z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Is It a Dream? Chapter 4 Meeting the king

by Messenger


I entered the tower furious. Andrew attempted to calm me down but it did no good.

“This is so stupid! Why on earth would I be a sorcerer? This is . . .” I clenched my fists. “Why? What did I do? I don’t even know where I am!”

“Malachi, please sit down and listen.” Andrew said.

“No! Get out, leave me be.” I turned away, tears welling in my eyes.

“Listen, I think this is crazy. It happened rather fast, and I think the king should have something to say on the matter.”

“You really think that will help? Obviously everyone is against me.”

“No, not everyone. I believe you.”

I struggled to remain calm. “Why? It doesn’t make sense.”

“You prayed to God last night.”

“So?” I was confused what that had to do with anything.

“You had no way of knowing this, but there are very few Christians left here in Balasteen. I’m one of the few. So is the king’s daughter.”

I looked up. “Really?”

“Yes. Anyway, the only people who dare talk or pray to God are those who truly are Christians. You’re not faking that. And therefore I believe I should help you get out.”

“Wait, you’re saying that just because you heard me pray you are going to help me escape?” I asked, confused by it all.

“Yes. You see, Christians used to be free to worship God, but that all changed. People became angry about them. They said they were too bossy preaching about how eternal life could only come through Christ Jesus. Soon the Christians became persecuted and despised. Now only a few remain.”

“And so that’s why you’ll help me. Thank you God.” I said. He was still with me, protecting me all the way. “But how are you going to get me out?”

“First of all we are going to speak to the king. He may be able to help. He’s a reasonable and fair man. He should at least listen to what you have to say.”

“And if he doesn’t?”

“I have a friend named Mark, who will help you get out. The plan is this: tonight Mark is the head guard here in the tower. He will send the first guard out on some menial task, then take care of the second. He’ll then lead you out of the tower and up the nearby wall where I will be ready with a rope. You’ll scale down and head for the forest. Do you think you can get down the wall?”

“I should be able to. It actually sounds fun, but what do I do when I reach the forest?”

“Head straight in it. It’s mighty dark in there, but you can’t risk a light. Just keep going deeper in. Before long you should reach a cabin, or my friend there will find you. I’ll try to contact him to let him know you’re coming. If not just tell him I sent you.”

“This forest doesn’t sound very pleasant.” I said.

“It’s not pleasant, but it’s the only place I know where you can get help and a weapon.”

“Weapon? I guess this land isn’t very friendly.” I didn’t like the sound of this plan at all. But what else could I do, ask him to Andrew to figure out another one?

“Now, I must go before someone gets suspicious of me being in here so long. I’ll try to get a meeting with the king. He spends most afternoons answering people’s questions, giving them advice and such.”

I gratefully shook his hand. “You are a great friend. Thank you.”

He left and I knelt at my bedside. “Dear Jesus, thank you so much for Andrew helping me. Thank you for not abandoning me. Give me strength and faith. Amen.”

