Prologue
A solider stared out over the land that would soon to be a battlefield. Watching from the edges, patiently, in silence, unmoving as the two massive army's stared each other down. Just a little longer, he thought to himself.
He waited, and for that moment so did the world. No one moved. No sound was heard. it was misleading, and almost peaceful. They quickly had a reminder of what was inevitable. The first cannon was fired, battle cries rang out, and men charged to their ultimate if not instantaneous doom. With that the solider turned and, like a ghost, he was gone.
Walking away from the first of many conflicts, his eyes stayed locked on one place. That was far enough to be untouched by the raging battle below. Here stood a mountain, one of many in the Andes chain. At the base of this stood a rather large foothill with an unencumbered view of the clashing armies, in spite of the massive forest upon it.
He began his trek up the hill. Though the hill was steep and treacherous, he pressed onward. His eye's blazed with an unyielding force, never looking back.
When he arrived at his destination, the soldier was met by the sight of his associate staring out onto the fight below, acknowledging his approach. The man glanced out of the corner of his eye.
“Well?” the man inquired.
The solider stood still, looking out over the battlefield. After a long pause he declared, “We made our choice, all we can do is move forward”.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Okayyy...so on first glance, this is a pretty cool looking prologue that we've got here. Its certainly got all the right ingredients as far as I can see..but well, let's get down to more details down below.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well, that looks like a pretty tense situation there to get started off there, just casually have two giant armies standing on opposite sides and staring each other down, probably waiting for some sort of signal that they could begin the battle, well its certainly a pretty exciting note to start on, so let's see what's going to end up happening here.
Well, there we go, I do like the slight buildup of tension and then with one canon shot all chaos breaks lose and suddenly the battle is underway. Its certainly one of my favorite ways to see a fight scene begin. And then of course the soldier actually pulls a bit of a vanishing act and then ghosts get mentioned soo...that's a lot of fun..
Okay, that does sound like a pretty cool visual there, just watching two armies clash from up in a high mountain range has a certain coolness factor that I can't quite explain. At any rate, this is quite interesting to see why a soldier would just be running away from the battle and up this mountain to just watch...its definitely asking a lot of fun questions.
Oooh, okay, that certainly makes things even more intriguing to try and figure who could possibly be this associate person and what on Earth those two have just planned out here to be doing this secret meeting on top of a giant treacherous mountain.
Okayy...well this looks to me like they're perhaps deserting the battlefield here or something along those lines, and running away from the war itself...maybe...that is the best theory I can come up with for the moment at least....this is certainly a pretty intriguing ending here for this prologue.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this a pretty solid start, its certainly got some really intriguing things hidden in there, that makes you want to want to find out more. At any rate, this is a story I would continue reading...aand that's about all I've gotta say here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hey MicoSoul,
Myjaseprcat here to give you a review...
First off, welcome to YWS I cant wait to see a lot form you anyways, onwards.
Ok, so wow, that was a lot. I liked it though, it was very interesting. There are some things that could use work, but overall good job.
Hullo, great work on your prologue!
First of all, although your actual overall objectives and such are nice, some of your grammar does need correcting, for example in your first sentence, replace the word "would" with "was". A good thing to try to do is read your writing aloud as you write it, as this ensures that everything does, in fact make grammatical sense. A few other mistakes include use of commas, but that's something that I see a lot of, e.g. "... and men charged to their ultimate, if not instantaneous, doom."
In terms of the whole "painting a picture" thing, it is good to leave out details for your reader, so that they can create their own image, but at the same time, it feels so...empty. You have what I assume to be your protagonist staring out onto the land that's about to be painted red with blood, but as readers, we have no idea what to imagine. Is it a forest (as you say later) or is it flat land? In terms of description you have nothing but geographical features, making it very hard to have any picture at all of what we're seeing. When I first started reading this, I instantly assumed this would be on some faraway planet, seeing as it was under the science fiction genre.
That being said, one thing that you have done successfully is create suspense. The soldier deserting the battle, along with his meeting with his associate creates several questions that the reader wants to learn more about.
Personally, I find that even for a prologue, this is kinda short (clocking in at only 258 words). Depending on its final length, I feel like it can be extended upon to a greater extent.
SUGGESTIONS
The introduction of any light novel- novel length piece of writing, PARTICULARLY sci-fi and fantasy, where there is an element of worldbuilding, should have a clear setting. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule, such as in, say, magical realism and such, but I think this kind of novel warrants something more. Even at the end of this, we still have no idea what time period it takes place in. You could use the battle, for example, to do this. What kinds of weapons are they using? How does your character see the soldiers die?
In terms of overarching plot, the description seems a bit iffy. All-out wars don't just happen. I would need to read the rest of it, or at least an outline of it to be able to judge the realism of it. I suppose that suspension of disbelief could maybe cover it, but I'm still not entirely sure of it.
Anyway, I'm looking forwards to reading the rest of it, keep it up, and don't give up!
NyankoLyfe~