Goyle’s parents say he can’t come? Oh, well that’s alright. He shouldn’t come anyway, I can survive alone. I’ve made tons of friends here and I don’t need Crabbe and Goyle anymore! I’ve made some pretty fantastic friends here- Earthlings and Martians alike!
Who am I kidding? This place is hell. As red as, too! I just can’t stand it anymore! I’ve only been here for four months and I’ve already had it with this school and dusty planet!
Slinkingsphinx?! Slinking-shitty-sphinx is a joke. No, I’m sirius black, it is one hell of a joke! Turns out that that pitiful house is like a clone of Gryffindor. I think someone should have filled me in on the houses, at least briefly before I got all eager about it and walked proudly towards that stupid Sink.
I can swear on my beloved Zefron poster that someone must’ve funneled a strong and heavy concentration of butter-beer down that Sink of Selection. I mean, does it know who Draco Malfoy is? Who doesn’t know Draco Malfoy? What kind of pathetic joke is that?
That’s not even the worst part. The worst part is that I’m missing the whole of season four of Wizards of Waverly Place for this! It is definitely NOT worth it! Bloody hell!
So enough about me. How are the two of you doing, Mum and Dad? I hope the Dark Lord is not bothering you too much. You need to rest Mum and I don't want anything bad happening to you.
Ahem. You see Draco?? This is what got you in that Gryffindor-ish house. You're losing you touch!
No matter how much I hate Pigfarts, it cannot be compared to the hatred I have for Hogwarts! Never will there be a school I hate more that that dump. So no, I absolutely positively do not miss Hogwarts.
Buuut if you could have Goyle fill me in on a few things happening, I will - to say the least - be more or less… impressed. Not pleased, just impressed.
(Note to self: remember Goyle’s first name). If he could also tell me a little about Granger I’d be quite grateful. Only a little.
I don’t care about that awesomely beautiful mud-blood anyway. Who cares about that pitiful race, eh? Mud-bloods… stupid assassins of wizardry. That brilliant and intelligent and gorgeous dim-witted and brainless mud-blood who conquers my dreams. Tell Goyle to tell that freak that she should stop her STUPID nonsense and get OUT of my head. She has got to stop with the mind spells. It’s bad for the health. Siriusly, it’s riddikulus.
Well, I have nothing else to add. I’ve answered your questions from your last letter. Like I said, I’m sorry about the howler- Martians are awfully upside-down and demented. This year you bet I’m gonna get out of here! You have got to start looking for another school right now!
Love you more than Aunt Bella loves the Dark Lord!
Draco.
P.S: I know I’ve completely deviated from the questions you asked me, but I had to get a few things off my chest. And…WHAAAAT?! Dad’s in Azkaban? How did that happen?
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140,099 Literary Works • 672,999 Reviews
I loved this and now really want to watch avpm again and avps and starship . . .
I must agree with the previous comments in saying Voldemort was only Draco's slave for a whole day.
I loved the whole Granger section,
If he could also tell me a little about Granger I’d be quite grateful. Only a little.
'I don’t care about that awesomely beautiful mud-blood anyway. Who cares about that pitiful race, eh? Mud-bloods… stupid assassins of wizardry. That brilliant and intelligent and gorgeous dim-witted and brainless mud-blood who conquers my dreams. Tell Goyle to tell that freak that she should stop her STUPID nonsense and get OUT of my head. She has got to stop with the mind spells. It’s bad for the health. Sirusly, it’s riddikulus.'
This had me and my Mam creased for five minutes
Ovverall I loved it
- apple96
P.S Does anyone else want a threequel to come out? They said they would, if Darrens schedule wasn't so busy!
Okay, I must admit, I chuckled several times. Buuut. That would be about that.
First of all, I think you should proof-read it again, 'cause you have some minor spelling mistakes, like:
I think you meant 'Siriusly'. And just of plain curiosity--riddikulus is a spell I don't remember, right?
No. Just no. I so do not approve of putting emoticons and this kind of whatever-you-wanna-call-it in literary works. Especially that the howler wouldn't record Draco shuddering. I guess.
I think you miss some logic here. I'm pretty sure Draco made Voldemort be his servant for "a whole day starting now". And you write that he had spent four months in Pigfarts, so obviously, the Dark Lord isn't his servant anymore. Just sayin'
Note to self killed me though. As did the Sink of Selection. But next time, try to follow the canon
I want you to know, I love you for this. It is totally awesome.
Haha, sorry Draco, you can't save peoples lives and think you're still going to be Slytherin.
Just a small fact... didn't Draco say for a day? I was almost positive that Voldemort was supposed to be his slave for a day...and they all think he's dead while he's really living out a happy live with Quirrell in Azkaban. How does this work?
But he's really good now.
Love. Best sentence in all of history.
According to AVPS, Dobby is Draco's dad. I take it this happens after year two, which is the original, but it's the future Draco, right? The one who went back with Lucius? Draco would know Lucius is in Azkaban, or... am I confusing you?
Have you seen AVPS? If you haven't.... well, this review was completely worthless.
Red vines,
Sak.
It took me a while to realize what exactly was going on. At first I thought you were referencing something from pop culture which I did not understand. By the time I saw the words "Dark Lord" I realized what you were talking about. Its very cluttered and seems rushed. But as it is supposed to be a howler it completely fits. I love the part
simply because it sounds hilarious when read out loud. Try working on better organization and focus next time though, you jump around so much that its really really hard to follow.
This is supermegafoxyawesomehot.
thank you