I wrote this about one of the worst episodes I've had before. (I have psychotic depression)
The words are slowly split into my skin,
I feel the blade cutting, ripping.
I feel the need to cry out.
They won't stop their screaming,
Their blood thirsty breath,
It's running down my neck.
I can't escape.
And they are all around me,
Waiting for the time to pounce,
The lies are getting twisted,
With the truth.
I can't even tell if I'm awake or asleep!
Swallow me, chew me.
And no one will stop them.
The whispers,
Messing up with my mind,
I can't trust myself anymore..
I try to knock down the walls of pain,
But the past and coldness holds onto me.
The dig their nails into my skin,
Restricting my every movement.
I fear myself, what will I do?
I plead,
I get on my knees and beg for them to let down.
But they rock me from the inside out,
Eating me from within,
Hollow now.
I slash,
I slash my stomach, my legs, my arms.
I write upon the walls, my skin, my clothes.
Why won't you leave me?!
But no one will hear my crying pleads.
They hiss the words that make me weep.
These blinding walls are keeping me inside,
I believed in love but it only intoxicates me more.
I am Trapped,
Inside my own dark madness.
Without a way to get out.
Help I cut into my arm.
Help I curse out loud but no one ever comes.
Help I cry with every ounce of myself.
Help me.
Save me from my insanity.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,014 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
I don't want a review from you at all. What's the point of poetry without anything personal in it? Sorry but I don't care what you have to say about my writing. People can say what they want, I like to hear what people have to say about it. But saying that, I don't give a crap what you have to say, so sorry but making threats about how "brutally" honest you can be, doesn't mean what you say is true. I actually find it funny considering you have no right to tell me my poem "has issues". I'm sure, yours do too. Writing is re-writing and I'm sorry but you are no better then me, in fact probably worse.
Have a cry and a nice day.
Hello there, Mika.
First things first, I'm not sure if posting this was wise on your part, considering the circumstances you wrote it under. One of YWS's main purposes is to provide honest feedback on authors' writings. Said feedback can be quite harsh at times. By posting your piece on this site (or anywhere public), you invite other people to come and comment upon it, sometimes brutally.
In the future, I suggest you not post personal poems/writings. It will save you a lot of grief.
That said, if you do still want a review from me, feel free to PM. Just be aware that I tend to be quite blunt in pointing out issues I see, and I see a number of issues in this poem.
Hi there,
First of all, I am so very sorry for the pain you are in; I can't imagine how that must hurt. Secondly, I want to say that as a critiquer, it's difficult to talk objectively about a poem that clearly came from a very emotional place. So I'll say this: you have a way with images, dear - there's a dark beauty in your lines, especially "the lies are getting twisted with the truth" and the image of your pain as a room with you unable to escape. I'm not going to write about the little details of the poem, because poems like this aren't meant to be edited. I am glad that you have writing poetry as a means of expressing your pain and I hope that you will keep writing, but please, if you feel the need to cut yourself tell a friend or a parent, or even just write about wanting to do it if that will keep you from actually doing it.
PM me if you have any questions
-Aussie