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Kings of the Skies Chapter 5 - Family Discussions

by Messenger


“But Father, you said we were going to go tomorrow,” Kip said, struggling to keep up with her father’s long strides.

“Ordinarily that would have happened, but,” and he turned to look at Kip, “this could be very dangerous. An attack on our ships is no trivial matter. I don’t want to put you in them idle of a mess. Who knows what the condition of Ivory Harbor is? The courier said that it’s been a week since the initial attack. Who knows if the Grevians have made another move? It’s too soon to see if this is just another stab at us to keep us on edge, or if it’s the advance party of an assault.”

Kip sighed, loud enough for her father to hear, and pressed on. “Father, you and Mother are trying to prepare for being the queen, right?”

“I don’t like where this is headed, Kip. Yes we are preparing you to rule eventually, and yes we want you to be able to face danger and press on. That doesn’t mean that I’m going to purposefully put you in harm’s way.”

The two ascended the tower and entered the sunny courtyard below. Kip hurried in front of her father.

“I know that you don’t want me to get hurt. But we don’t know that something has happened besides one scout ship being attacked.”

“Roasted by a dragon, her father corrected.

“Well that is new,” Kip admitted, “but still, it’s not the first time for it to happen. We’re not at peace with the Grevians. We should expect things like this, shouldn’t we?”

He father rubbed his ragged beard. Kip could tell that he was close to giving in. She decided to pull the trump card.

“If I was a son, would you take me to the harbor?” She stopped and waited.

Her father hesitated for a moment and was about to reply, but then stopped. He let out a sly smile. “You know I would.”

Kip tried to stay as still and complacent as she could. No reason to jeopardize the situation so close to convincing him.

“Very well. Make sure you’re ready to leave at dawn tomorrow. We’ll need to move quickly.”

Kip couldn’t help the small giggle that slipped out, or the grin that crossed her face.

“Thanks.”

Back inside her room she jumped out and let out a hoot. There was something inside her that almost craved for an element of danger on the trip. It actually made this whole future-queen thing more interesting. She sat down on the edge of her bed, swinging her legs. Okay, so the son jab was a little unfair … but it’s true, right? He said so himself.

She nodded as if to convince herself and meandered over to her bedroom window which provided a view of a portion of the dragon stables. She could hear the growls and yips from the dragons. A corral to the far left housed two dragons, not yet two months old. The little beasts were jumping all over each other, nipping and scratching in a playful manner. One fired a tiny blast of fire and the other yowled and sprang forward, teeth barred. Kip laughed and rested his chin on her two arms, using the windowsill as a support.

Behind the stables rose the Dark Mountains to the east. They jutted into the midday sky like black arrows piercing the large puffy clouds. From Kip’s view they looked so grand, so beautiful, calm and majestic. Majestic? Yes. Calm? Ha! What a joke. Kip watched a pack of dragons, black specks in the sky, swirl and dive into the horizon. Dragons weren’t the only things in packs. Wolves roamed the Dark Mountain Range in abundance, and in the lucky event that a traveler didn’t run into those, there were ice trolls, bears, and moose to be wary of.

~ ~ ~

The afternoon didn’t go fast enough. Being part of the royal family, Kip, Fern, their mother, Rose, and father, Xavier the King, they had very little time during the day to converse. It wasn’t until dusk that they all met in the library, per usual. Kip’s face was beaming with the thought of flying to Ivory Harbor. Fern was always a little disappointed that since there were expensive rugs on the floor, her dog, Misty, couldn’t come in.

When Kip entered on this specific night, her father was sunk in his red-cushioned, bay-window seat, hands clasped in his lap. He mother was looking over Fern’s hands to make sure that they had been cleaned properly. Fern’s poochy lip was evidence enough that it wasn’t the most exciting of events. Kip let out a slight laugh which Fern returned by sticking out her tongue.

“It’s not so bad, Fern,” Kip teased. She remembered at that age, just a few years ago when she was in the same spot. She couldn’t say that she had had a much better attitude about it.

“Easy for you to say, Fern” said. “You get to go flying away for three weeks.”

Rose’s eyes shot toward Kip, and then swung to Xavier. “What?” She exclaimed. “You’re going to let her go?”

Xavier sat up in his chair, rubbing his eyes. “Yes.” He said.

Rose motioned to Fern that she could go read. Fern left in ten seconds. Kip advanced. “Mother, what’s wrong with me going?”

