That happens often and that absolutely sucks.
This was a hilarious showing of what can and sometimes does happen when writers are at the brink of something great.
"Jesse come on!"
Jess waved back distractedly, not bothering to turn to her brother.
"Jess, we've been here for ever." Jason said, huffing.
In reality it had only been an hour, but to Jason it seemed like five. He rested his elbows against the cart, waiting impatiently for his older sister, and mother. Twenty seconds went by, and then another twenty.
"Jess,"
"What? Mom isn't ready anyway."
Jason looked over at his mother. She was going through about a dozen shirts, hanging them to her arm if she liked them.
"Mom."
No response.
"Mom? Mom . . . mom?"
Jason's mom looked up, wiping a wisp of her auburn hair away from her eyes. "Yes Jason?"
"We've been here at least two hours." Jason sad, hoping his mom would catch the drift.
"That long? No, it's only been about one. Besides, I'm almost done." she said, looking from her phone to the shirts.
"Mom you say that every time."
Jason was dying to get home, and for a good reason: he was cooking up a perfect plot for the ending of his novella, and he was itching to get to his laptop.
Jason's mom headed towards the dressing rooms.
"Oh on, no mom please?"
"Jason, I can't know if I like these shirts without trying them on. You stay put, and Jess watch him. I will be right back."
Jason ran his hand through his sandy-colored hair, and sighed. Jess smiled.
"Don't you dare run off again Jason," she teased.
Jason smirked. "Very funny sis. You realize that have a perfect ending to complete my book?"
She smiled. "Don't worry Jason. You can write well. It won't disappear."
Jason looked at the nearby dressing rooms. "What if I die of old age?"
They both laughed, and then Jesse went back to looking at the sweater she had been contemplating on for the past twenty minutes. Jason just sat, thinking of his story ending. He was having a moment of deep inspiration. These were the times when he wrote best.
So Gildon shoots Ardevun with her bow, and Cartel can jump up and bash the guard in the face. Then several more rush in and he fights his way out. Then the two hero/ines meet in the next cave chamber, and then run out.They get chased and just barely make it out to the ship there for there getaway.
But what if Cartel gets injured and Gildon tries to help and gets captured. No, she wouldn't risk it would she? She's more the sensible get-a-plan heroine, isn't she. But if she truly loves Cartel, wouldn't she just rush in?
Yeah, and then they can get taken back to Hurdin and almost get executed. But how do they escape? Should Cartel die? No. that would make it all pointless, and Gildon would have wasted her life on a now-dead person. But would it be a picture of true love? Man! What does love have to do with it. I have too much of it in their don't I? Maybe I should revise some of the romantic scenes.
Jason's mind began mulling over all the possibilities and was so engrossed with it that he jumped when Jess tapped him on the hand. She smiled.
"Deep in thought? Nah, that can't be. You're only fifteen, there can't be anything in that brain to think about can there?"
"Ha.Ha.Ha." Jason replied, following Jesse and their mom towards the checkout.
Jason looked into the cart. He saw no shirts.
"Mom, I thought you were going to buy some of those shirts?"
"well I didn't like the green, red, and blue ones, and when I tried the others on I saw the tags and realized that they are too expensive. We'll have to go another store."
Jason walked ahead of his mom. "Can you drop me off at the house, please?" he said, nearly pleading. What was he thinking? He was begging!
His mom nodded. "Sure, I didn't know you were in such a hurry."
Jason mumbled something and Jesse laughed out loud. Their mom didn't seem to notice anything. They checked out, and Jason was glad to see that Jess had bought the sweater. At least that time wasn't all wasted as well. The went to their car, piled the groceries in, and then Jason slid into the back seat.
He sat fidgeting excitedly. Jesse looked back.
"Chill dude. We are on the way home."
Jason nodded. "Yeah, and about time too."
They talked on the way home, and when they reached the double-story house, carried the groceries into the house. Jason sad hi to his dad who was sitting on the couch with his laptop, papers for his work surrounding him. His Dad replied, and then smiled when Jason's mom walked in the room.
"Hi Honey," Jason's mom said.
Jason placed the grocery bags on the table and headed straight for his room. He was finally about to get some time alone to write! Then he heard a crash! He winced and turned around. Jesse was frowning, looking down at a broken jar of pickles. The juice splashed over the floor and Jess grabbed a kitchen towel, trying to mop the mess up. Jason turned for his room.
"Jason, help your sister clean up the spill."
Jason nearly started hyperventilating when his mother said that. But he went and did it.
"Good job Jess," he whispered to her.
"she smiled back. "Yes indeed. Now, clean it up while I go get some spray."
Jason mopped up what he could and waited for Jess. She finally came back and said she would finish up cleaning. Jason dashed to his room and flicked open his laptop. His fingers pranced excitedly over the keyboard as he laptop awoke, humming softly. Finally the screen appeared, he typed in the password, and double-clicked on Microsoft Word.
"Yes." He did an arm pump. "Now we're talking."
He opened his book file and scrolled to the bottom. "Now, what was the plan? Gildon shoots and misses . . ." Jason sighed.
No! I forgot it! no! No,no,no.
