Published January 10, 2016
The horse’s whinny was the first noise to alert the armed men perched in, or hidden behind the trees that lined the dirt road, wide enough to fit a wagon through with relative ease. The men perked up at the sound over the tweeting of birds and the occasional squirrel or raccoon chatter. They stiffened a little, hunched a little lower, waiting, clasping their muskets tighter.
Down the road came the unaware enemy - a cavalrymen at the lead followed by two redcoats leading a covered wagon, and another fourteen trailing. The horse was the first to sense an unseen presence, and it tossed its head to one side. The rider patted its neck.
“Steady girl.” Then to the others: “keep an eye out. Dangerous woods we’re in.”
The group moved on, eyes flicking back and forth, looking for, but never seeing, the ten or so men, clad in dull greys, browns, and deep greens (which formed an effective camouflage).
The first shot came above, striking the rider in the face. His body was propelled backwards, still grasping the reins. The horse bolted, dragging the lifeless body down the path. Then all hell broke loose. Bullets came in from all directions, as did a flaming torch. It settled on the dirty white covering of the wagon before burning its way through and falling within.
The redcoats turned and fled, firing into the foliage, without catching more than a glimpse of their enemy. A volley erupted from the left, shredding through three more redcoats. They stumbled and fell with cries of pain.
The wagon exploded in a ball of flame that reached for the sky. Wood splinters and metal bits dispersed everywhere like shrapnel, causing the ambushers to duck for cover.
From an overarching branch a figure dropped lightly to his feet. He reloaded his musket and then strapped it to his back. His eleven troops emerged from their hiding positions to survey the handiwork. The wagon, or rather what had been the wagon, was crackling with flames and ash. Several dead or dying soldiers were strewn in front and behind the wreckage. The leader of the ambush made a circular motion with his hand.
“We’re finished here. Let’s go before they come to collect the dead and wounded.”
And with that they retreated into the forest.
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140,590 Literary Works • 673,544 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!
First Impression: Well, this was a pretty cool start here to this story. Starting with a band like this is certainly my favorite method...so I am a little biased towards liking this one...xD...but at any rate, this fight scene really was written very nicely to match the situation, and it gets across the correct flow.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm...okay...well...this is a pretty tense start I see...we have ourselves a few folks getting ready for an ambush of sorts, and that is always certainly an exciting seen to really get things going. I do love how the surroundings are described as well. It certainly helps establish the setting of what things are about to happen...and that is certainly quite helpful especially if fight scene was to break out.
Hmm...well those folks appear to sense that something terrible might be in store for them, and considering the first paragraph, that appears to be a pretty good move there, I do love the building sense of tension here from having a paragraph like this one. This is certainly building a lovely sense of anticipation for a potential fight to come here.
Ahh...I love that start to the fight scene, the tension manages to really build up nicely before there's one single shot to suddenly release all of it and then boom all chaos breaks out. This is my favorite way to see a fight scene be started soo...well...loving this particular one already, let's see if this one manages to flow through properly.
Oooh, well this is proceeding quite well, the wagon exploding is certainly nicely timed, everyone beginning to get running there with all the surrounding description is just creating a lovely combination here. This almost feels like one of the grand slo mo fight scenes you see in a movie at this point...at least in my head..xD
Well, looks like that was a successful ambush there...hmm...bit of an ominous way to end the chapter there, certainly does establish overall tone for this story here. Well, this one is certainly quite intriguing this one. And well, this was a pretty well executed fight scene, it was a bit of the shorter side but that does really fit with what's going on here. This is a short and quick ambush meant to be devastating and that comes across quite well. Pretty nicely done here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, a pretty solid sounding story here. I would certainly read this one based on this trailer that you've got here. Well at any rate, that is about all I've gotta say here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Heyo Messenger, Tulip here to give you a review!
I really liked this a lot. There was a lot of detail and a good amount of action portrayed within a small piece. I loved how through the imagery you used, you were able to convey what you wanted the scene to look like, without using a large amount of imagery. It has a sharp vivid images that help to set up the start of your work nicely.
I loved how you started the scene with the horses and how their riders reacted to the distress that they were in.
I loved the ending where you have a simple piece of dialogue to end the piece. It is what really made me like it the most.
You have a good start and I can't wait to read more Messenger!
Keep on writing,
~Tulip~
Hello Messenger, here for a review!
Pretty intense! You were able to create the image of war in a few words, yet very vividly. The reader gets a clear picture through his head as he reads and even the few details that are not mention are easily imagined by the reader. Hence, congratulations on your description.
About the story behind this scene and what your story is about in general, there isn't much to say about. You don't give out much information on those matters, so I if were to comment on something I would say maybe make this piece a little bit longer and provide the reader a more general idea of your story's setting and background.
Either way, great start and hope to see more!
Keep writing!