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The Duck Warrior Chapter 1

by Messenger


“We’ll take over the world before he knows what’s happening.”

“Yes, and then we can rule the world without some yellow and orange duck!”

“But we must not show any signs of overthrowing the kingdom until we are completely ready.”

“Right. Now disperse before anyone sees us together.”

Three weasels divided and left from a hollowed-out tree, where a small living space had been made. One, a dark brown weasel in a yellow tunic, around which was tied a long thin dagger, headed for castle Quackstone, the capital of the kingdom Featheria. The castle had big stone walls and tall, spiraling keeps at each corner. Four huge wooden gates, each studded with iron and with a portcullis behind, were the entrances to the majestic-looking castle. Banners floated in the summer breeze, and the orange roofs reflected the sun.

The weasel looked up at the castle, as he ran through the plain which surrounded it.

“This castle will soon be under my command.” snickered the weasel. “Yes sir, soon I’ll have servants waiting on me hand and foot, and an army to do anything I tell them.” His laugh rose to a high shrill. He quieted down as he approached the gate. The two ducks at the top, both armed with spears, and with light leather on, at once let the weasel through, knowing that he was a member of the king’s servants.

The inside of the castle bustled with activity. Vendors with fruits and vegetables called out, hoping to attract buyers, each trying to give a better price. Duckmaids scurried about, carry­ing baskets of laundry, hanging wet clothes out to dry, sweeping their porches, wash­ing windows, taking things to and fro. A few duck and weasel guards walked about, making sure everybody was keeping in line. The inside of the castle was loaded with buildings; most were the houses of inhabitants who lived in the fort, along with blacksmiths’ shops, stables, bakeries, barracks, taverns, inns for travelers, and numerous other buildings of importance.

But this was only the front of the castle. The second half held the king’s and queen’s quar­ters, along with servant quarters, kitchens, the grand hall, lounging rooms, and more sleep­ing quarters, countless hallways leading up and down, and this way and that. Behind these buildings was an immense garden with a giant hedge cut in the shape of a duck, and around it were hundreds of yellow flowers. There were all sorts of flowers to be looked at and picked: daisies, buttercups, roses, tulips, irises, lilies in small ponds, violets, azaleas, and more. Pathways zigzagged through the whole garden, and many were shaded by beautiful apple trees, dogwood trees, and peach trees. Gardeners tended their plants, and many ducks and weasels walked around while birds fluttered in the trees and bees buzzed around the flowers.

Snickers (for that was the weasel’s name) dodged his way through the bustle of the first half of the inner castle and made his way to a small wooden door, which opened into serv­ants’ quarters. Several bunks lined the wall, all made with blankets and pillows smoothed out perfectly, and not a thing out of place in the entire room. Snickers went through this room to another door which led him down a hall.

After walking for a few minutes, going right, then left, then left again, he opened a third door, which led to the great hall. The room truly was great in every sense. The ceilings arced high, and the width and length of the room were very great. Three sides of the room were lined with tables, leaving the middle of the room for jugglers, musicians, and other entertainers during special occasions. The walls were covered with tapestries of battles scenes, and other things.

The weasel crossed the great room and opened a door in one corner. This was the entrance to a wider hall than most in the castle, and the reason was because it led to the two kitch­ens, where the finest chefs cooked for the king. The hallway was wider so that creatures could carry big trays through it. Snickers was a cook, and this would help in the overthrowing of the kingdom, for a simple drop of poison into a cup, and the king would be dead. But Snickers must wait for the others, so that the overrunning of the castle could be pulled off successfully.

Snickers entered one of three pairs of double-sided doors, which showed him the sight of five weasels hard at work making food. One rat, the only one left of its kind, was chopping vegetables with a long knife. The other five were doing the same, as well as adding meat and onions to a big black pot, which hung over a fire. All were dressed in orange, with white aprons on.

One of the weasels, a grey one, spoke to Snickers, as he walked in. “Dinner is almost ready, sir.’

The kitchen had two big sinks, several counters, and pots and pans hanging from the ceiling. Two wooden tables were in the middle of the room as well. .Snickers nodded, going over to a big stone oven, where three long loaves of bread were baking. He took the wooden paddle and stuck it under one of the loaves, pulling it out, and laying it on a tray which sat on a counter. Snickers did the same with the next two loaves, and then called for a weasel to cut them.

