Stardust

Hi! This is Orabella here with an (unfortunately) short review.

I. Love. Space. And astronomy. Stars. Basically anything that's in this breathtaking universe. So this was a special treat for me. And I know there's already a ton of reviews on this, but I thought "might as well" because it truly is amazing.

The imagery is spectacular and well done, and the rhymes fit perfectly in their places. In a way, I want exactly what this person wants: to explore the universe and see the stars up close; but also I'm terrified of it and I never want to go there.

I seriously love this poem more than I can express, and I'd love to read more by you! Sorry again for the shortness of this review. Keep writing!

Hello!

Just wanted to say that this is absolutely breathtaking and a symphony to my mind to read. You did absolutely wonderful and I love this so so much!

The poem itself flows together very well. It doesn't feel lumpy or rough. The imagery is perfect. As I read, I could see everything lined up in front of me. Anything about space or stars or anything of that sort has always awed me. You have done an excellent job of producing an extravagant and beautiful image from this poem. I believe there's not really anything you need to do differently. You truly did a wonderful job and I see nothing wrong with your work. Also, the rhymes are really well put and don't feel out of place at all.

Good job and thank you for writing this amazing poem! It was fun to read, I look forward to reading more.

Keep up the great work!!

Hi there! Here to review your newest poem! I'm always a fan of celestial themed poems now let's take a look here. I will loosely be using the "Review S'More Method" for this!

Interpretation
The first half of the poem I felt was a bit easier to follow - I interpreted as the speaker looking up at the sky in awe and enjoying not only the beauty of the galaxies and stars and infiniteness of the sight, but also their connection with what they were seeing. In the last four lines the poem hints at something else within that connection that one day "their destiny will align" with the stars - and I wasn't quite sure what to interpret this as meaning - perhaps the speaker has a spiritual belief that ancestors and heavens are connected to the stars and so they believe one day they will be part of the nature that they see - or perhaps they see the stars guiding them in some sort of cosmic sense they believe one day they will align with. I find those last four lines very interesting, and yet very vague and would love to seem them explored a bit more!

Formatting
My main qualm or difficulty with this piece was how it was presented on the page - in poetry especially it is important that the words on the page be presented in a way that give the reader confidence that this is a polished work. The more the reader believes the work is intentional, polished, and professional - the more likely they are to have a generous reading of the work and "go along" with what the author suggests - however the way that this poem was presented felt like a little bit like an afterthought because of the last 5 lines of text.

By adding an advertisement for your wattpad poem I felt a little bit like the poem was a bait and switch (like when you read an article online and then are distracted by a spam window popping up) - I would recommend taking all of these sorts of advertisements out, leaving them in a comment if they must be included, or differentiating them from the body of your poem in some way. Similiarally I didn't know what the line "for my love of astronomy...." meant - was this an accidental inclusion, a dedication to the poem, an after-thought? I would take that part completely out, or make it a subtitle. Within the poem itself the best thing to do with author notes is to make sure they don't distract from the poem, don't pull the reader's eye away from the poem, and don't be-little the poem's message and are clearly differentiated from the text of the poem so readers don't think it's part of the poem itself. I hope that makes sense on some of the reasons formatting is so important to consider.

My other suggestion would be to not be afraid to dive into the spiritual implications of the poem a bit more - I feel like that is where the poem really took on some new uniqueness and I'd love to understand those lines even more .

Highlights
Some aspects I really enjoyed here were your various words to describe the sky - like "moon's gentle, silvery glow" - I like the idea of the moon being gentle, and that's a cute personification to go with the description.

I also liked the light rhyme throughout and thought all of your rhyming was done very well - giving an elevated sense to the reading along with cohesion.

Overall
Overall this was a simple straightforward read with some great opportunities for expansion, I really hope to read more of your poetry here in the future! Never stop writing!

alliyah

Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

I enjoyed this poem! You had such neat space imagery, and I could totally picture the cosmos the speaker in the poem wished to fly through. It was wistful and mystical in the best ways; nice work!

One thing I liked was the arc it followed; I loved the journey you took us on through each quatrain. The first one was a lovely introduction, with simplistic yet effective figurative language to really set the scene. Then, you ventured more towards the speaker of the poem, and all their hopes and dreams of the night sky and space. There's this lovely blend of astronomy terminology as well as art phrases, like muse, that I thought showed the complexity of the speaker's relation to outer space very nicely. Then, your third one turns more towards the future and has this lovely conclusive vibe to it, where the speaker promises and hopes for their future among the stars.

One thing I'd suggest: I think breaking it up into stanzas would be nice, as it reinforces the rhyme scheme and can also help it appear more organized. It's quite possible you did write it in stanzas; I know copy and pasting here can be a bit difficult, as it sometimes removes the spaces. Just something to think about!

There were also some moments, especially towards the end, where you had some lines that flowed a little oddly, at least to me, which impeded the rhyme scheme. I know it can be hard to say all you want to say while still staying within the rhyme scheme, but there were some words in there I'm not sure you needed. It can also help to read the poem aloud to catch all those rhythm hiccups.

Another thing is that some metaphors were a little cliche, but I think it actually worked here; because of their similarity with other well known rhymes about stars (like twinkle, twinkle, little star) made the wonder and longing present in the poem throughout very childlike and lovely. If that's not what you're going for, though, you could always brainstorm for fresh figurative language.

Specifics

for my love of astronomy....

Salutations, Mikatsune!

So, under the moon's gentle, silvery glow,

I'll keep dreaming of space, and the places I'll go,

I'll keep dreaming of space, and the places I'll go,

With each twinkling star, a promise and sign,

That one day, among them, my destiny will align.

for my love of astronomy....