I noticed you need a space between "7" and "pm".

“It’s been a month. We’ve had no other attacks on our house. Sure, me and Ezra have had some funny looks on the streets but people just seem to keep their distance now.”


I know it's a dialogue and people tend to say things differently than how you write them. However, I think you should change "me" to "I" and switch "Ezra" and "I" since I'd be kind of awkward to say "I and Ezra".

“There’s loads of them in the flower bed. Bits of bone. Rubbish. Styrofoam.”


You are talking about "loads" so "There's" needs to be "There are". "There's" is a short form for "There is", but you are talking about more then one.

. He suddenly felt light -headed, like his brain was starved of oxygen.
[/qoute]

I don't think you need a space between "light" and the hypen...

“We do have a reason. Them. Gabriel was right. Nothing we do will be make them fear us and hate us any less.”


This part is confusing with "be make" there...I suggest you erase "be". It makes sense to me but it made me very confused when I first read it.

“Stop saying that when you’re not. If you were, you’d do something.”
Ezra lent back in his chair, sizing her up.


I don't get what you mean by "lent"... Do you perhaps mean "leant" ?

Instead, he just listened to him head upstairs and shut himself in his room.


I think you meant "his head" by "him head"...

That's all for this review! Phew! That was long and all so grammary, sorry about that :)

Thank you for sharing this!
Keep up the beautiful novel!

~C.C






I feel like I have failed if I haven't finished a novel, thankfully I've had a lot of time of my hands lately... probably the only good thing to come out of all what's going on.

Thanks for the review!




Never use your shield as a dinner plate, for that is when the enemy is most likely to attack.
— The KotGR Commander