“Kilroy, cut these loaves, and put them on the king’s tray of food.”

“Yes sir.” The grey weasel obeyed.

The rat dumped the chopped up vegetables into the pot, and another weasel stirred for a few minutes. The aroma was delicious, for Snickers knew what spices to put into a stew to make it good. A weasel filled a silver bowl with the stew, and the Snickers took it. He exited the first pair of double doors, crossed the second, and entered the third, which was the drink room.

Flasks of drinks were everywhere, and there was a door at the back, where the grape and apple press were. A few ducks and some weasels were pouring drinks into cups, and mixing other drinks. The cups were set on trays, and Snickers came up to one of the trays. He set his tray down, took a cup of red drink, and placed in on his tray. He then left and went down several halls until he came to one of the dining rooms. The room was about a third the size of the great hall, and there was only one table, straight down the middle of the room.

Tapestries draped the walls on three sides, and on the third, was a magnificent window, in a half circle shape.Sunlight flooded the room, and Snickers temporarily squinted, his eyes adjusting from the darker halls. Then he approached the table, where at the head of it, sat the king. Two guards stood beside him, and there were guards at each door leading into this room. The queen sat on the right side of the table, next to the king, and other high ranking officials sat in the other seats.

Snickers bowed to the king, who was a good-looking duck, with blue eyes. He had on a yellow and orange robe, and had a small belt with a dagger in it. The scabbard was covered with jewels, and so was the king’s crown, which sparkled on top of his head.

“Your Majesty, your dinner.” Snickers placed the tray on the blue tablecloth stretching the length of the table. Two silver candle holders sat in the middle of the table, as did a bowl of fruit. Snickers turned, and opened the door he had entered by. In came more servants with trays of food and drink. Each placed one in front of the diners. Then all of the servants, including Snickers left. They returned fifteen minutes later, when all had finished their meal. As Snickers cleared the king’s tray, the king complimented him.

“Great food as always, Snickers. And give my thanks to the drink-makers as well.

“Thank you, your Majesty. I will tell them.”

“No finer drinks have I tasted in all the world than here in castle Quackstone.” All the others sitting around the table agreed. “Here, here!” They all held their cups high, as the king gave a toast.

“I would like to give a toast to the food and drinks of castle Quackstone. A toast!”

“To the food and drinks of Quackwall!” repeated the diners. With that, they all drank, and then set their cups back down.

As soon as Snickers was out the door, he chuckled softly. “No better drinks indeed. I’m sure you and your friends will love the drinks a week from now. Why, I bet they’ll be so good, they will put you right down to comfortable, long sleep.” He laughed again, his laugh turning into a high shrill, the louder he got. “To the king of Quackwall, one week hence, king Snickers!” he roared wickedly, his laugh echoing down the halls, like the moan of a ghost.

AN: This is a story I abandoned a while ago due to lack of interest on my part. However, if you really enjoy the story let me know, and I may continue it!

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52 Reviews

Points: 2953
Reviews: 52

Sun Dec 29, 2013 8:51 pm
Aravis10 wrote a review...

Aravis again! I decided that since I reviewed the other two chapters, I might as well do the first one. :) This makes so much sense! I was a little lost before. I guess that comes from skipping the first chapter. Now, I know who Snickers is and the plan. I wonder who of the weasels will turn out to be the leader. Hmmmmm.
Like in your other ones, I wish that there was more description of the other senses not just sight. There also seems to be a lot of the characters talking to themselves. Is that just a bit weird or is it just me? Also, since this is the first chapter, it would be nice if it pulled you in more. A little more suspense, some intrigue, details that make this animal world unique could all help with that! Emotions are also lacking. For example, why does the weasel not like the king? Is there some sort of backstory?
In general, this would be a great story for maybe elementary kids! I think that you should start it up again!

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229 Reviews

Points: 11589
Reviews: 229

Thu Dec 12, 2013 9:38 pm
SushiSashimi333 wrote a review...

