Young Writers Society


12+ Mature Content

Butterfly Project

by MidnightRhode


“Will you please tell me

What it means to feel.

Like your heart was stolen

From you… Ripped apart.

I know that it hurts

But you have to stay here.

Without me you have nothing”

That’s what they all say.

It’s what they make you think.

From those silly lies

It’s like a poison in your drink.

But what they should be saying

Is that “without me you have

Nothing else to fear. Because

I fuel the pain that you feel

Inside. It’s all my fault please

Just don’t give up”

But obviously they say it’s a phase.

That you seek attention

And you’re crazy.

They dismiss the pain

That you feel inside

But what you think is

“End me, since i have nothing else to hide.”

Their response will always be.

“Honey it’s just a phase.

Baby please don’t give up.

What has caused you

To feel this corrupt.”

So you bite your tongue

And just blame yourself

Baby you just need

To get a little help.

I’m not saying that

It will be easy.

Just remember what

It was that you told me.

You said “I need help

I don’t want to hurt

My family. Please just

Tell me what to do…

I’m feeling lost

And i’m really scared.

I just laugh at the

Thought that i’ll

Ever get better.”

Please just remember

That you aren’t alone

In this, scary fight…

Don’t give in to the dark abyss…

Baby it’s not a phase.

I know it’s not your fault

You’ve gone through

A hard time

But please remember

That help is always

Right there.

You don’t need to just

End it all because

Life’s not fair. 


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Points: 44
Reviews: 1

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Sat Aug 11, 2018 4:48 am
KaiGaiBo says...



Hi, I’m Kai!
I really love this. It's a great representation and it will be a little while before this would actually be posted. If it's okay with you, could I compose some piano music and sing it for youtube? You would obviously get full credit for the lyrics and I wouldn't change a single lyric. I completely understand if you don't want me to but I thought I’d ask because I truly love this.






I actually wouldn't mind, i'd just love to hear the song. Thank you so much! I only ask that you let me know when its posted so i can listen to it. You have made my day. Thank you ^-^



KaiGaiBo says...


Thank you so much I will absolutely let you know!



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Sun Mar 04, 2018 8:38 pm
Que wrote a review...



Hey MidnightRhode!

It’s been a little while since I’ve reviewed anything poetic or lyrical, so my apologies in advance.

From just a first look, I think that if might help if you divided this into stanzas, just to more easily see sections and ideas. If you had line breaks in there but the formatting didn’t work out, I think there’s a way you can use </br> to make those spaces, or you can always put a dash in a line to do that as well. (I can explain the </br> thing better if you’re interested in that)

Okay, so I’m going to sort of go in order of things before an overall look, so I’m going to get right into it!

“Will you please tell me
What it means to feel.
Like your heart was stolen
From you… Ripped apart.
I know that it hurts
But you have to stay here.
Without me you have nothing”

The first four lines seem a bit confusing. The first two are fine, but the addition of the second two makes it hard to tell your meaning. Do you want to say “tell me what it means to feel” with the answer being “it’s like your heart was stolen”? Or is it more like, “tell me what it means to feel like your heart was stolen from you”? Neither of those entirely make sense to me, so you may want to think about what you mean there. Then the line about “you have to stay here” — is that a metaphore? Staying the same? In the light of the last line here, it seems like “stay here with me”. Your choice on the addition of that bit depending on your meaning there as well.

That’s what they all say.

It’s what they make you think.

From those silly lies

It’s like a poison in your drink.

This is where you lapse a little bit into rhyming. I like rhyming, but I really like it to be consistent. I get that it can just happen accidentally, but if the rest of your song is all free verse, then it’s probably best to rhyme on a refrain if anywhere at all. The third line also seems a bit open ended — from where? It needs to have something else, like, “from those silly little lies grows a poison in your drink”. It really needs a word like grows or comes. “From x comes y”. The line as it is now doesn’t have a lot of meaning. It shows that there are lies, but it doesn’t tell anything about them.

