This is a feature story I did because I was in need of comfort. I don't know.
Crowds cheering... noises deafening... faces screaming... eyes hoping...
It was an important time in my life, heck, it could have been the most important time ever. The people's voices echoed monotonously in my ears like the pendulum swinging back and forth.
Each and every face I encountered every since I was training flashed before my eyes in unison, and their hearts cried out to mine in a plead for victory.
"Bring home the bacon!" "Since you were the region's champion, you are expected to win in the Nationals." "You have a very special talent of bringing suspense and life into words, into stories. You can do it."
All of their hands reached out to mine, expecting me to help them in this challenge, and their souls and mine were hoping for me to touch the gold medal while it's still within reach. They were yearning for hope. For false hope.
Because of that, the expectations fell deeper and deeper, the dagger plunging straight into my heart. Their hope, their faith and their trust... all wasted into my deteriorating so-called talent.
I waited and waited. The heartbeat palpitating louder and faster. Everything was a large blur. Each second a Millennium.
And then nothingness.
There were many instances when not hearing your name was the luckiest moment of your life. When hearing the names of wanted people... when hearing your teacher recite the names of those who failed the test... lots and lots of instances. But now it was not one of those instances. It was not one of those instances where you instantly smile after hearing absolutely nothing.
And the nothingness was the problem. It shredded my heart into pieces and crushed my soul into thin slices. On that day, I felt that the gods were angry at me. I felt the people gaze at me with disappointment in their eyes. And I felt myself almost, almost slightly touch that trophy. It faded away from my sight, and was now simply a dream floating in my thoughts.
Now, even though that memory is far in the past, it somehow became my reason. I will never, ever stop. I won't stop until I claim my precious victory.
I will never stop, even if on that day, the world told that I wasn't meant for feature writing. Even if the gods denied my all time wish. Even if destiny itself refused the idea of me winning. I will never stop, because nothing is better, nothing is as overwhelming as getting up on that stage and reminding the world that nothing can stop you, not even the damn past. #
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,943 Literary Works • 672,751 Reviews
Yo, Memory!
Wow, you've got some powerful ideas written here. I can totally relate to this feeling of being discouraged, especially with writing (which I assume is what you're talking about here), but I highly agree that it's so important to keep going no matter what. Even if people try to put you down, don't give up on it. It takes work to make it somewhere, after all. c:
Now, I will admit I was thoroughly confused until the very end. I wasn't exactly sure where this piece was going and what you were trying to say until you mentioned 'feature writing'. In the beginning, you started off with something and dropped it off without much an explanation of what we were reading in the first place. Was it some kind of competition? A competition for what, though? Writing? You had beautiful descriptions, don't get me wrong, but please don't forget to include critical information like that. Even though you mentioned what was going on at the end, you risk people dropping the story midway because of the confusion. It's best to make what's going on clear as soon as you can.
There's also some sentences I was confused with:
I think I understand what you're trying to say here, but the way you wrote it out doesn't make much sense. First, you only need one almost, and slightly can be removed since almost indicates that the character can almost touch that trophy but not there yet. Using two almosts and slightly makes this sentence redundant.
Here's a suggestion you could use to replace it: And I could almost touch that trophy.
This sentence also doesn't make much sense either. Here's another suggestion to clean it up: Even if the world said I wasn't meant for feature writing, I will never stop.
If you'd like me to clarify anything I've mentioned above, please let me know. Remember to keep going no matter what, and soon enough all the things you learn and the hard work you put into it will pay off. Have a good day/night, and happy writing!
Thank you for your review!
Holographic Ladybug, I, says hello because I's here for a review.
)
I apologize if I do.
(Ok, that made practically no sense
Your story is overall very good with all of the detail and the storytelling and all that. That's your strongest part of this piece which add up to something interesting.
However, I found myself a bit confused. I'm not sure where your character is or who they are. You were talking about a crowd cheering your name, but then you faded away from there. What are they trying to win, anyway? There is a bit here that could use a bit of clarification. This feels like it's not quite finished.....?
I feel like I'm sounding a bit harsh.
Anyway, stay awesome!
~Me
Thankyou for your review!a
I won't be doing a review as it's self-explanatory. For now, I'd like to say that I hope you achieve your precious victory--everybody deserves to.
Thank you! :3