My first impression of this from the title is that it would be a little humorous, now whether you meant it to be or not, it still managed to make me smile. They may be overthrowing the kingdom and have plans of doom, but the names, Featheria and Quackstone really gave this story a sort of innocent feel.

soon I’ll have servants waiting on me hand and foot,
I think the "me" is supposed to be a "my", but that could just be my brain not working.

Voice: I really like what you did with the narrator's voice. It flows fairly well, and I like how you spoke to the reader. The way you wrote this made it sounds a bit like Dicken's when he writes, just with less adjectives. The fact that you spoke to the reader helped create this image of Dickens, I liked it, but it sounds a bit too much like Dickens. This is probably just me though.

Imagery: You need more. You definitely had long lists of flowers and the like, but you need to elaborate. This is a palace, make the reader feel in awe, not like they're supposed to feel in awe. (I hope that made sense) Include scents, sounds, anything to stimulate the five senses. Now I say this, but that doesn't mean to go overboard and blow their brains O_O Just add more.
The walls were covered with tapestries of battles scenes, and other things.

You have a description going here, don't fall flat and leave it at stuff. Maybe add something that only this little animal world has?

Flow: There are some parts where you break up your sentences with commas a little strangely, but for the most you're pretty well off. I won't point them out since I'm pretty sure you'll be able to find them when you read it aloud.

Understanding: So I don't really understand what Snickers is, job wise. I figure that he's probably a worker in the castle, but what does he do? Some readers might not pick that up. I would clear that up a little bit. I'm only asking this because it kind of affects the plot whether he has a high or low position in the castle and what's driving him to do this act of treason.

Tapestries draped the walls on three sides,
Just note that you said something about tapestries hanging some time before. I would put some more variety in there.
“To the food and drinks of Quackwall!”
Did you mean Quackstone or did I miss something? (chances are I missed something.)

Overall: This was certainly very interesting! I question who your audience is. I saw you wrote this when you were younger so I'm assuming it might be geared towards slightly younger audiences, whatever age you were when you wrote this. Not much has happened yet since this is only the first chapter I can't really say much. Overall pretty good ^_^ Keep up the good writing!

Sushi :D

TheMessenger says...

Most of what you say is right. I never have edited any of these chapters, so the commas make sense. I used to be a commaholic. The age group is kind of mixed. Have you ever read Redwall? It's kind of like that.
The Quackwall part I am confused as well. I can't remember what I meant by that:D *Hides in a hole.*
Basically I put the first three chapters up to see if it interests people. I never finished it, but I do like what I wrote.
Thanks for reviewing. Maybe if you read the next couple chapters it'll help.

SushiSashimi333 says...

I've actually never read Redwall. Normally animals stories don't interest me so I never considered it.

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494 Reviews

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Reviews: 494

Thu Dec 12, 2013 5:09 pm
Holysocks wrote a review...

Hello! Care for a review? Alright than...

I love that it's ducks and weasels! Your imagery was amazing, the best was in the garden... I liked that you added fruit trees along with everything, it really made it feel like a truly beautiful place.

It is interesting that the main character is kind of the villain here. I'm wondering what you'll be doing there, if he finds some soft spot for the king, you revel some history on Snickers that, in a way, justifies his coldness towards the king.

Now I realized that this is kind of your average story ( minus the interesting characters ), there's a plot to take over the kingdom, someone on the inside to make sure it happens, and poison is the cleanest way... so why not? I'm just thinking, you've got to have some pretty good twists for the future if it's going to work ( I'm sorry if this is sounding mean. I like your story here, so don't take anything to strongly to heart! ).

Now I have nothing else to say, because you're an awesome writer, but I thought that I would point out the ONLY TYPO IN THE WHOLE THING:

in a half circle shape.Sunlight flooded the room,

You just forgot the space. :-P

Well that's all, and sorry it wasn't the most helpful review, but it is kind of your fault for being such a good writer!!! See you around!


Holysocks says...

I just saw the title again... Is Snickers the main character...?

TheMessenger says...

Thanks for the review. Snickers is the main character. Keep reading to find out more.

TheMessenger says...

Thanks for the review. Snickers is not the main character. Keep reading to find out more. There are lots of characters.

Holysocks says...

You're welcome, and I might just do that! :-D

Make sure you marry someone who laughs at the same things you do.
— Holden Caulfield