Hi, Claeren! I'm Music.
The snow falls down,
Purest white.
It flutters down,
Out of the sky.
Landing softly,
Not a sound.
While all are sleeping,
Unaware[s]s[/s].
All except a single girl,
[s]Who only wore a nightgown.[/s]Wearing only a nightgown. Here, you changed the tense from present to past. I didn't like that.
She walk[s]ed[/s]s outside,
Into the night.
And as she walk[s]ed[/s]s,
She pause[s]d[/s]s, look[s]ed[/s]s back.
At the cottage,
Aglow behind her.
She smile[s]d[/s]s sadly,
Shrug[s]ged[/s]s, and turn[s]ed[/s]s.
Walking far away
Without a word.
Claeren [s]wa[/s]is gone.
Hey there! Overall, I thought it was a pretty good poem. You used description fairly well. It just irked me when you changed tenses. Also, the letters starting each line should only be capitalized if they start a new sentence.
Anyway, nice job! Keep it up! Gold star for you.
Love,
Music.
Points: 890
Reviews: 152
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