Young Writers Society

Ah. Ok. Well, lonely i find is more of a state of mind than an actual truth. You can be in a room filled with people and still be lonely. I think giving you more facts about the poem would overload it, that was one of my problems with writing it, saying that, it was one of those bursts of creativity where you grab your pen and write until your hand falls off. I know it can be improved on, definitely. I like the fact that you're questioning it, it doesn't insult me, but show that I've gained a response (the issue of an artistic family) the fact that you care enough to question it is better than you just nodding your head and sliding your mouse towards the exit button. I'm not sure how to improve on the informative side because, to be honest, this is a true story, and may be less interesting once you've added information. It's based on an experience I've had, spending hours and hours sitting in the school medical room when got ill, every day I'd go into school, and everyday I would end up in the medical room. Ok they really should have chosen the wall colour better, it really was grey! Thank you so much for the review, and please, if you have any ideas, pm me

Miriam

I think it is a very interesting poem.
But there are a few questions I don't understand

1. Where is this room?
2. Are you scared of this room?
3. Do you ever see anyone?
4. How did you get here?
5. Do you want to get out?

What your saying is good, but the reader really is missing out on a lot, there is more that could be said, you could really expand on this poem and make it really good.

also a few questions on your poem

1. why will it give you friends if it is a lonely room?
2. why will it give you anything if you are lonely?
3. How can you get fame out of it if it's lonely?

But overall good, could be expanded, but I adore your last line

I hope you saw what I saw from a readers point of view I didn't mean to be mean just to help

Great poem there.Your poem gives a different meaning of grey.

I liked all the possibilities you explored about the room without making the words "grey room" monotonous.

Great portrayal of the narrators seemingly unending wait.

Keep it up!

Thank you so much for the review, I didn't notice the punctuation, thanks for pointing it out. I've righted a bit of it.

This is a very nice poem. I like the vivid imagery and emotion you portray.

I wait in there every hour, every minute, every day.

Wait with me every hour, every minute, every day.

I spend every hour, every minute, every day.

Is the Grey room where I spend my final hours, final minutes, final days.

I think, what if there's reason?
Fate from my illness?
I think what if the Grey room will bring me friends?
Someone to wait through the tiredness and vain.
Through the sadness and pain.
Wait with me every hour, every minute, every day.

I think, what if the Grey room gives me time.
For writing and reading,
For working and rehearsing.
What if the Grey room will make me famous one day?
So I jot in my notebook and read all I can.
I spend every hour, every minute, every day.