A tear of gratefulness slipped to the stone floor and splattered. I prayed our plan wouldn't.

~~~~~~~~~~

Three hours later Andrew returned.

“I requested a meeting the king and he has agreed to meet with you.”

I stood and followed him out of the tower across a bustling marketplace, to the center of the fortified city. Four tall towers connected by twenty foot-high walls marked the area of the king’s personal quarters. The whole area was five-hundred square yards. A main building in the center- painted white- had four entrances paved from each side, each lined with flowers and open spaces of lush grass.

We entered the nearest iron-studded door and walked down a hallway to door. Andrew opened it and stepped in.

Unlike what I had expected, the king’s visitor room was quite simple. It was a twenty square foot room, carpeted, with a large slightly decorated chair at the end. Two guards sat on either side of the chair, dressed in similar clothing to the castle guards But each had a black plume signifying them as the king’s personal guards.

Again unlike what I thought would happen, the king arrived less than a minute after us. Most kings would have arrived nearly half an hour later after their visitors -it was custom to do so, at least that's how it was when on earth I read history of this time period. but it was apparent that the king cared more for his citizens than for a custom. The king was a tall man. He had dark hair, and deep blue eyes that looked as if they knew what you were thinking.

I walked forward accompanied by Andrew. We bowed to the king then stood back up. He took his seat.

I noticed Jennifer also slide behind the king. I assumed she was the king’s daughter.

Andrew spoke first. “Your Majesty, I have brought this boy here in the hopes that he may plead for his life. He has been accused of being a sorcerer, as you have been informed. He asks that you listen to him, and I would like to include that I myself believe his story.”

The king looked at me with those eyes. I squirmed. I wasn’t sure what to say, but before I could think of what to say, he talked in a tone with authority. To me he seemed like everything a king should be like.

“Ah yes, I was informed earlier this afternoon. But I was upset to hear that you arrived last night. I wish I had been told. But what can I do for you? The meeting in the Room of Decisions has happened. You have been convicted.”

“Yes, but couldn't you change that?” I asked.

The king chuckled. “I may be king, but besides me, those men in the Room of Decisions have the most power. By now the whole town knows of you. I would risk a riot if I released you.”

I sighed and stared at the floor. “Then excuse me Your Majesty. Andrew, please lead me back to the tower.”

Andrew replied surprised. “But we just arrived. You could at least ask the king to perhaps lighten your sentence.”

“Why? I don’t want to live alone in a jail my whole life.”

“Very well.”

I saw Jennifer lean over and whisper to the king. He looked back at me.

“Please, don’t believe I wish this to happen,” the king interrupted, “but what can I do?” his voice sounded sincere, but I angrily turned around.

“Let me go. I haven’t done anything to harm anybody.”

“How about those guards yesterday?”

“That was because I was convicted of something I am not. Besides I still used no special powers.”

“True, but you might be doing this for a reason. You might have some scheme behind all this.”

“I don’t even know how I got here!” I tried to keep my voice level. “How in the world could I have a scheme?”

“Well then how did you get here?”

That did it. I had been pushed too far for me to take anymore. All this talk and no one believing me, and everything else, had been too much.

“I don’t know!” I exploded, my face turning red and my breathing coming in short gasps. “And if I could leave I would!”

The king was taken aback by my eruption, and frankly I would normally have been to. But unlike I expected, he didn’t get angry, or leave the room, or have me leave the room. He simply leaned over to hear what Jennifer had to say about it. He nodded and stood up.

“If there was anything I could do to prevent your death without turning the kingdom into chaos, then I would. If I must understand your position, I wish you would understand mine.”

I calmed down. I knew what the king said was true.

“I’m sorry Your Majesty, please forgive me. Please excuse me.”

Andrew and I bowed and turned to leave. I saw Jennifer look straight at me. She seemed to be telling me something. Before I could think, we were out of the room. Andrew led me out and back to the tower.

“It was worth a try Chi, but the king was right. It would start a riot if he let you go. The people here really believe you’re a sorcerer. If the king let you go they would panic.” Andrew said, leading me into my room.

“I haven’t even done anything to prove I’m a sorcerer!”

I kicked the table in my room. It clattered across the room, breaking as it collided with the wall. Then I slumped on the bed realizing I had let my emotions take over the situation. I calmed down, praying to God for strength and comfort.

“I’m sorry Andrew.”

“I would have done the same thing, not that it was the right thing to do. But don’t worry. You’re going get out of here tonight.”

