A lost dream;
A faded memory.
Forgotten thoughts;
Unspoken words.
All things not said,
And all things not done.
Wish upon a star;
For all that you need,
And all that you wan.
Remember a dream that may come true.
For all the thoughts we’ve once conclude.
For all the fantasies we once could never share.
Let it all out.
I’ll whisper in your ear;
All my thoughts and dreams.
Just let me believe you’ll keep them in your heart,
Like your own,
And I’ll do the same for you.
My dreams, your thoughts.
My heart, and yours too.
Become one as we share,
And as we bond.
Your thoughts, my dreams.
Your heart, and mine too.
This love is new.
Believe and dream
If all that can come true.
I’ll listen to you, if you’ll listen to me.
So I’ll whisper in your ear
All my thoughts and dreams.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello Misc, dear, lovely to see you in the forums. ^^
Now, with your peice you seem to be lacking some punctuation. While I am not usually up on all that technical stuff, with this piece I find it hard to keep the thread, the flow, of the poem without any indication of where you're going.
What will also help with that is adding in some breaks to make some sepreate stanzas. I notice your focus moves within the poem, becoming more particular, ,ore specific as you go on. What will help is breaking the poem where the specifics begin. It can help make some elements pop out some more, and give them extra symbolism.
I like the poem itself, and think you have some nice imagery going, I'm a fan of unconnected statements, and I like your methods. I'm not sure how well the idea of the flow of consciousness goes here. I think you work it well, but it seems disconnected near the start.
All in all I like this, there are just some small issues I think you need to look at to make it great.
*Hearts* Le Penguin.