Violence

Fury in the Wind chp. 3 - All the Djoni horses, all the Wsiwan men

*Djoni – JO-NEE, *Dedimi – DEH—DIH-MY

The battalion was ready to move an hour after first light, but Devlin was up long before that. Despite Farrin’s assurance that he would help, there was still a deep-seated worry that the king would not care about his request, or that General Longshanks would deny his transfer. There were too many details left up to chance. But he had no choice, and so he was already waiting along the road out of camp, all his gear secured on his Djoni mare, eager to get moving.

The whole encampment was a sea of activity. Horses and mean alike hurried back and forth, kicking up dust and snow. There was the jingling of reins and harnesses, the clanging of shields and weapons being tied off on saddles, and the grumbles of those who found rising before dawn to be of the devil.

The aroma of coffee swirled in the morning breeze, mixed with the smell of horses and hay. It was a bittersweet reminder of home. A delicacy here on the Velhurland mainland, but was a staple back in Wsiwa, covering many of the shores with orchards full of the dark, aromatic bean. Personally, Devlin found it to be bitter and believed that if a man needed coffee to be functional, he was worth no more than a cup of the hot stuff.

Gobi was entirely different.

“Morning Sunshine,” he said. He was coming up the road, steaming mug in hand with a bag of dried nuts hanging off his belt.

He offered a bright smile and the bag of nuts to Devlin, who took a handful.

“I’ve almost forgotten what that is,” Devlin said. He looked up at the dreary ash-colored clouds above. “It’ll come back eventually, won’t it?”

Gobi chuckled, blowing on his coffee before taking a swig. He gave a satisfied sigh of approval and then let out a sharp whistle. Amidst the rows of troops passing by, his golden gelding came trotting forward, jangling with all his supplies. His lance, like Devlin’s, was tucked in a leather strap on the hindquarters of the horses. The red-and-white pennants at the base of Gobi’s spearhead fluttered softly.

“Could you be less inconspicuous?” Devlin rolled his eyes.

Gobi laughed and took the reins of his obedient gelding. “Sorry. Does my mighty steed remind you of your inadequacies with both the horse and the lance?”

“Your horse reminds me of exactly why I have no desire to be on, or near, one. You failed to notice, but he trampled three men on his way here just to prove your little party trick.”

The grin left Gobi’s face, and he leaned back, looking down the column to see what destruction he had left in his equestrian wake. Now it was Devlin’s turn to finally smile.

“Just kidding.”

“Oh, ha ha, very amusing. You just decided to get some semblance of humor, eighteen years into this existence?”

Devlin put his hands up in defense. “Believe me, the humor has been all around you, you’re just a little slow on the uptake tick.” He tightened his leather gloves and mounted his horse with slight trepidation. “Now, finish your wake-up call of a drink, and let’s get moving.”

Gobi took a deep swig. “You sure you don’t want to try some? You have no idea what you’re missing out on.”

“The day I need an elixir to wake myself is the day I’d rather fall over dead.”

Gobi finished his drink off, shook the remnants out on the road and jammed the cup in one of his saddlebags. He deftly mounted his horse.

“The day you die, I’ll drink a cup in your honor.”

“I’d rather you just make sure my father is freed, and my mother is taken care of,” Devlin dryly said.

Gobi shuddered. “Are you always this cheerful?”

“Someone’s got to keep up morale,” Devlin said. He spurred his horse ahead, picking up to a trot.

Gobi hollered from behind. “You know what’s good for morale? A nice song of home. Am I right folks?”

He was met with a smattering of groans and half-hearted insults from those around him. Unfortunately for them, that was just the encouragement he needed. But before he got the first word out, Amarro came rumbling up from behind, bleary-eyed and disheveled. His helmet was on crooked and his saddle looked like it may slide off if he moved left or right of dead center.

“Shove it. Leave that to the Fancy Fool.”

“Oh, what’s the matter Amarro, you not sleep so well?”

“On the contrary, I slept like a stone.” He lowered his voice and squinted his eyes in pain. “Unfortunately, I got up feeling like a stone as well.”

“Jubilating Amarro? I thought you wanted action. You crave adventure!” Gobi put his hand above his head in a raised fist.

“That I do, but if we won’t see any at this pass, I might as well enjoy the fine drink and food offered to us by our gracious hosts while I don’t have to spare the coin for it. Sounds like we will not be needing the sharp focus that Longshanks has been screaming into our ears these past months.”

Gobi’s cheerful demeanor lessened at that. “You do know that you still will have to ride up a mountain on a horse that’s barely bigger than yourself. Look at the poor thing, I think she’s laboring already.”

Amarro grumbled and rode past, swaying in his saddle. Gobi shook his head and chuckled. Someone would need to make sure he didn’t fall down a ravine or into some creek bed. Gobi hurried his gelding and caught up to Devlin near the front of the column, which was now moving in full force, leaving the camp, and the Royal City in the dust, figuratively. In truth, it was so cold and snowy that there was little dust to kick up once they got on the road.

