Missing

Hi Mikayla! Its NavyCDR doing a review on your poem.
Well as I just see from you title and the first two sentences I can infer that this poem seems to be very personal (as least what it seems). It makes writing a poem worth it and so much more meaningful and deep! Well I loved your poem! I thought that making it personal and on a touchy subject of family makes it so much better! When I read the first part of the poem I thought the poem was going to be about a abusive family member, but when I got to the bottom I realized that who ever's father that was missing was serving his country! I think that makes the reader almost give some sympathy/ some slack for the father missing. Then in the final line you tell us how hurt the writer is. I LOVED IT!!
["Some say send him our thanks and our prayers
Some even say that you’re a hero
But to me you’re not a hero"]
This line right her was my favorite and very meaningful and some what kinda changes the mood of the story for a split second. I think you did a great job on the description and detail and deepness of your poem! I really enjoyed this piece! Keep it up!!

Heya Mikalya and welcome to YWS. I will try to review this poem for you, but I won't try to use specific quotes, just generalize the comments that I have had about this.

First of all, this whole poem seemed like a cliche. A missing person in someone's life, and the grief that they felt about it. This honestly seems like it could be a poem in a blogpost or something, unless it's not personal. Anyways, you want to make this story be your story(that you wrote) so it has to be original and have a unique twist from your perspective. What about, instead of saying "you say it's all my fault" you instead wrote "the weight of faultiness was drooped onto my back." Here is an article that I reccomend you read:
Cliches in Poetry

Next thing is more of a technical thing such as formatting. If you don't format your poem and break them up into stanzas, then it will be very difficult to visually read, if you know what I mean. I totally understand that formatting poetry on YWS could be really tricky, as I have had experience with that. Here is another great article that a fellow user wrote and it proved very helpful to me in the Publishing Center!:
How to Format Poetry

I read the previous reviews, so I don't want to repeat anything that they wrote(tip if you are ever looking to the review.)

What are the reasons and excuses that the MC has heard? Why was the blame placed upon the narrator? How does this person truly feel about this deep inside? These are all questions that you could really expand and answer. I suggest that you write a revision and think or more creative and descriptive phrases that can make people imagine what you are talking about. You honestly don't want people going:
"I can't imagine this poem."-because right now, I can't imagine this poem. For me it's just words on paper, because they haven't come to life yet. I know that this poem might mean a lot lot lot to you, but if it really does then some us by putting some more dedication into it.

I hope that I wasn't too harsh, but I honestly do believe that this is a basic idea that you could springboard(with lots of editing) into a breathtaking poem, but that is work and choices that you will have to decide for yourself. I hope that this review helps, and if you have any questions then please feel free to PM me.

~Pretz

Hello!

so I was just strolling through the poetry section, not really feeling the need to review anything and I clicked on this just to read, but now I feel I need to review this!

So, as NicolMemo said,

"Emotional."

Hi! I didn't see any mistakes, which is great, so I'm just gonna go ahead and talk about it:

I really liked in the description you put that this is special to you, it really draws in the readers, making them curious and wanting to find out more. And the title, Missing, it makes me interested in what you were going to say and it makes me even more interested because it is a poem. I can't explain it, but the fact that it's a poem makes me even more intrigued by the title.

And it makes me wonder, is this really your father you are describing? Of that is too personal s question, you don't have to answer, but I'm just wondering.

This is a beautiful poem, I mainly write short stories, and it has always been so difficult for me to write poetry. It never flowed or came out correct, but you wrote this so amazingly. I didn't see any mistakes, it flowed to together, you put the lines where it sounded good. Marvelous job!!!

Keep Writing,
B.E. Writer

Hi,
Emotional.

Say, is this real... I think this is good.

**REVIEW STARTS HERE**

The typography is suits, I think, but what's its role? Whatever, I like some parts that when being read they will create a really good image and tone. The repetitions seem good, but somehow, they are making this a boring poem overall...

When I explored this poem, I can imagine the situation. This melancholy poem is a conversation of a son/daughter to a father that was missing. Quite beautiful...
The thing you need to improve is descriptions, descriptions and details, details...

As for an example:

When I talk about you
Some salute you
Some say send him our thanks and our prayers
Some even say that you’re a hero
But to me you’re not a hero
You’re just a father that was missing for years