With only a few weeks left of school I find myself yearning for the blazing hot days of summer. What will come of the next few months? I am not sure. I feel a new realization coming near. A new wave of knowledge scratching at the edge of my mind, trying to escape the barriers that I have built up. But I will not allow these ideas to flourish in my thoughts. I will not allow myself to embrace the knowledge that so roughly plays at the edge of my mind. I am much too focused on what the school days bring. I am distracted by the meaningless objects of my everyday life. I know that I should probably pay attention to these ideas. Allow myself to plant these seeds of knowledge and nourish thim with my time and research. Maybe I'm just waiting or a time that I will be prepared to take on whatever facts I unravel. Waiting for a time that I am at ease. Content with myself, content with my life. I will continue to go on as if the things I take my time up with daily are actually significant. I will continue to prepare myself for the day in which I will be able to stop focusing on irrelevant things and start looking into what my mind yearns to let me know.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
Hello.
Right now, this feels like a character sketch. A character sketch is just fine, but I think it could benefit from a little more substance. Especially with how the title connects with the piece, because with something so short the title becomes a line of the work. What is "nothing more"? The irrelevant things? The lack of time? How does it weigh on the character, not being able to do what they want? Why don't they do what they want?
You have so many little snatches of ideas in here, I really wish they would come together into a coherent picture. This seems like a fascinating situation and I'd like to know more about it, but more simply isn't provided here.
I also agree with Kyll that you could benefit from some paragraphing. Right now, it's a giant lump of text and that could be one of the reasons I found it lacked substance. We weren't given time to pause and think about the ramifications of the different ideas, which robbed the work of its full potential.
A final note: if you do choose to expand it, try not to make it so much of a monologue. Right now, it's 100% introspective, without much outside context. If you expand, try to add in more context besides the end of the school year, like the MC age, topics of interest, what's stopping her, ect. That will help richen the piece.
Hope this helped. PM me if you have any questions.
~Rosey
A little mistake, perhaps, but in a piece as short as this, it really hurts.
This sentence as well hurts this piece because it doesn't make sense on first read through, and I actually had to reread it about three times before it finally was coherent. I'd suggest reordering the words or rephrasing things a bit. Something like "things I fill up my time with" is much easier to read and immediately understand.
Now, as short as this piece is, I think it could really benefit from some paragraphs. Right now, everything is one giant block of smooshed-together text, and while the shortness renders it readable, it would be more readable with some paragraphs. Paragraphs help your readers keep track of their place in your texts, and they're especially important when posting writing online since screens like to cling to fingerprints and are usually situated in a vertical fashion, which makes using a finger or some other pointer to keep track of where one is a bit of a chore.
Having clear paragraphs will make your writing more inviting to readers, and the more inviting a piece is, the more likely readers will be willing to read it.