Devlin heard his approach but didn’t look back. His mother always told him to look forward. When things were at their darkest, and there was no hope to be found, she would always point to the horizon, at dusk and at dawn, and she would remind him that tomorrow was a new day, and hope would be waiting in its wings on the sunrays. He wasn’t sure, but he believed that she truly thought it was hope that warmed their faces, the opportunity for things to get better.

Devlin had shrugged off most of that. Circumstances only got better when people were willing to take action and change them. Like his dad had tried to do. Like he was doing now. Together they could change everything for his mother, and for their country. His hope wasn’t in any sunless morning like this one;, it was in his hands, and the strength of his heart. He would climb whatever mountain, swim any channel, and fight any foe.

“Apologies for intruding your brooding,” Gobi said. He chuckled at his unintentional rhyme. “No need to rush this. It’s a good two weeks to Hoden’s Pass. Probably more with stops for provisions.”

“Then there isn’t a moment to waste,” Devlin said.

“You know, a lot can change in two weeks. For instance, we could make you a respectable rider. I presume that we were never meant to see any action, hence the lack of equestrian training. But, if we’re going to be on these ‘unruly beasts’ as you so fondly refer to them, for an extended period, we should get you comfortable on your steed. What do you call her?”

“A horse.”

Gobi chuckled. “Yes. I’m well aware of what she is. But what’s her name.”

Devlin looked back at him. “She doesn’t have one. She’s just an animal.”

Gobi covered his own gelding’s ears with his hands. “Shame on you,” he hissed. “Every animal deserves a name.” He leaned down by his own horse’s ear. “Don’t listen to a thing he says Karim, he’s just a grouchy old man.”

“We’re less than a year apart,” Devlin scoffed.

Gobi nodded. “Yes, and yet I seem to be the mature one.”

“Do I need to remind you of the woeful excuse for singing you were about to perform before we’ve even had a proper breakfast?”

Gobi wagged his finger. “You’re trying to get me off subject. In the sincerest way I know how, I am telling you that your mare needs a name. She’s far too beautiful to go by ‘Horse’ for the rest of her illustrious and wonderful life.”

Devlin blew out a deep breath. He wasn’t getting out of this one. Gobi would hang on like a dedimi no matter what he said. He was his closest, tightest friend, often too tight if Devlin had his way. He sighed.

“Fine, uh, Tulith?”

“Tulith?” Gobi’s face wrinkled in disgust. “You mean like the old ghoul back home? You know she never did like me?”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have been such a nuisance,” Devlin said, meeting Gobi’s eyes.

“One day you’ll thank me for my close company,” he said, shrugging off the jest. “Confound it man!” He slapped his pommel. “You must have something lovelier to name her? She’s pure bred, her sandy coat and black mane shine even on cloudy days such as this. She’s strong, sturdy, and your most swift confidant. She’s been with you every step of your journey to these shores. And she’ll be with you for many more.”

Devlin muttered something incoherent. Why did naming a wily horse matter? They scared him as a child. Or perhaps it was the Astorian troops mounted on them with flashing armor and sharpened steel. Either way, he never trusted the men or the horses. He supposed that wasn’t this particular mare’s fault though.

“Give me some time to think on it.”

Gobi was about to object, but Devlin held up a hand. “I promise, I will give it a name fit for royalty.”

Gobi smiled mischievously. “Very well, you have until we reach Hoden’s Pass.”

Devlin stuck out his hand and they shook on it.

“Now,” Devlin said, rubbing his stomach, “do you have any real food on you, or just coffee beans?”

Comments & reviews · 2
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Random avatar
Ravena
Review
Ravena wrote a review · Mon Jun 30, 2025 4:18 pm

Hello Again, My Friend!

It’s me, Raven, and I’m here to review the next chapter in this great story, using my Familiar method! Let’s dive right in, shall we?

What The Black Eyes See
~ A full analysis and breakdown


Alright! Here we get to see Gobi and Devlin setting out on their mission, hoping Ferrin will keep his word and that the pieces will fall in place. Let's get into the details though.

Plot and Pacing: Great! Nice and simple, short yet sweet, this opened a lot of space for some fun banter to explore the characters' casual sides, and glean some insight into both Devlin's backstory and how everyone functions as teammates. I like that!

Descriptions and Setting: Lovely!! You established such a nice atmosphere, and I love moments like tying Devlin's nostalgia into the smell of coffee in the air.

Characterization: I like this further exploration of Devlin's character, and why he keeps such a straightforward, headstrong demeanor. It seems like Gobi is the only one who can even try getting him to lighten up, slow down, and appreciate the little things like the coffee and provisions, or even his own horse.

Grammar and Wording: Overarchingly? Looks great!

Where The Dagger Points
~ Some nitpicks and little recommendations


Now for minor stuff like typos and the like, and there' not much to put here at all! Let’s break it down…

Horses and mean alike hurried back and forth, kicking up dust and snow.


Looks like a tiny typo here, where it says "mean" instead of "men."

