REPENTANCE
As the Ephemera wilts and dies alone in solitude
It's petals falling slowly swiftly softly to the ground
so do I feel the isolation of long lost love, full of sorrowful remorse leaving me destitute
You sit in lonely slumber and do not move nor utter a sound
Though I make amends now for what I have done still I feel such a neglect to relent
For such a sin to which seems one cannot repent
It is this that causes me such disdain and distress
In a confrontation of Heated debate
I stand before you now ready to confess
I truly never meant to utter those words of scorn and Hate
as A wise man once said "The worst solitude is to be destitute of sincere friendship"
So this I vow to you now never again shall I let my tongue slip
Secretly I ask myself this inwardly as a new day comes Now the sun has arisen
Please my love say all is forgiven?
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Thank You Both!
Adrian My message was not meant to be muddling it was A message simply to ask a Loved
One for forgiveness for A sin he/she Committed!
Also I never used emphasis on it Being Man nor woman so as not to be sexist
it can be either
I left that Part to be Interpreted by the reader
And as For rhyming can YOU honestly find a Word that goes with Solitude?
and makes sense in the following Line "So do I feel the isolation of long lost love, full of sorrowful remorse leaving me ......"
Destitute as I am sure you know it's meaning to be IS either Needy or Deprived
of something or in this case Someone
And "still I feel such a neglect to relent" we feel too ashamed to give in to our conscious
Disdain is to feel "Unworthy" Which i think fits quite nicely within the phrase "disdain and distress"
and here i used Scorn and hate simply to mean Mock or Scoff
We all do this to others at some point in our lives
But As the Rules Clearly state A poet is NOT a poet If he Is to EXPLAIN his POEM right?
So I will Try in the next Poem Or Submission i Submit To explain the meaning fullly without having to go out of context!
Thanks Again for your Advice and Constructive Critique
This poem was in a word, interesting. However, the message is quite muddled, at least for me.
-ADD grammar (as with "Mother")
-I might suggest rhyming in this poem, if you can. It worked well in the last line.
Adrian
Ooooh! Yes I like it! The last line is very good it really cuts your poem cleanly off leaving your audience wonderfully on the edge of your seat, like a good a symphony. You had a few capitalization errors I believe, I'd fix that. But all in all this is a work of art! Genius!