It stalks in a cave, prancing left, right
Like a monster in the dark, creeping in the cold night
It is trapped, caged, thrashing about furiously
Planning its escape, it’s every move, meticulously
-
The iron bars of its cage threaten to bend, to break
It slithers about effortlessly, like a snake
The cage can barely contain it, it battles every day
It weakens the sides, and the lock breaks away
-
It lashes out, claws sharp, fangs gleaming
It rips everything apart with growling and screaming
All barriers crack, all Hell breaks loose
It spares none, it sends them all to the noose
_
The chaos complete, it settles once more
But if it is riled it will scrape to the core
Of everything decent, of everything kind
Not realizing that it's putting itself in a bind
-
It is this thing called Anger, and you better beware
If you let it take over, nothing will it spare
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Hi, I loved the imagery of your poem. Anger as a metaphorical monster was an interesting theme. Most of what was described could be likened to anger but you could have made stronger metaphors. But I understand that you may have wanted to be subtle about it. Realizing it was anger that you were talking about gave the end of your poem a dramatic effect.
Hi there!
Figured I'd come leave a review since I think this poem is awesome
I'll start with a flyby of your poem: it's a poem that personifies anger and everything that comes with it.
Now, this is something I don't normally do because I like to review from beginning to end, but I wanted to start with talking about the ending. I feel like you missed a big opportunity to make this more powerful than it already is. Let's look at the last three lines:
(I don't know if the last 'anger' here is meant to be part of the poem or not seeing as it's in italics, but I'm just going to assume it is) In this entire poem, the word 'anger' isn't mentioned once until these last three lines when it's mentioned twice. We're sitting here reading through this poem, wondering what it's even about. Then we reach that third to last line and it's all revealed, yet the poem isn't over yet. It's almost like the climax of a story, the great reveal, and then everything trickles down after that. The thing with poetry is, you don't have to have that. Sometimes the most powerful image/feeling/whatever comes at the very end and you can just leave it as that. Personally, I think that would've made for a stronger ending.
I'll move onto nitpicks (which I enjoy much more in poetry than prose because every word counts and all that jazz):
Spoiler
An easy mistake to make.
This is a bit repetitive. I know that repetition is good in poetry, but with it in the same line it doesn't work too well. 'Slithers' has a connotation of a slithering snake. At least, that's what first pops into my mind. So saying 'it slides like' is basically saying it slithers. I like the simile here and I think it'll work better if you just leave the part about the snake. It could read something like: "It slithers about effortlessly, like a snake". Or, you know, something along those lines.
The 'them' here doesn't fit perfectly into the rhythm, I feel. It kind of slows it down a bit. This is a fast paced poem that reads through boom boom boom. There doesn't seem to be any room for extra words or syllables. It sounds like there's something extra here. This line would read smoother without it. It's just something really small, but it does have a big effect.
The same thing applies here. If you combine 'it is' to make 'it's', the line will flow much better.
I'm pretty sure there should be a comma before 'nothing'.
I want to applaud you on your rhyming. To be honest, I didn't even realize it was a rhyming poem until I read through it to specifically look for things. Reading it through just to enjoy it, I didn't notice the rhyming. It's cool how you were able to camouflage that and not let it take away from the overall feeling/message of the poem.
There is no punctuation at the end of the lines of this poem, which is perfectly fine. In fact, I like the way it reads. Anger is something that comes and goes so quickly that you don't even think about it. So to have a poem that goes on and on without a seeming end, really represents the overall image you're trying to portray here. However, I do want to suggest maybe adding a break, either a period or creating a new stanza, between the lines "The chaos complete, it settles once more" and "But if it is riled it will scrape to the core". The only reason I bring that up is because it feels like two different parts of the poem. Up to line 13, the poem focuses on the intensity and evilness of anger. The images are sharp and intense, anger filled even. Then starting at line 14, the images become softer (in language at least) and less direct. Those lines don't exactly fit perfectly with the earlier ones. A break would really separate the two overall images and really make the reader think.
Now, about the title. Is there a specific reason why you called this Poem? You know, besides the obvious that it's a poem?
Overall this is a very well written poem. The message is clear and the writing is solid. I didn't see any breaks in the flow except for the few small ones I pointed out. It's a common subject that I see in a lot of writing, but you did well making it your own and creating something powerful from it. I really enjoyed it
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Thanks Noelle, I fixed it all up
I really love the new title
Hi! I really enjoyed this poem. At the beginning I didn't know exactly what you were describing, I pictured an animal of some sort. The way you wrote and used descriptive language made it clear by the end that you were talking about anger, and I thought that was very clever. My favorite part was the last two lines, "It is this thing called anger...will it spare." It really hits you. I liked how you aren't too direct, but you get your point across.
I didn't see any grammar errors overall, my only tip is to maybe include more punctuation. It will help the reader get the flow of the poem more and not have to guess. For example, adding periods at the end of each line would slow the reader down and probably make them really take it what you wrote.
Overall, I really liked it a lot, please write more!
Hey Nunya here to review! I thought this was a very clever poem, however I have some tips. You don't have any periods after your stanzas. No one can tell where you want the rhythm to stop and pick up again, so put some periods and commas at the end. I also think you should name the poem anger cause if it's just "Poem" people think it will be boring and this is far from that. Keep writing!
~Nunyabusiness