Young Writers Society

i absolutely loved this poem! good job with the rhyming.

i actually wish there was more versus because it was like you were telling a little story.

The first two lines are hands down my favourite, automatically it's like "wow where are they going with this!!" such a good opening line that can lead down so many avenues.

i really enjoyed the shortness and almost assertive like sternness to the lines such as "when the register dings, or your phone bings" straight to it and i love it.

Also good use of the word valiant!

Would love to hear / see the next verse of this poem if you ever write one!

Keep up the good work!

This is such a positive poem. Anyone who reads this will feel cheered up. The only suggestions I have are replacing "big" with another word, and perhaps edit the syllable lengths of line 5-8. Also, perhaps it would be better to insert "and" btw. "greed" and "be".

Of course, this is simply my own opinion. If you had specific reasons for formatting this poem the way you did, then by all means ignore my two cents.

Personally, I felt better about my bad day after reading this poem. Thank you very much.

Hello! I'm here to write a review for your lovely poem!

I saw that this has been sitting in the Green Room with only one review, so I decided to check it out. And, I like it a lot! I loved how you moved the poem along continuously, and I can tell that you put a lot of thought into this piece. I'm not much of a criticism reviewer, so sorry! But the thing is, I just loved the piece, and there's nothing that I would say you need to work on!

As I said above, I'm not really one for really giving out a lot of criticism, so sorry if you were looking for that! I'd just like to say once again that this was good, and I hope to read more of your works!! I know that they'll be just as good as this one was. When I read this, I could tell that you can go far, just don't give up on your dreams! Honestly, I don't really have anything other negative things to write, because this piece is done well. Keep up the great work, and don't ever stop believing in yourself!! And, Em out!

This is a lovely poem!
your use of rhyme and imagery really help the poem flow, and I truly enjoy your theme of not being consumed by man's desires or things that don't truly matter at the end, being money and technology. Living life is truly what matters most, and you did this in a way not to scold, but to tell them to look around and enjoy it while they still can.
I don't have much criticism for this piece, it is well put together.
I hope you continue writing and enjoy doing so.
Have a good Wednesday!