Young Writers Society

Aw, thanks, Meadow! You're too kind. ^-^ I try to keep happy moods in my pieces, though sometimes I'll have to.

Because, as everyone knows, smiling makes the world go round.

Heya Saph!

This was a nice piece. Really it was. Not much I can say as everyone else beat me too it. It's a new thing for me to read ^_^ I really like how she tried to make her family smile:

Because, as everyone knows, smiling makes the world go round.

Thanks all! ^-^
I see my mistakes... And I can't believe I went back into past tense. This is my first time trying present tense, so it's a bit awkward for me at the moment. I will try my best though!
I'll make sure to see what I can do this and make it better.
Thanks again everyone!

Saph

Me again. Yay, you must be excited. I just wanted to say that I like this version better. Good Work! Keep writing!

Hi and welcome, Saphire_earthguardian! Good for you, trying a new type of fiction. I myself can't stand fantasy fiction, so I'm glad this isn't it.

Nit-picks

I feel perfectly fine as I open my eyes to the white ceiling.

A silence fills the air, though, something I’m not usually accustomed to.

It’s the signal that something is definitely NOT right.

They come up to me, patting me on the back and trying to tell me it’s okay… at least that’s what I think they were trying to say.

I close my eyes, wishing to be anywhere but here. Because I know the radio’s on. I know the beautiful hum of the convertible is moving through the air. I know my brother desperately wants to start singing to the song on in the car, but can’t because the dreary mood is blanketing us all.

Because, as everyone knows, smiling makes the world go round.

Thanks! I'll make sure to get right onto that and I'll definitely PM you if I add more. I really appreciate the help.

Aah! I can't believe I went into past tense after I was doing present. I'm so, soo sorry! Okay, now, onwards! ^-^

Hey! First real post, that's exciting. So does this mean I'm the first real person to review your first real post? Well, I'm honored. Okay, enough with that. My fixes are in bold, my comments are in italics.

I feel perfectly fine as I open my eyes to the white ceiling. A silence [s]feels[/s] fills the air, though, something I’m not usually accustomed to. It’s the signal that something is definitely NOT right.

I struggle to sit up, but a pain sears through me. As my back hits whatever I’m laying on, I notice that I’m not in the comfy abode of my home. In fact, I’m not anywhere comfy. I turn[s]ed[/s]I thought you were writing in present tense? If not change everything else to past tense my head to the side to see hospital machines and tubes connected to my body. Fear rising in me, I open[s]ed[/s] my mouth to call out to someone, to anyone. I can’t be alone.

It takes me a second to realize that even though I feel myself making noise, it never seems to reach my ears. I pause, momentarily shocked at what I just found out. The joy of sound, though sometimes an agony, has been snatched from my grasp.

I’m in tears when two nurses come in, worry written all over their faces. They come up to me, patting me on the back and trying to tell me it’s okay… at least that’s what I think they were trying to say. Now that I’m deaf, I obviously can’t take any comfort in their words! Getting more upset [s]in[/s] about this, my sobbing increases and I hide my face in my hands.

~~~

My parents walk me out of the hospital, my father making sure to keep a hand on my shoulder and steer me in the right direction. My little brother walks behind us, and the unusual silence that I know he has is uncomforting. He’s usually hyped up and crazy, but today he’s calm as he has never been before. This is a confusing sentence. Maybe you could word it differently? This pains me. [s]too,[/s] Knowing that I ruined the lives of my family.

The reason of my impairment is still unknown to me, though I believed they tried talking about it when we were all in the hospital room. I look at my mother and her eyes are still puffy from crying. I realize she’s only worried. I don't want her to cry though. It’s not something I like. Usually for me, happiness is all that I can stand.

But today’s different.

As we get into the car, I stare at the back of the driver’s seat. Everybody else climbs in after they’ve seen that I’m strapped in and I feel the car start up. My father backs out of the driving space and we pull off.

I close my eyes, wishing to be anywhere but here. Because I know the radio’s on. I know the beautiful hum of the convertible is moving through the air. I know my brother desperately wants to start singing to the song on in the car, but can’t because the dreary mood is blanketing us all.

So I open my eyes and look over at him, smiling. Pointing at the radio, I say, “Sing for me, please?” hoping it comes out as I imagine it.

He flashes me a sad smile and shakes his head, turning to look out the window. I frown and poke him in the arm. By now my mother is staring at me, confused as to what I am doing.

Dan Who's Dan? looks back over at me, confusion also written on his face. I smile again and start dancing, knowing I look like a fool.

“Don’t get mad, get Glad,” I say, laughing as I think it.

I see him chuckle and I lean back into my seat, happy I made at least one person laugh. I look into the front seat to see my mother smiling, not as worried as she had been. And though I can’t see my father, I know he’s better too.

I turn away and look out the window, letting a small frown fix itself upon my face. Because even though I’ve made my family smile, I can’t help but feel sad about my future. As a lover of music, I know that my dream of eventually becoming a big singer is now dead. I know that my friends won’t be as fun, since I usually just listened to them all talk anyways. Nothing will ever be the same and that’s what is hard for me to take in.

We pull into the driveway of our home and I get out of the car before anyone can help me. They’ll have to realize I’m just deaf, not horribly broken. I walk up to the door and turn around to watch my family walk up. The setting sun lights up the world just right, making me forget for a moment all that has happened to me and I realize that it’s all just a guise: Sound, sight, and all those other senses. I can live without hearing… as long as I can keep on smiling. Because, as everyone knows, smiling makes the world go round.