The sky so bright the world so high like the star shining in the sky only the good keeps the world from falling down
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139,243 Literary Works • 672,522 Reviews
Hey Mia! Great big welcome to Young Writers Society! I hope you are loving the site so far and enjoying everything. I'm one of the moderators on YWS, so if you need any help finding your way around don't be afraid to ask.
So let's take a look at your poem, I am so happy to see another poet on the site! And WOW! If you are really only 9 years old, I am super impressed by this. There's no way I would have been able to write a poem like this at 9.
I feel like the first half is a sort of play on the song "Twinkle Twinkle Little Stars" but then in the second half you make your own twist to it, saying that "the good" keeps the world from falling down. That's a really beautiful thought!
A few suggestions
Poems are often broken up into lines to make them flow a bit better, this certainly isn't necessary but is pretty typical. You might consider breaking up the poem where the phrases sort of chunk together like this:
You may want to put a period or a comma after line 4 in that version so that the reader doesn't get confused when reading.
Another suggestion you might want to take a look at would be finding a few more describing words for your stars, really try to paint a picture with words (this is called imagery in literature). This is a great way to build interest and keep your readers engaged.
Overall
Overall, I love the idea of some powerful goodness holding up the world - it reminds me of how I feel about God!
All the best of luck in your writing journeys Mia!
~ alliyah
'Ello there!
I agree with Momo, the format isn't very clean. There is no punctuation (It's not exactly needed, but in a long string like this, it feels like it's rushed.), and poems usually have a layout that isn't in sentence form. I'd suggest breaking up parts and seeing what you like, but if that doesn't seem like something you like, you can always try something else.
You don't need to use this, but here is an example of what it would look like with different format choices:
If you were to add punctuation and break it up, it would look something like that. There is poetry formatted like yours, so don't sweat it if you hate what I suggested!
Keep writing!
luminescence
Hi, I’m here for a quick review!
I really like this poem. It’s short, sweet, and gets the point across. I like the idea of “the good” keeping the world from falling down.
I agree with what Momo said about the formatting - although I do enjoy unconventional poetry formats - that the kind of thing they suggested would make this poem easier to read and would help get your ideas across more as well.
One thing that slightly confused me - “the sky so bright”. I don’t really understand how this adds to the message of the poem (which I’ve interpreted to be the good keeping the world alive), but I did like the comparison with the star - I think it helps create imagery.
I’m going to have to mention “only the good keeps the world from falling down” again because I absolutely love it. It’s just such a beautiful way to describe the good in the world.
That’s all I have to say. Overall, this poem has a great message, albeit some slightly confusing sections, and could be improved with a more readable format.
Great job, and keep on writing!
Hey! I really like this! The only thing I would have to say, is maybe try formatting it differently as other people as said. Other than that it's really nice!
-Password
I agree! this is an inspiring work of poetry.
Momo, here to review!
This review will be short and simple, like this poem/prose! I really liked this poem a lot! I just wanted to point something out.
This isn't formatted very well. I would suggest writing it like this:
That's it! Keep writing, and have a happy RevMo!
Momo
Hi! welcome to YWS!
So, there isn't really much to review, except the fact that this is so short. Also, this is pretty much just a run on sentence. Try to format poems better next time.
Spunkyspacekitty
Please if you liked it feel free to comment