But what they should be saying

Is that “without me you have

Nothing else to fear. Because

I fuel the pain that you feel

Inside. It’s all my fault please

Just don’t give up”

Your lines don’t all need to be so short! It sounds a little stilted when reading it out loud because the breaks aren’t always natural. Sometimes you want to highlight a key word, maybe like inside because you have a break there, but if you want to do that, I would suggest putting it on its own line rather than starting the next sentence right there.
Another thing I just thought of is the “they”. “They all say” “what they should be saying”. We get a sense of “they” by the end of the piece, but maybe you could drop some more hints near the beginning so that it’s a little bit easier to guess.

But obviously they say it’s a phase.

Is this a different “they”? May need to specify. Also, it’s not very obvious to the readers, so maybe choose a different word than that?

Overall, I like the idea, but there are two main things that I think need to be addressed.
First, the multiple people. You use “me” “you” and “they”, and it’s a little bit hard to keep track of. Usually it’s just two people mentioned. — you and me or me and they or something. You can keep all three, but you may need to be sure you clarify what the relationships are, and who each person is. You don’t have to state it explicitly, but it might help for it to be a little more up-front.
Second, the quotes. That sort of goes hand in hand with the first thing, but the quotation marks also get a little confusing. Separating stanzas might help with that, but maybe you don’t need so many. You can have a few quotes, but do they all need to be that long? If you could cut some down or paraphrase, that might also increase clarity.

Last thing, I could also see some imagery working well in here! There’s not a lot, and while it doesn’t have to be dense, weaving some in could enhance the emotions and the tone. It can just be one word thrown in there, and there are a lot of possible adjectives that you could use without sounding too much like you’re stuffing it full of description.

Remember, everything I say is just a suggestion! You don’t have to make any changes if you don’t want to. :) I was wondering, do you have a tune to this? That would be neat, and sometimes I used to make little tunes to songs. Good luck if you intend to revise, and good luck on future writing! You’ve got a good start.

-Q






Heeyyyy. Okay, so this whole song was a HUGE metaphor for what depression is/could be. Basically it's like the parents saying "will you please tell me what it means to feel like your heart was stolen from you, ripped apart" (This just means that is how the kid has explained it to their parent(s) and how the parent(s) Interpreted what was said.

Then, it continues on what parents say to their kids... And what they should be saying. As most parents think its just for attention, and that nothing is wrong. Well, this song is supposed to reach out to everyone and show them how REAL depression is and how they aren't ever alone.

If you have any more questions, or anything... I'd love to talk to you about it. Sorry if it's vague. I'm one of the newer people.



Que says...


That makes sense! :)



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Sun Mar 04, 2018 5:58 pm
AnimalQueen says...



This really shines a light on depression.






I really was hoping for that to happen, or someone to actually see it how i did. :3



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Thu Mar 01, 2018 5:04 pm
WanderlustStardust wrote a review...



Hello! Berri here for a review! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و

Let me begin by saying, I love this title. There are so many different connections I can make with butterflies, the biggest being a song from Steven Universe called "Here Comes a Thought". Butterflies are used to represent negative thoughts in that song, and pfft, it just popped into my head, as it was the most obvious thing I could think of.

Second, I see this more as a poem than lyrics. This could just be me, but as a songwriter myself (I do improv on the piano where the words just happen without plan) there isn't really a clear chorus or bridge- but that's what revision is for, right? But also, keep in mind that not every song has a chorus or bridge. (′︿‵。)

I recently wrote a song too, called "If You Were Here", and it doesn't have any repeated lines besides "If you were here" (because honestly it sounded better in my head) and I guess it works without a real chorus. Just keep that in mind, I'd say.

ⅎoo ǝɯᴉʇ ƃuoʅ ɐ uᴉ pǝʍǝᴉʌǝɹ ʇ,uǝʌɐɥ ᴉ

But all-in-all, I loved these lyrics! Go for writing the melody behind them!

I like to arrange stuff on my phone in GarageBand, by the way. ☆(*ゝω・*)ノ

Keep on writing!

Berri out! =^● ⋏ ●^=






Thank you so much!!




They laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at them because they're all the same.
— Kurt Cobain