He frantically tried to remember what it was he had had planned but just couldn't remember. Then when he finally did he couldn't think of the words. Inspiration was gone.
That happens often and that absolutely sucks.
This was a hilarious showing of what can and sometimes does happen when writers are at the brink of something great.
Squire r4 here to review your work
Here are a few errors I thought should be corrected. "Jason mumbled something and Jesse laughed out loud. Their mom didn't seem to notice anything." First of all you can't really laugh any other way then out loud. Secondly I think that a mom would notice laughing and muttering right? ""she smiled back." There should not be a quotation mark there. "Now, clean it up while I go get some spray." What kind of spray. Try to be more specific. "No,no,no." It would be better if you put exclaimation marks! "Inspiration was gone." this should be, "The inspiration was gone. As it is it makes it sound like "inspiration" is a person.
I must say this is an interesting story. I especially liked the entire scene in the store. You said you had a hard time writing humor but this is one of the times where you actually did a pretty good job of it. I also like how the ending is so anticlimactic/disappointing though somehow it seems climactic. I am certainly glad this had never happened to me before! *sighs of relief*
All in all you did a pretty good job. I remember a long you told me about this story a long time ago. Happy writing!
Flame here! I'm on a quest to review random works from the past 
. Oh, and congratulations on winning Review Day!
This was an enjoyable read. You've really captured teen fiction well. Sentence variation, limited use of adverbs and dependent clauses, unelaborate (but unblunt) descriptions. The pacing is also well-measured, the exposition developing nicely.
I'm just not too keen about the beginning. To be honest, "come on, we've got to go!" is overused, and it hints at a simple style. The best (and easiest) way to hook the reader is a peculiar statement. Not description, not an onomatopoeia, not a question, not a thrilling chase scene, not a dream...
John Green, for instance, wrote "Late in the winter of my seventeenth year, my mother decided I was depressed, presumably because I rarely left the house, spent quite a lot of time in bed, read the same book over and over, ate infrequently, and devoted quite a bit of my abundant free time to thinking about death."
He left us all hungry for more. Why was the narrator depressed? Why did he/she (turned out to be a "she") "devote quite a bit of [her] abundant free time [thinking] about death?"
You want the reader to be asking multiple questions. Not just "where are they going?".
That aside, though, this was well-written. My eyes were glued to the screen the entire length of the piece. My only other nitpicks are grammar--no issues with the plot or characters.
I did catch some grammar mistakes. Nothing too significant, nothing that really drastically affects the meaning of the piece. Just a good thing to get out of the way. But I won't name them all, as most seem to be typos.
"Jesse come on!"
...sister, and mother.
"Mom . . . mom?"
...good reason: he was...
"Ha.Ha.Ha."
"Hi Honey"
"she smiled back.
He did an arm pump.
.
Hi there! Lucrezia here for a post-Review Day review. 
This was great! I think it's such a simple and realistic premise all of us young writers and YWSers can relate to. Props for that.
The pacing was nice, and even though it was short, your character development was super good. The MC and sister were both interesting, and their dialogue was also very realistic.
The whole thing was delicious in its simplistic charm. I honestly really enjoyed and related to it. Well done!
Now, the boring nitpicks:
"Jess,"
Jason sad
I can't know if I like these shirts, without trying them on.
I ran my hand through my sandy-colored hair
They both laughed,and then Jesse
nah, that can't be. You're only fifteen, there can't be anything in that brain to think about can there?
well I didn't like the green,red,and blue one, and when I tried the others on I saw the tags and realized that they are too expensive.
"she smiled back.
He frantically tried to remember what it was he had had planned but just couldn't remember. Then when he finally did he couldn't think of the words. Inspiration was gone.
Hey!! Peanutphoebe here to review!! Okay, so I assume this was written rather quickly, since there are more grammatical mistakes than usual. Most of them are things like skipping an "e" or "y" in "they" or adding an "e" to the end of "Jess". There are a few others, so is suggest to just tea it through carefully. Also, there are several punctuational mistakes as well, which can also be fixed by reading it again. It flows pretty well, and sounds like something that you would do. I know that's happened to me. Oh yes, one more technical thing. In the entire piece, you use the omniscient narrator form, but at one part you put a sentence in first person. "I ran my hand through my sandy colored hair and sighed." I think you should change that to "Jason ran his hand through his sandy colored hair and sighed." That way you won't break up the flow. Overall, it was funny and really good. Keep writing!!
Hey! ajruby12 here!
Alright, technical mistakes first..
"and for a good reason: he was"
""Oh on, no mom please?"
"the sensible get-a-plan heroin, isn't she. But if sh truly loves "
" it in their don't ."
"story house, carried the groceries into the house"
"what it was he had had"
""she smiled back. "Yes indeed. Now, clean it up while I go get some spray."
(I'm sure you can figure out what's wrong with each of these.)
Overall, I liked the story a bunch! It was slightly humerous and actually sorta believable. (So not normal for you.) Anyway, there was also a few areas that didn't flow very well due to punctuation. And also a few capitalization errors I didn't add in here. So some technical work would really help this! (Fun, huh?)
- Lady Ariana, The Silver Knight
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