*I see these lyrics with a piano accomplishing it. So if you can, imagine a piano playing!
Good Soul
by: MissGamer8
I'm falling fast
I'm not stopping
How long will this last?
Because I'm tiring
I'm letting go
Don't you worry
I'll be going alone
Don't be sorry
(chorus)
I'll be gone for awhile
Just a little while
But I'll come back
I promise you
Cause I'm a good soul
And I'll never leave you
I had helped you along
When you were hurting
I was a shoulder to cry on
When you felt like dying
I had loved you
But now I gotta
Give it all back
To save my honor
(chorus)
I'll be gone for awhile
Just a little while
But I'll come back
I promise you
Cause I'm a good soul
And I'll never leave you
It's fine to cry
When you need it
It's fine to weep
When you can't help it
But I'm begging
Don't cry for me
I'm not worth it
Don't weep for me
Cause I can't take it
(chorus)[x2]
I'll be gone for awhile
Just a little while
But I'll come back
I promise you
Cause I'm a good soul
And I'll never leave you
I'll be gone for awhile
Just a little while
But I'll come back
I promise you
Cause I'm a good soul
And I'll never leave you
I'm a good soul
Forever and ever and ever [x2]
And I'll never leave you
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
The problem with these lyrics is that they don't really say anything. If you read it, it's just really vague and it's like 'oh, the same old thing over and over again', and I lose interest really quickly. In fact, I didn't read the whole thing because I knew it would just be the same words in a different order.
I feel like there is a story that you meant to portray through here, but it's hard to see through vague first person lines. It's like 'I have to leave for a little while', but then 'but I'm a good soul', well, I'm asking 'if you're a good soul, so what?'. What does it mean? If the narrator is a good soul, why does he/she have to leave anyway.
What I would recommend is to try maybe making this third person, telling a story about the people involved and putting their feelings into words to each other and something like that.
Even if you don't change it that much, try to make the lines a bit more specific. Why does this particular narrator have to leave and how does he/she feel about it? Will he/she miss the sight of his/her loved one? Her hair? Her eyes? Her hands?
Make it more personal instead of a vague idea of leaving, okay? ^___^
Let the words carry the song. Right now I feel like this could only be really moving if the piano were excellent and emotive. PM me if you have any questions, okay? Let me know if you post anything else and need a review! :3 Keep writing!
-Hannah-
Oooo, wow! I like it!