Young Writers Society

These are both perfect!

Hi, hello there! This is Ina speaking. I am here to give you a little comment/review. I know this is old but let's give it a try.

I think these poems are very suitable for the month. But I think you should write more. Both poems are okay, a little weird in some lines but overall they're okay. You should continue on this if you like but if you don't it's okay. It reminds me of an old diary I had that had haikus for every day/month but I think I lost it because I can't find it anywhere. But yeah, keep on writing.

Have a good morning, day, afternoon, or night.

So I have to write a review
(and how have you posted so little!)
but then I saw this haiku - or two -
and thought I'd give it a fiddle.

The first poem is alright
but maybe try something that's sharper than sealed -
I hope 15 (or indeed 25) year old you doesn't bite -
Maybe 'fixed' or 'dashed' or 'sated' or 'congealed'

though the second two would force you to lose a syllable elsewhere.
Okay, poem two, I think across should be through
and I think your last line is a bit short there
so maybe 'in fond remembrance' would do?




I'm done, I promise. And it wasn't all that easy writing genuine advice while still rhyming so try to remember that while you're contemplating murder

<333

Wow! The wording and the vocabulary is really great, but just a thing: Isn't a haiku supposed to be like 5 syllables in first line, 7 in middle line, and 5 again in the last line? In the first haiku, I think there are......4 syllables. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the word ''dampened'' seems to have two syllables, doesn't it?
Also, the term 'crickets MELTED into ground' just doesn't sound right. :/

Aside from technical errors, I like the haikus. Keep writing!

Hey hey!

So, these two haiku's are not only brilliant, but they really do remind me of June and the beginning of summer. When I review poetry I do not always find haiku's, and to be honest, because I do not have much experience in the haiku area, I will just tell you what I loved about it, even though I really have no idea how to review this .

So Haiku #1 . I really enjoyed this one not only because of its simplicity but reality. The sound of crickets at night is something I hear regularly, and I think that not only is it soothing, but it just really makes it sound like summer (if that makes any sense at all). Anyway, I have made my main focus on the crickets on that one, I hope that is okay .

Okay, Haiku #2 . I like this one, mainly because I have seasonal allergies and this really helps describe what freshly cut grass can do to me. I know that that was probably one the cheesiest things you have ever read, but it is sadly true. Grass makes me sneeze haha. Anyway, this was brilliantly written! And you have a lot of talent.

As for mistakes, I saw nothing out of the ordinary, and I honestly am not used to haikus so yeah. Anyway... great poems! You have a lot of potential!

Stay classy and write on.

-Annaclare

Hi there Mesh! Nite/Tae here to leave a quick review on these summer haikus for the Fire Nation!

#1
I love the imagery here, but something is really bugging me about the tense, like I feel like they shouldn't all be past tense. I think "crickets melt into the ground" flows better.

#2
I like the idea here. It makes me think of someone stuck indoors staring at their computer ("across screens"), yet they're still plagued by the outside.

However, the last line is just...blah. It looks like speakerskat is right about "remembrance" being three syllables (link). Beyond that, though, it just doesn't seem like the right wording. I'm not exactly sure how to fix it, but I think bringing in a connection to the past or being outside would be interesting. For example, "like in treehouse days".

So this is my 900th review. Yay me? Needs more Fahrvergnügen. Sorry I didn't have more to say. These are some lovely summer haikus. Keep writing!

I like the first haiku. Judging by the first and third lines, it's seems lighthearted and simple, but the second line gives it more of a melancholy or grievous feel with the crickets melting into the ground, so I'm confused about the message or intended feel of the haiku. I'm also not sure if there is a need for a semicolon in a haiku.

I like the second one more, as it makes me think a lot more. The action of sneezing as a result of remembering makes me think...I don't know how to clearly express myself with this one...I guess it makes me kind of sad, and I would want to know more about a character who would write a haiku like that, and what sad events in their life would make them think like that. The word "remembrance" strikes me as particularly powerful, but the last line isn't five syllables. Remembrance has 3 syllables, not four.

Keep writing!

Hello there Kat here to write a review for you ~

I love Haikus ! <3 I really do I wrote a whole poem made of Haikus .... but anyways enough about me.

Your second Haiku third line is one syllable short . 5 7 5 syllables make a haiku (clearly you know that).

"in re mem brance" is four .

But, that's a simple mistake :3

I love all these wonderful summer poems coming out with such vivid imagery, like yours here . The damp rain and cut grass really appealed to my senses...especially since I love rain so much . I was expecting something sad , but I really like this . Not much else to say other than good job and keep writing
~Kat