Gobi hurried his gelding and caught up to Devlin near the front of the column, which was now moving in full force, leaving the camp, and the Royal City in the dust, figuratively.


This is especially tiny, purely my opinion, and touches on one of the most hotly-contended topics in writing, so please take this with an extra grain of salt. I feel like this sentence was a bit heavy with the commas, creating some odd pauses as I read. Perhaps dropping the one after "camp" and maybe even replacing the one after "dust" with a dash—to imply a snappier conjunction?

That’s all! And again, this is just my opinion of course. Great writing job!

Why The Grin Widened
~ My reactions, theories, and favorite parts


Theories, theories, hm...Right now, I am still suspicious of Ferrin. And I have this feeling that he's either not going to keep his word, or he's overestimating his degree of influence and won't be able to help Devlin after all. Why? I couldn't tell you if I tried, it's just the feeling I'm getting right now lol.

Anyway! Onto highlights and reactions, starting with...

There was the jingling of reins and harnesses, the clanging of shields and weapons being tied off on saddles, and the grumbles of those who found rising before dawn to be of the devil.


"of the devil" LOL, it does feel that way sometimes!!

The aroma of coffee swirled in the morning breeze, mixed with the smell of horses and hay. It was a bittersweet reminder of home. A delicacy here on the Velhurland mainland, but was a staple back in Wsiwa, covering many of the shores with orchards full of the dark, aromatic bean.


Big points for descriptions! So vivid—love the sensory notes, and the little world-building details here.

“Oh, ha ha, very amusing. You just decided to get some semblance of humor, eighteen years into this existence?”


LOL! Loving this banter!

When things were at their darkest, and there was no hope to be found, she would always point to the horizon, at dusk and at dawn, and she would remind him that tomorrow was a new day, and hope would be waiting in its wings on the sunrays.


Ooo, I love this line!! And the visuals it evokes are so pretty!!

Together they could change everything for his mother, and for their country. His hope wasn’t in any sunless morning like this one[;] it was in his hands, and the strength of his heart. He would climb whatever mountain, swim any channel, and fight any foe.


[Minor typo I didn't catch at first, just an extra comma after "one" there]. Love this as a way to tell us more about Devlin's basic line of thinking. Straight to the point, no nonsense, for the good of his family and his country. Respectable!

Gobi covered his own gelding’s ears with his hands. “Shame on you,” he hissed. “Every animal deserves a name.” He leaned down by his own horse’s ear. “Don’t listen to a thing he says Karim, he’s just a grouchy old man.”


Lol, this chapter gave me a new appreciation for Gobi, he was so cool and fun throughout the whole thing. And this point made me laugh. I mean, he's not wrong either! A horse deserves a name!

Devlin muttered something incoherent. Why did naming a wily horse matter? They scared him as a child. Or perhaps it was the Astorian troops mounted on them with flashing armor and sharpened steel. Either way, he never trusted the men or the horses. He supposed that wasn’t this particular mare’s fault though.

“Give me some time to think on it.”


I loved that little exploration of Devlin's memory with horses and soldiers, and why he's not fond of them. But yay, at least he agreed to name his mare!

Our Mad Thoughts...


Overall, that was another awesome chapter! Nicely done! :D


Thus concludes my review. To leave off, here are some inspiring quotes, courtesy of your resident Poe freak ~

"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."

User avatar
pixels
Review
pixels wrote a review · Mon Jun 30, 2025 12:32 am

Yippee!

From the first paragraph, I know who Devlin is. I think you have a strong control of your characters. There’s great tension between duty and doubt, between being prepared and knowing how little control he actually has. For instance:

Despite Farrin’s assurance that he would help, there was still a deep-seated worry…


This is exactly the kind of internal layering that makes a character worth following. Devlin doesn’t wait because he’s eager, he waits because he's nervous. And he hates that about himself. It's obvious through the way he talks and acts. It’s such a clean, believable mindset for a character.

By contrast, Gobi is electric. He’s the type of character who would be infuriating to travel with, and irreplaceable when he’s gone. He brings light to the tension, but not in a shallow way; his humor matters. It’s part of how Devlin stays human. I think Gobi is a great foil for him!

Believe me, the humor has been all around you, you’re just a little slow on the uptake tick.


I love this sentence! It’s that kind of shorthand that builds character relationship without pausing the narrative. That’s hard to do, but you do it naturally here.

Though, there are some typos and clarity issues. For example:

Horses and mean alike hurried back and forth…


Here, "mean" should be “men.” A small thing, but it does pop out. I would suggest going through and looking for little errors like that.

“Gobi hurried his gelding and caught up to Devlin near the front of the column, which was now moving in full force, leaving the camp, and the Royal City in the dust, figuratively.


This sentence runs a bit long, and I think it stumbles with “figuratively.” It would be easier to rewrite this sentence, since the meaning is lost on me. It tries to accomplish too much in a shorter chapter. How can you show all of these ideas individually? Too much action is distracting.

Loving this story so far, though! :) Good job!



Life is like a bag of potatoes, it starts out rough, but can turn into something beautiful (and yummy).
— Ley