“Let me tell you what’s wrong wit-“

“Hold on a moment,” Xavier interrupted. “Rose, dear, she’ll be fine. She’ll be right by my side at all times. And if I’m pulled away by some meeting or other, she’s got Jumper. That dragon won’t let anyone near her that she doesn’t know. She’ll be safe. Besides, if she were my son I would be taking her. She’s got to do these things if she’s going to take over when I’m gone.”

Rose shook her head. “I know. She probably said that to you too, didn’t she? Xavier, I know she needs to learn how to run a country, but you could be putting her in serious danger, dragon to protect her or not.”

“Dear, it will be fine. Trust me.” Xavier said.

Rose dropped her head. “I trust you, you know that.Very well then, you young lady need some sleep,” she said, spinning on her heels towards Kip.

Kip was out of the room in a flash. Best to just sleep, or at least try to. The sooner morning came, the better.


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359 Reviews


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Mon Sep 21, 2015 7:51 pm
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steampowered wrote a review...



Hello, steampowered here for a review and to help rescue this from the Green Room! Let’s get started, shall we? :D

“Father, you and Mother are trying to prepare for being the queen, right?”


I got really confused by this bit. For some reason I thought this meant it was Kip’s mother who was preparing for being the queen, but then I realised I’d totally misunderstood. I’d suggest changing this to “prepare me for being the queen” so the meaning is made clearer.

Rose motioned to Fern that she could go read. Fern left in ten seconds.


I also wasn’t sure about this bit. Fern seems like a slightly rebellious character, but she leaves swiftly as soon as her mother gestures for her to go. I know she’s bored, but I feel like the idea that Kip gets to go off on an adventure would trigger some feeling of injustice and perhaps make her dig her heels in. Obviously I don’t know these characters half as well as you do, but that was just the vibe I got. Also, I didn’t really like the way you phrased the second sentence, and feel like “left at once” might be a better alternative, but obviously that’s just my opinion on the matter.

Rose shook her head. “I know. She probably said that to you too, didn’t she? Xavier, I know she needs to learn how to run a country, but you could be putting her in serious danger, dragon to protect her or not.”
“Dear, it will be fine. Trust me.” Xavier said.
Rose dropped her head. “I trust you, you know that.Very well then, you young lady need some sleep,” she said, spinning on her heels towards Kip.


I feel like Rose gives in very easily considering her daughter is going off somewhere potentially unsafe. I got the impression Rose thought Kip was hoodwinking her father somewhat with “She probably said that to you” so I feel like she should probably argue more. I suppose the king does has the final say because he’s the king, but it didn’t leave me with a huge amount of respect for Rose. In a situation like this, I’d have expected more of a parental argument.

Other than that, I enjoyed reading it, and feel free to let me know if you ever need more reviews! :D




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Sun Aug 30, 2015 4:11 pm
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PenguinAttack wrote a review...



Yo yo yo

So your characterisation. I'm going to be more critical/harsh/whatever now because it isn't improving like I assumed it would over time. Maybe because you've not had any reviews yet, or maybe because these chapters are very short so you're not getting too much time to develop your narrative or characters as yet.

But Kip is some kind of weird, stereotypical tomboy or some such that isn't fleshed out at all. You're telling us how she feels in an over-sharing kind of way without letting any sort of natural personality through. We get some, she obviously loves flying with Jumper and she has a good sense of where she'll be in the future, but that's literally all I know about her right now. My suggestion is to get rid of the internal monologues entirely. They're distracting and you're not using them for any other character at the moment. After that I suggest that you get rid of any narrative like "Best to just sleep, or at least try to." because this story is currently focusing on Kip but it isn't a first person narrative and it isn't really suited to it. If you want to write a young adult novel that focuses in the way you're doing now it would be considered, in terms of literacy, what I think Americans call middle grade? or something like that, a kind of 10-13 year old audience. You've got simple language, images and concepts, none of which are a problem if that's what your intention is. If your intention is for an older audience, you're missing it right now. I assume Kip is actually 16 or older? She doesn't read that way at all. The only reason I'm actually suggesting this is because you note Fern is 14 and that Kip recalls being younger, that's it. Her behaviour, thought process and language don't suit someone older at all. Or perhaps someone older but not very mature.

I'm not sure if that ramble helps you much, but I think it's something you should be considering. As always, thanks for posting.

- Penguin.





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