Young Writers Society

I enjoyed the concept of this poem, but I had some things that stuck out and made it hard to read and enjoy. One, it was a little bit to repetitive; it mentioned the same word and phrases to much. Secondly, I would focus less on rhyming, although it does make the poem flow, it takes away from what you could make this into. I sense at times the rhyme worked really well, and it really fit the flow, but sometimes I saw you just trying to grasp for a rhyme, and poetry is all about rhyming. Lastly, Try varying your verses to cover different topics while still remaining on the same topic(instead of starting with Hallelujah on each sentence you could vary it.) Maybe you should start each stanza with the word Hallelujiah and then build on that. But overall it was a good concept, and a well written poem, but I think changing those few things could make it really spectacular.

Hello NightWolf here to review your poem.

I really like this poem, it portrays to me a clear message of the sacrifices God made for us. It's an important topic, and you have shown it brilliantly.

You have a bit of a rhyming scheme here, though sometimes it seems a little forced. If you can't think of a rhyme, don't add one, because then it will sound better. Trust me.

The flow is perfect, so no need to comment further on this.

I love the repetition of Hallelujah, it works really well in this poem.

I see no grammatical errors, so congratulations.

I liked this a lot, and it is quite apparent you are a gifted poet. Keep it up.

I have no idea why I decided to read this one above all else. I think it's likely because I'd like to try reviewing every single genre for experience's sake. Anyway, I did enjoy this little piece, so no regrets there. I am The Raven, Squire of the Knights of the Green Room, and I will be reviewing this piece. While I am agnostic, I will not let my beliefs turn me into a biased bigot. I will review this for its merits or otherwise, its lack of merits. My review will be divided up into the What Is Good and What Needs Improvement/Suggestions sections. Now, let's get down to business...

What Is Good:
1) You have some good devices going there. Some rhyming sequence, a recurring motif in the form of your stanzas. It can be catchy, no problem there. I like the unconventional sentence structure laid consistently throughout the poem. I believe it gets the reader to pay attention to the poem, as it requires a little more brain power to interpret them. It also lends some authority to your poem, as it demonstrates a degree of skill in the grasp of the language.

What Needs Improvement/Suggestions:
1) Related to the above point. Since you have been using proper poetic devices to convey meaning in this poem, why not go all the way? Your metre, for the time being, is unstable. There's no metre to speak of. Why not put a metrical system in there to give it a little more boost in the authority section? Not to mention, it might make your poem all the more melodious, since it appears to be what you're aiming for?

2) That said, the word 'Hallelujah' is highly disruptive to what little metrical system you have. As it is a recurring word, it disrupts due to the fact that it is placed in lines of varying length and number of syllables. However, you could turn this around by managing it. Since it is a recurring word, you'll at least have the assurance that there is always at least 4 iambic/trochee syllables to play with in the first two lines of every stanza. Research on the terms if you're unsure of them.

3) A major problem in the content of your poem is that it is far too straightforward and obvious. Nothing is being left to the imagination. It requires minimal brainpower to read. Why not show us why God is worth so much of our praise? Rather than telling us that we should worship him? Why is God king? Why should we trust only God? Why will he win? My recommendation is to expand this further. This poem could be the basis of something bigger. Heck, you could even be the next epic poet if you want, and this could become an epic in its own right!

4) Related to the above point, as a result, this becomes more propaganda than poetry. To dispel this, lay everything out - the Christian bible, the Christian belief system, everything. The difference between propaganda and poetry is that poetry lets people think and decide for themselves the significance of said poetry, allowing themselves to improve/alter their way of thinking from hence on, while propaganda requires no brainpower to process because it tells the readers everything they should think about, and how they should think.

5) A minor language issue...

Hallelujah! To resurrect on high.