He left me sitting on the bed. My head hurt from the past few minutes and I lay down. I began to breathe normally and closed my eyes. I would need to be ready for tonight. Even though Andrew sounded sure I would get out I still had a feeling it wouldn't be all that easy. I made sure my dagger was under my bed where I had left it. I might need to use it tonight, I thought.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
863 Reviews


Points: 29221
Reviews: 863

Donate
Sun Feb 02, 2014 1:06 am
View Likes
Morrigan wrote a review...



Hello there! I'm here to review!

You have a good start and ending of this chapter. The starting point grabs my attention. The last point doesn't make me itch for the next chapter, waiting to find out if someone lives or dies, but it does make me want to read more. It's a good balance to have (and I hate cliffhangers :) ).

I don't think there are any huge issues with the writing style, the pacing, or the plot, but I would like to address your grammar today. There are many missing commas and tenses of words that cannot be described as correct. That's what I'll be focusing on today.

Additions/corrections will be made in orange
Sections that should be omitted will be [strike]struck out[/strike]

I entered the tower furious.
As you have it right now, grammatically, "furious" refers to tower, as if "furious" was the tower's name. It is the same as if you said, "I yelled at the hobbit Frodo." So here, you need to change "furious" to "furiously" to make it apply to "entered." Though there is an easier, more concise way to say the same thing. You could make your verb stronger and have no need of an adverb. You could say "I stormed into the tower," or "I raged into the tower," or whatever else you can think of. Adverbs are not often needed; only strong verbs are always needed.

Andrew attempted to calm me down, but it did no good.


“This is so stupid! Why on earth would I be a sorcerer? This is


“Malachi, please sit down and listen,” Andrew said.


“You have
no way of knowing this,[/quote]

I asked, confused [strike]by it all[/strike].


People became angry about them.
Be specific about which people were angered by the Christians.

“[strike]And[/strike] so that’s why you’ll help me. Thank you[color=orange], God,” I said.


“First of all, we are going to speak to the king.


The plan is this: tonight, Mark


“Head straight into it.


Just keep going deeper [strike]in[/strike].
(don't end sentences in prepositions)

If I haven't, just tell him I sent you.


But what else could I do, ask him to Andrew to figure out another one?

I don't know if that's a typo there, so I won't try to use my grammar magic on it.

“I requested a meeting the king, and he has agreed to meet with you.”


followed him out of the tower, across a bustling marketplace,and into the center


walked down a hallway to a door.


clothing to the castle guards, but each had a black plume, signifying


I walked forward, accompanied by Andrew. We bowed to the king, then stood back up.


I noticed Jennifer [strike]also[/strike] slide behind the king.


Besides, I still used no special powers


“Well then, how did you get here?”


All this talk when no one believes me, and everything else, had been too much.
Be a little more specific when you say "and everything else"

“And if I could leave, I would!”


and frankly, I would normally have been, too.


But unexpectedly, he didn’t get angry,


“I’m sorry, Your Majesty


It was worth a try, Chi,


If the king let you go, they would panic,” Andrew said


Then I slumped on the bed, realizing


“I’m sorry, Andrew.”


My head hurt from the past few minutes, so I lay down.
Because it's a cause and effect thing, you should use "so" instead of "and" there.

Even though Andrew sounded sure I would get out, I still


Altogether, just brush up on your comma usage, really. I liked reading this, and I hope you continue to write more chapters. I can't wait to see where it goes! Happy writing!




User avatar
109 Reviews


Points: 7831
Reviews: 109

Donate
Fri Sep 27, 2013 11:54 pm
ajruby12 wrote a review...



Nice job on this! Again, a couple "style commas" that were absent that broke up the flow a bit.. But a very nice job all in all. But you just keep breaking it off in the middle of the action, which I know is completely on purpose, but.. Yeah! Good job once again and can't wait to read your next chapter!

-Lady Ariana, The Silver Knight




User avatar
187 Reviews


Points: 13001
Reviews: 187

Donate
Wed Sep 25, 2013 9:42 pm
PeanutPhoebe wrote a review...



Great job!! I can't wait to read some more. Ok, first things first. I did notice some typos in various things. Mostly punctuational. The formatting could be a little better, but that's ok. None of the paragraphs were indented, which confused me at first. I don't think that's necessary though. I would have liked a little more explanation on the part where Jennifer talks to the king. I really like it, it's interesting and just seems to draw you in. I like all the twists in the plot. Keep writing!!




TheMessenger says...


Been busy so I haven't gotten to replying to your reviews until now.
OK, some of the punctuation might be commas called style commas, and I would talk to Michael about that.
I don't have a lot of detail with Jennifer, because since it is from my point of view I don't really notice much more than what I wrote.
Thanks for the review.




If I seem to wander, if I seem to stray, remember that true stories seldom take the straightest way.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind