Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: So fair warning...I don't know anything about this particular fandom so I will only be judging this story in terms of the writing and the plot that it has. Okay so the story itself is really well written. Even though I didn't know too much about what was going on I was completely invested in our Eevee and was rooting for her all the way through. And that's great. You wrote a really nice little action sequence there.
Anyway let's get right to it,
She just couldn't take it anymore! Done with the whole business! Finished! The little fur ball of a Pokemon paced around the cage that she had been confined in for past few months. The place was unbearable, all cold metal, all machines and gadgets. The Eevee missed her days of frolic and fun out in the open, the days when she could smell the fresh air, and feel the sunshine on her fur. She had to get out.
Well that does sound like something a creature trapped in a cage would be thinking of.
The clever little critter lay on her side on the hard metal floor of the cage and began panting heavily, giving the illusion of illness or injury as she thought of all the tests that these people had performed on her, trying to unlock the secrets of her DNA, as she had heard them say countless times. Special DNA, fascinating DNA. That's why she was here, in this dreadful place, because her species, as reported by the humans in the white coats, had peculiar DNA traits.
Umm...mentioning the clever part seems unnecessary because the rest of this implies that pretty well already.
She was brought back to reality by the sound of footsteps in the hall outside of the containment room. The Eevee quickly resumed the illusion of illness, panting heavily and whimpering slightly for added effect. Her attendant opened the door to the room, spotting the pokemon on the floor of the cage. The soft-hearted scientist quickly set aside her tray of food and ran to the cage, leaving the door open, just as Eevee had hoped she would, and ran to the cage. She opened the cage quickly, and looked so concerned as she pulled the Eevee's deliberately limp body out of the contraption that Eevee almost felt bad about using her. Almost.
Kind of a severely cliched line there at then end but I guess it works okay here.
As she had seen no windows in the facility Eevee assumed that they were in a basement of sorts, underground. In this case, stairs meant freedom. She heard the footsteps and shouts from behind her. The scientists were catching up. She could also see light at the top of the stairs. Not the artificial light that filled the rooms behind her, but a purer, more happy light. The sun. A window. Freedom.
Some nice building of tension that you have there.
It was heaven when her paws hit the grass, even with all of the glass clinging to her fur and scattering the ground. As she took off for the surrounding woods only one thought entered her mind: She was free.
And a lovely happy ending to cap things off which is great.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: So this was a wonderful little story. I might actually track this one down on fanfiction.net to see if there is more. It's really good and this seems like a wonderful start that you have here. There is nothing that I think needs changing. Great Job!!
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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Reviews: 4145
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