Published June 16, 2011
Welcome to my life
I am probably the only person in the history of the entire world that has two best friends that are enemies of each other. I live with both of them. One is named Fang, he’s a werewolf and other is named Dagger, he's a vampire. I have lived with them for seven years in the house my father left me before he died. I had found them both bleeding and lying on the sidewalk one day on my way home. Being a Good Samaritan, I decided to take them in, ever since then they have made their residence with me. While in that time they have constantly fought and argued over who is better and stronger, I'm stuck in the middle as a "Barrier" to keep them from fighting. Oh, by the way, my name is Sophie Thomson.
If you are asking yourself, why don’t you try making them see their differences and make them get along? The answer: Well, the truth is, every day I try to make them see that their differences really don't matter but they don't listen, it just goes in one ear and out the other. They are so stubborn. Sometimes their fighting gets so bad; I worry that one day I may come home and find one or both of them dead. I feel that something bad is going happen. I'm not sure why, but I believe that someday Dagger and Fang will have to forget about their differences and work together to save me from something.... an unknown force...
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,601 Literary Works • 672,050 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well...this definitely makes for an intriguing. Well the first claim is a bit too bold there, cause I know I've got friends exactly like that, but I suppose this case is much more unique and strange where we've got a vampire and a werewolf who are both supposed to traditionally hurt the other being forced to live with the same person that they happen to be friends with. It certainly sounds like a premise that could either lead to some very serious betrayals and horrors, or some really fun friendly shenanigans and I can't decided which of those two make this more interesting. All in all, this is a good start here.
Okay...so this almost makes it sounds like the main character here has some kind of ability to see into the future there judging by the very last line, it certainly makes for something to think about. Also in general the idea of this one person trying to ensure that these two don't accidentally kill each and that constant fear being mentioned makes for a pretty interesting piece here. Overall, this is a pretty decent start to story here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hi,
Good job! It felt like you were speaking directly to me! While I caught a few things, I hardly even recognized them. Almost completely perfect! Good work, and keep writing. Keep on truckin'.
Farewell,
A.
And By the way, I will edit and make some changes. And thanks again.
Thanks. I am always open to suggestions. My biggest dream is to get a book actually published one day, so I figured a site like this maybe about to help me out.
hi
I see you only just joined, so have a massive welcome on the house 
you'll fit right in.
someone should let you know - and wahey! apparently that's me - that on YWS we have a general rule of thumb that for every one item you post yourself, you try to do 2-3 reviews of other people's, so we all feel loved because reviews are like cupcakes: everyone loves to get one xD
So, here's yours
Almost entirely grammatically perfect and interesting - +1 brownie points for you xD
From your perfect use of it in the second half, I know you know when to use a comma, and when to use the semi-colon. So might I suggest that in these two examples the semi-colon might be better? Although maybe not in the first one - I've been thinking about it myself but just something about it wasn't.. perfect. Maybe something like "One is named Fang - he's a werewolf - and the other is named Dagger, and he's a vampire."
And that's it, so I won't be patronising because you know how good your technical skills are xD
My only other comment would be that at first glance this plot idea seemed a little done, what with the explosion in this genre, but by the end I think you've found an original take on it. However, your closing sentence seemed a bit... I don't know... I get that you want to hint at darkness to come, but it seemed a bit obvious to me - I don't think you need to change it necessarily, I'd just rephrase it a bit. Make sure it seems totally original
welcome to YWS ... feel free to leave a link on my profile whenever you next post something
~*cottonrulz*~